I'm Sure 'Frankenstein' By The New York Dolls Isn't Actually About Frankenstein, But Fuck It, It's The Raddest Song I Could Find That Had Anything To Do With Halloween.
HALLOWEEN.
Or, In Keeping With My Bastardisation Of Holiday Names, 'Hal-entine's Day.'
'Valloween' Fits Better, But 'Hal-entine's Day' Sounds A Bit Like Halitosis, Which I Like A Lot.
Not Halitosis, The Fact That It Sounds Like It.
It's Definitely My Favourite Time Of Year.
You Get To Dress Up As Someone Else, Which Is Obviously Wicked - I Never Really Like How I Look When I'm Myself. It's The Same Reason I Think My Goal In Life Is To Bring Glam Rock Into The 21st Century.
Glam Rockers Nowadays Are The Same As They Were In The 70s, And That's Embarrassing.
Update It With Coloured Skinnies, Ripped Ironic Women's Shirts And Shitloads Of Make-Up.
Glam Shouldn't Be Trying To Shock In A 'I Look Like A Tit' Way, It Should Have An Air Of 'I Look Like This, But I'll Still Fucking Eat You' To It.
BUT ANYWAY.
I Also Like That You Get To Be A Wanker To Strangers And They Can't Really Do Anything About It.
Last Night Was So Hilarious.
Me (Alex From 'A Clockwork Orange'), Jonny (Realistic Representation Of A Vampire) And Harriet (Zombie) All Got The Train To Southampton For Sam's Birthday/Halloween Party.
On The Train There Were These Six Dudes Dressed As Really Accurate Zombies.
They Were Hilarious, They Didn't Give Up The Act Ever.
However, Another Human We Encountered Was Less Funny.
He'd Come As A Ticket Skiving Coke Addict.
At Least, I Hope It Was A Costume.
He Came Up To Us And Was Like 'Oi Do You Know This Guy _______?'
'Nah Mate, Why?'
My Mate Killed Him In One Punch.'
What Does He Want Us To Say To That?
'Wow, Your Mate Must Be Really Tough And Intelligent, To Kill A Man...'
We Stayed Silent - You Could See The Coke On The Outside Of His Nose, And There Was A Lot Of It.
He Continued:
'Yeah Man, I've Been To Prison. But When I Go To Prison, I Don't Go To Jail, If You Know What I Mean?'
PRISON AND JAIL ARE ONE AND THE SAME.
Fucking Knobhead.
We All Just Nodded Along, And Then He Asked Harriet If She Thought He Had A Nice Body.
Ridiculous.
Then We Got More Really Fucking Afraid, And He Left.
This Guy Ahead Of Us In The Carriage Went 'Fucking Hell, That Was Intense. I Don't Know How I Feel About That!'
Just Watching The Coke Addict Had Made Me Tired, So Fuck Knows How He Felt.
He Was The Sportacus (A La 'Lazytown') Of Dorset, I'd Say.
We Got To Southampton After Quite A While.
Chris And Jo Picked Us Up Which Was Rad.
When We Got There The Place Was BUMPING.
All The Kids From Back Home Were There - I've Missed The Sherlip Bwois, To Say The Least.
They Asked How Uni Was And How Money Was, And I Told Them That I've Got So Much Money In Comparison To My Housemates. I Was Drunk At This Point, So Don't Hold This Against Me:
'So, Are They Actually Struggling To Buy Food?'
'Yeah Man, It's Hilarious, They're All 'Can I Borrow A Potato?' And I'm Like 'Go For It, I've Got A Fuckload...I Mean, I Bought A CD Dude.'
I Don't Know Why I Said The CD Thing, But I Think That It's Cos Poor People Can't Afford Culture, And I Can.
We Drank And Smoked (And Scratched All Night, It's A Curious Thing, Such A Perfect Dream....) A Lot, And Then Started Pranks.
We Got This Manakin Head, That I Think Is Meant For Hairdressers Or Something.
But We've Shaved It In The Past, So Now It Just Looks Hilarious.
We Took It In Turns To Hold It Out Of The Window And Shout Insults At People Walking About.
The Best Was 'HEY FUCK YOU, YOU TART', Uttered By Jonesy.
But, The Best Was Yet To Come.
Pete And Sam Challenged Me And Jamie To See If We Could Punch A Balloon At The Same Time To Make It Burst.
WE DID IT, FIRST TIME.
And They Apparently Took Ages To Do It, And Just Punched Each Other's Hands A Load.
Man Point As.
THEN The Real Fun Started.
We Started With Waterbombs, Just Trying To Freak People Out And Wet Them A Little Bit.
We Soon Ran Out Of Waterbombs, And Started To Just Fill Everything We Could Find With Water And Lob It At People.
Our Best Finds Were:
- An Empty Bag Of Doritos
- Plastic Cups
- Houmous Pots
And The Piece De Resistance, BIN LINERS.
Now, These Bin Liners.
What Can I Say?
Sam Had The Ingenious Idea Of Putting A Bit Of Fairy Liquid In Them.
And About Two Litres Of Water In Each One.
FOAM.
Now, Foam Fucks You Up Far More Than Water - Water You Go 'Oh Man, I'm Wet. I'll Put These Clothes On The Radiator When I Get In.'
Foam, However...
I Cannot Even Begin To Contemplate The Thought Process, Except For That It Probably Starts With 'Whoever Just Covered Me In Foam Is A Fucking Cunt.'
We Got So Many People So Mad.
It Was Fucking Legendary.
We Turned All The Lights Out So They Couldn't See Us Pissing Ourselves At Them.
One Guy Just Started Screaming 'You Guys Are Bellends Man, I Can't Believe This, How Fucking Childish!'
Damn Right It Was Childish.
Childish And GENIUS.
Oh And Also We Broke Up A Fight.
This Guy's Wife Fell Over In The Street, So He Grabbed Her Wrist To Pull Her Up.
Three Guys In Suits Misread It As Him Beating His Wife.
They Were Kicking The Shit Out Of Him, And His Wife Was Just Crying.
It Was Horrible.
Simon Legged It Down, And As Soon As We Saw Him Out The Window We All Legged It After Him.
We Got There Just In Time To See This Guy Getting Kicked In The Legs And Falling Down, His Face Bleeding, Ironically As Though His Life Depended On It.
They Saw Us, And How Scary We Looked (Obviously) And Let Go Of Him.
Jamie Ran Up And Was All 'Look Come On, We Saw It All From The Window, He Was Helping Her Up.'
Some Guy In A Suit Was Like 'OI AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO'S GONNA HIT THIS CHAP FOR BEATING HIS FUCKING WIFE? I NEED A CIGARETTE.'
Obviously, He Just Wanted A Fag.
Wanting To Appear Righteous When You're Mindlessly Vandalising Someone's Body Is In My Top Ten Of Bad Things To Do.
I Passed Out On The Floor And Woke Up About 11 With A 'Happy Birthda' (No 'Y' Intended) Sign Over Me Like A Blanket.
Rad Night.
Party On.
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Saturday 1 November 2008
Tuesday 21 October 2008
EVIL WILL PREVAIL.
The House Of Normality.
Everyone's Taking On Family Roles, I'm Sure Zimbardo Would Be Interested To See What Is Occurring.
I Am Totally The Little Boy.
I Have People Asking Me To Do Chores, To Go To Skool - I Think It's A Matter Of Time Before Someone Asks 'Ben, Do You Need The Toilet?'
I'm Not Complaining At All, Maybe It's Nice To Have People Care About Your Education.
BUT, Everyone Told Me Off For Admiring Those Sacred Few That I Admire.
Robert Smith, Daniel Johnston, Bowie And Morrissey.
Tonight Was Almost An Intervention, It Was Totally Hilarious.
'Ben, I Don't Think You Should Look Up To These Depressive Recluses, Seriously.'
I Guess Parents Just Don't Understand...
Haha.
It's Not That I Want To Emulate Their Lives, I Just Think Their Art Is Amazing, And Am One Of Those Fanboys Who Wants To Know Everything About People Whom They Admire.
It's Not Like I'm Going To Crash A Plane.
Or Live For Months At A Time In My Room.
Or Move To Berlin To Take Heroin With Iggy Pop.
Or, Climb Round A Hotel Jumping From Balcony To Balcony.
Haha.
I'm Going To Create My Own Myths Anyway.
Haha.
I Want Kids To Go 'Oh Man, Ben Hall, He Fucking, Did Loads Of Heroin And Painted A Cat Yellow.'
Not That That's Happened.
It's Really Awkward When People Don't Get My Tongue-In-Cheek Approach To Absolutely Everything.
Although I'm Deadly Serious That My Kid Is Going To Be Called 'Stephen Patrick Morrissey Hall.'
REGARDLESS OF GENDER.
Take Things Seriously And Your Face Will Stay That Way When The Wind Changes.
If My Face Gets Stuck In A Sarcastic Smile, That's Fine.
I Need A Decent Night's Sleep, A Breakfast Can Of Rockstar And A Time Out.
I Also Need Next Monday To Come Quicker, For '4:13 Dream.'
At Least I've Got Lots To Look Forward To In The Next Month.
It's Just That This 'Family' Don't Believe In Me And My Absolute Killer Abilities, Because I'm Apparently 'Too Modest.'
Awful Trait, I'm Sure.
Haha.
Maybe From Now On I'll Be Really Macho And Boastful.
Luvverly.
Okay My New Idol Is Noel Edmonds, I Believe In Drawing Space On My Hands And That, I'm Totally Spiritual And Wear Garish Silk Shirts All The Time.
Love You Edmondster.
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Pinch Of Salt It Up, I'm Melodramatic In The Loveliest Of Ways.
Everyone's Taking On Family Roles, I'm Sure Zimbardo Would Be Interested To See What Is Occurring.
I Am Totally The Little Boy.
I Have People Asking Me To Do Chores, To Go To Skool - I Think It's A Matter Of Time Before Someone Asks 'Ben, Do You Need The Toilet?'
I'm Not Complaining At All, Maybe It's Nice To Have People Care About Your Education.
BUT, Everyone Told Me Off For Admiring Those Sacred Few That I Admire.
Robert Smith, Daniel Johnston, Bowie And Morrissey.
Tonight Was Almost An Intervention, It Was Totally Hilarious.
'Ben, I Don't Think You Should Look Up To These Depressive Recluses, Seriously.'
I Guess Parents Just Don't Understand...
Haha.
It's Not That I Want To Emulate Their Lives, I Just Think Their Art Is Amazing, And Am One Of Those Fanboys Who Wants To Know Everything About People Whom They Admire.
It's Not Like I'm Going To Crash A Plane.
Or Live For Months At A Time In My Room.
Or Move To Berlin To Take Heroin With Iggy Pop.
Or, Climb Round A Hotel Jumping From Balcony To Balcony.
Haha.
I'm Going To Create My Own Myths Anyway.
Haha.
I Want Kids To Go 'Oh Man, Ben Hall, He Fucking, Did Loads Of Heroin And Painted A Cat Yellow.'
Not That That's Happened.
It's Really Awkward When People Don't Get My Tongue-In-Cheek Approach To Absolutely Everything.
Although I'm Deadly Serious That My Kid Is Going To Be Called 'Stephen Patrick Morrissey Hall.'
REGARDLESS OF GENDER.
Take Things Seriously And Your Face Will Stay That Way When The Wind Changes.
If My Face Gets Stuck In A Sarcastic Smile, That's Fine.
I Need A Decent Night's Sleep, A Breakfast Can Of Rockstar And A Time Out.
I Also Need Next Monday To Come Quicker, For '4:13 Dream.'
At Least I've Got Lots To Look Forward To In The Next Month.
It's Just That This 'Family' Don't Believe In Me And My Absolute Killer Abilities, Because I'm Apparently 'Too Modest.'
Awful Trait, I'm Sure.
Haha.
Maybe From Now On I'll Be Really Macho And Boastful.
Luvverly.
Okay My New Idol Is Noel Edmonds, I Believe In Drawing Space On My Hands And That, I'm Totally Spiritual And Wear Garish Silk Shirts All The Time.
Love You Edmondster.
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Pinch Of Salt It Up, I'm Melodramatic In The Loveliest Of Ways.
Sunday 12 October 2008
WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU SOMETHING STIRRED WITHIN ME, YOU WERE STANDING SULTRY IN THE RAIN.
I Bloody Love Orange Juice.
The Band, Obviously.
I Think Some Days I Wake Up To The Fat Bassline At The Start Of 'Rip It Up' Playing In My Head, And That Signifies That It'll Be A Good Day.
Some Days However Are Started Off With 'Never Had No One Ever' And Then I Shouldn't Leave My Room For At Least Four Hours.
The Last Few Days Have Been Really Bizarre.
I Haven't Gone Out, But I Haven't Felt Unfulfilled.
For Example, Today I Learnt To Read Palms.
I Can Now:
- Tattoo Myself
- Cut My Own Hair
- Put On Discreet Make-Up
- Read Palms.
I Am All Set For My Gypsy Future.
Apparently, Because My 'Love Line' Resembles A Chain, I Like To Be As Uninvolved As Possible With Love, And Go From Lady To Lady In The Time It Takes To Breathe In After A Kiss.
I Think The Woman Got Me All Wrong.
I Probably Just Landed On A Sharp Chain As A Child, Which Created Such A 'Love Line'.
Plus I Was Always Leaning On Gravel As A Kid.
'Gravel Leaning Ben' They'd Call Me As I Went From Town To Town...
This House Is Kind Of Becoming A Pensioner's House.
But With More Alcohol And Lewd Discussion.
Someone Insists On Keeping The Heat At Inner Body Temperature - Perhaps More, But It's A Terrifying Idea To Think That To Cool Down I'd Have To Jump Inside Myself.
I Wake Up With A Sore Throat Every Day, And The Place Is Really Humid As Well.
It's Like If Peter Stringfellow Suddenly Gave Up On Being A Womanizer And Acted His Age, But Built His Retirement Home In The Amazon.
Serious.
I Keep Glancing Up At Keira Knightley For Inspiration.
Her Face Is So, So, So Beautiful That Sometimes I Look At It And Don't Even See A Face, Almost Like It's Too Good For This World.
And If You're Wondering, Yes, I Have Watched 'American Beauty' Too Much.
We Watched It Last Night, And The Gurls Were Like 'Oh You See Her Tits!', To Which I Replied, 'Come On Guys, This Is A Beautiful, Philosophical Film, Don't Downgrade It To Tits....Plus She Has Weird Fucking Nipples.'
She Really Does!
They're The Same Colour As The Majority Of Her Tit, So They Just Look Like Little Warts.
Rank.
Although, In German, 'Brustwarten' Means 'Nipple', But Literally Translates As 'Breast Wart.'
So Maybe Her Boobs Are The Only Normal Boobs Ever.
Who Knows.
I'm Rambling.
Send Me Your Address And I'll Write To You, I Need To Buy Stamps Tomorrow, Remind Me Yeah?
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The Band, Obviously.
I Think Some Days I Wake Up To The Fat Bassline At The Start Of 'Rip It Up' Playing In My Head, And That Signifies That It'll Be A Good Day.
Some Days However Are Started Off With 'Never Had No One Ever' And Then I Shouldn't Leave My Room For At Least Four Hours.
The Last Few Days Have Been Really Bizarre.
I Haven't Gone Out, But I Haven't Felt Unfulfilled.
For Example, Today I Learnt To Read Palms.
I Can Now:
- Tattoo Myself
- Cut My Own Hair
- Put On Discreet Make-Up
- Read Palms.
I Am All Set For My Gypsy Future.
Apparently, Because My 'Love Line' Resembles A Chain, I Like To Be As Uninvolved As Possible With Love, And Go From Lady To Lady In The Time It Takes To Breathe In After A Kiss.
I Think The Woman Got Me All Wrong.
I Probably Just Landed On A Sharp Chain As A Child, Which Created Such A 'Love Line'.
Plus I Was Always Leaning On Gravel As A Kid.
'Gravel Leaning Ben' They'd Call Me As I Went From Town To Town...
This House Is Kind Of Becoming A Pensioner's House.
But With More Alcohol And Lewd Discussion.
Someone Insists On Keeping The Heat At Inner Body Temperature - Perhaps More, But It's A Terrifying Idea To Think That To Cool Down I'd Have To Jump Inside Myself.
I Wake Up With A Sore Throat Every Day, And The Place Is Really Humid As Well.
It's Like If Peter Stringfellow Suddenly Gave Up On Being A Womanizer And Acted His Age, But Built His Retirement Home In The Amazon.
Serious.
I Keep Glancing Up At Keira Knightley For Inspiration.
Her Face Is So, So, So Beautiful That Sometimes I Look At It And Don't Even See A Face, Almost Like It's Too Good For This World.
And If You're Wondering, Yes, I Have Watched 'American Beauty' Too Much.
We Watched It Last Night, And The Gurls Were Like 'Oh You See Her Tits!', To Which I Replied, 'Come On Guys, This Is A Beautiful, Philosophical Film, Don't Downgrade It To Tits....Plus She Has Weird Fucking Nipples.'
She Really Does!
They're The Same Colour As The Majority Of Her Tit, So They Just Look Like Little Warts.
Rank.
Although, In German, 'Brustwarten' Means 'Nipple', But Literally Translates As 'Breast Wart.'
So Maybe Her Boobs Are The Only Normal Boobs Ever.
Who Knows.
I'm Rambling.
Send Me Your Address And I'll Write To You, I Need To Buy Stamps Tomorrow, Remind Me Yeah?
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Thursday 2 October 2008
FALL FAST, FALL FREE, FALL FOR ME.
I've Fallen Back In Love With TV On The Radio.
Their New Album Is An Absolute Masterpiece, It Can Soundtrack Waking Up, Falling Asleep, Being Really Depressed And Ecstatically Happy.
I Want To Be Dave Sitek, He's The Most Exciting Character In Music At The Moment In My Eyes.
Bournemouth Is Crazy.
Right Now I'm Quite Fluey, Which My Dad Puts Down To 'Too Many Late Nights', And I Agree For The Most Part. My Room Is Now Definitely My Own. The Carpet Is Barely Visible, And The Stacks Of Books And DVDs Against Corners Compliment Such An Arrangement Perfectly.
The Walls Are Still Quite Bare.
The Guy I Live With Gaz Says I'm Gay Because I Have The Strokes' Cover Of 'Is This It' And Keira Knightley Looking Buff In A Chanel Advert On My Wall. In Fairness, His Room Is Far More Masculine. I Wouldn't Be Surprised To Discover His Ceiling Is Coated In Hardcore Pornography - Some Of The Walls Are.
The Weirdest Thing I've Experienced In Bournemouth Thus Far Is Going To Buy Lemsip.
I Never Thought I'd Buy Medicine, It Was Always Something I'd Take If It Was There.
Not In A 'I'm Bored, Let's Take Some Medicine' Way, Please Believe.
It's The One Adult Thing I'd Say I've Done Since I've Been Here.
'Adult' In Either Sense Of The Word.
Haha.
I've Been Reading 'Haunted' By Chuck Palahnuik This Week.
It's Insanely Good, With The Emphasis On 'Insane' Really.
There's A Story About This Guy Who Masturbates On The Bottom Of His Parents' Swimming Pool, So That His Arse Is Being Stimulated By The Pool Cleaner Vacuum Thing.
It Ends Badly, With The Guy Losing His Intestines In It, And Having To Bite Through It So That He Doesn't Die.
The Worst Thing Is, It's Based On A True Story.
Like, That Actually Happened To Someone.
Properly Rank.
And Food Falls Out Of Him Whole, Because He's Got Six Inches Of Stomach.
IT'S GOOD THOUGH!
Last Night I Got A Call At Three AM From A Gurl I Have No Recollection Of Meeting.
I Must Be Like, A Phone Number Whore - I Spoke To Her For About Fifteen Minutes Trying To Figure Out Where I Met Her. Haha.
And She Ended The Conversation With 'Well Text Me Later Yeah?'
How Would I Even Start Such A Text?
'Alright 'Rachel'? How's It Going? Was Nice To Meet You Whenever I Did, You Must've Been Attractive As You Now Have My Number.'
Terrible.
I Reckon She Nicked It.
She Sounded Like She Smoked 40 Cigarettes Infused With Helium A Day.
Which, Actually, Sounds More Attractive Than It Was.
I've Met Some Good People.
Everyone Seems Quite Sexual Though.
I Keep Having To Stop My Outbursts Of 'LOOK GUYS, SEX IS SHIT OKAY? YOU'RE ALL SLAVES TO NORMALITY, YOU'RE BASHING YOUR STUFF INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S STUFF, THINK ABOUT IT.'
I Know That It's Me In The Wrong Really, But I Believe You Shouldn't Force Your Agenda On Other People, Regardless Of How Standard An Agenda It May Be.
People Keep Using That 'You Just Haven't Met The Right Person Yet' Thing As A Chat Up Line - It's Funny To Think That If I Wanted Sex, I Could Have It Purely Because I Don't Want To.
People Also Keep Trying To Force Meat On Me, Which Is Kind Of Hilarious.
I Woke Up With Mustard All Over My Shoes One Morning, Apparently From A Hotdog Someone Had Tried To Force Feed Me.
Risky Business.
A Guy In One Of My Lectures Said You Get Less Homesick The Closer You Are To Home, Even If You Never Go And Visit.
It's Probably True, I Haven't Felt Homesick In Any Big Way Yet, But It's Probably Because The Last Few Weeks At Home Were Kind Of Shitty, All I Really Did Was Watch Films.
Here I Watch Films All The Time Too, But They're Normally Chick Flicks.
I'm Aching For A Chance To Show My Housemates 'Eraserhead.'
I Feel Like It Explains A Big Part Of Me, Hahaha.
I Half Watched 'Moulin Rouge' Last Night, It Was Proper Fucked Up, I Didn't Like It At All, It Just Ruined Songs Like 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' And ''Heroes''.
I Was Really Messy Due To A Mixture Of Lemsip And Vodka, And Was Just Like, 'Am I Hallucinating This? Or Are They Really Just Singing Every Word?'
Shit Film.
And I'd Talk About The Nights Out I've Had, But My Facebook Pictures Describe Them Well Enough I Feel.
Plus I Can Hardly Remember Any Of Them. Haha.
Err, Yeah, Speak Soon, Love You Guys, Send Me Your Addresses So I Can Write You All Letters, I Wrote One Today And It Felt Amazing.
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Their New Album Is An Absolute Masterpiece, It Can Soundtrack Waking Up, Falling Asleep, Being Really Depressed And Ecstatically Happy.
I Want To Be Dave Sitek, He's The Most Exciting Character In Music At The Moment In My Eyes.
Bournemouth Is Crazy.
Right Now I'm Quite Fluey, Which My Dad Puts Down To 'Too Many Late Nights', And I Agree For The Most Part. My Room Is Now Definitely My Own. The Carpet Is Barely Visible, And The Stacks Of Books And DVDs Against Corners Compliment Such An Arrangement Perfectly.
The Walls Are Still Quite Bare.
The Guy I Live With Gaz Says I'm Gay Because I Have The Strokes' Cover Of 'Is This It' And Keira Knightley Looking Buff In A Chanel Advert On My Wall. In Fairness, His Room Is Far More Masculine. I Wouldn't Be Surprised To Discover His Ceiling Is Coated In Hardcore Pornography - Some Of The Walls Are.
The Weirdest Thing I've Experienced In Bournemouth Thus Far Is Going To Buy Lemsip.
I Never Thought I'd Buy Medicine, It Was Always Something I'd Take If It Was There.
Not In A 'I'm Bored, Let's Take Some Medicine' Way, Please Believe.
It's The One Adult Thing I'd Say I've Done Since I've Been Here.
'Adult' In Either Sense Of The Word.
Haha.
I've Been Reading 'Haunted' By Chuck Palahnuik This Week.
It's Insanely Good, With The Emphasis On 'Insane' Really.
There's A Story About This Guy Who Masturbates On The Bottom Of His Parents' Swimming Pool, So That His Arse Is Being Stimulated By The Pool Cleaner Vacuum Thing.
It Ends Badly, With The Guy Losing His Intestines In It, And Having To Bite Through It So That He Doesn't Die.
The Worst Thing Is, It's Based On A True Story.
Like, That Actually Happened To Someone.
Properly Rank.
And Food Falls Out Of Him Whole, Because He's Got Six Inches Of Stomach.
IT'S GOOD THOUGH!
Last Night I Got A Call At Three AM From A Gurl I Have No Recollection Of Meeting.
I Must Be Like, A Phone Number Whore - I Spoke To Her For About Fifteen Minutes Trying To Figure Out Where I Met Her. Haha.
And She Ended The Conversation With 'Well Text Me Later Yeah?'
How Would I Even Start Such A Text?
'Alright 'Rachel'? How's It Going? Was Nice To Meet You Whenever I Did, You Must've Been Attractive As You Now Have My Number.'
Terrible.
I Reckon She Nicked It.
She Sounded Like She Smoked 40 Cigarettes Infused With Helium A Day.
Which, Actually, Sounds More Attractive Than It Was.
I've Met Some Good People.
Everyone Seems Quite Sexual Though.
I Keep Having To Stop My Outbursts Of 'LOOK GUYS, SEX IS SHIT OKAY? YOU'RE ALL SLAVES TO NORMALITY, YOU'RE BASHING YOUR STUFF INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S STUFF, THINK ABOUT IT.'
I Know That It's Me In The Wrong Really, But I Believe You Shouldn't Force Your Agenda On Other People, Regardless Of How Standard An Agenda It May Be.
People Keep Using That 'You Just Haven't Met The Right Person Yet' Thing As A Chat Up Line - It's Funny To Think That If I Wanted Sex, I Could Have It Purely Because I Don't Want To.
People Also Keep Trying To Force Meat On Me, Which Is Kind Of Hilarious.
I Woke Up With Mustard All Over My Shoes One Morning, Apparently From A Hotdog Someone Had Tried To Force Feed Me.
Risky Business.
A Guy In One Of My Lectures Said You Get Less Homesick The Closer You Are To Home, Even If You Never Go And Visit.
It's Probably True, I Haven't Felt Homesick In Any Big Way Yet, But It's Probably Because The Last Few Weeks At Home Were Kind Of Shitty, All I Really Did Was Watch Films.
Here I Watch Films All The Time Too, But They're Normally Chick Flicks.
I'm Aching For A Chance To Show My Housemates 'Eraserhead.'
I Feel Like It Explains A Big Part Of Me, Hahaha.
I Half Watched 'Moulin Rouge' Last Night, It Was Proper Fucked Up, I Didn't Like It At All, It Just Ruined Songs Like 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' And ''Heroes''.
I Was Really Messy Due To A Mixture Of Lemsip And Vodka, And Was Just Like, 'Am I Hallucinating This? Or Are They Really Just Singing Every Word?'
Shit Film.
And I'd Talk About The Nights Out I've Had, But My Facebook Pictures Describe Them Well Enough I Feel.
Plus I Can Hardly Remember Any Of Them. Haha.
Err, Yeah, Speak Soon, Love You Guys, Send Me Your Addresses So I Can Write You All Letters, I Wrote One Today And It Felt Amazing.
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Thursday 18 September 2008
IF YOU WANT IT, YOU CAN HAVE IT, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO REACH OUT THERE AND GRAB IT.
What An Emotionally Deep Title, Right?
It's From 'Photograph' By Weezer.
It's A Total Tune, From The Green Album.
I Have No Idea Why Not Everyone Loves Weezer, They're So Good.
They're Credible Pop Punk I Reckon.
Get Into It.
Weezer - Photograph
And I Know I Said I Wouldn't Post Any More Music, But I Got Over Myself, And Figured It Was Rather Selfish Not To.
I Realise That I Haven't Written In Weeks, Maybe Months In Fact, And For That I Apologise.
However, I Couldn't Really Think Of Anything Worth Writing About, For A While.
A Lot Has Happened, But I Couldn't Find A Way To Put It Into An Interesting Read.
Lots Of 'I Guess You Had To Be There' Moments, Which Always Suck.
You Know When You Find Yourself In A Conversation With Someone Who's Talking About People You've Never Met, And The Story Isn't Funny Enough To Redeem The Fact That You Don't Know Who They're Talking About?
That Is One Of My Greatest Fears, Because You Never Know Quite How To React.
There's Fake Laughter, But Fake Laughter Is Often Very Readable.
My Favourite Is The 'One Second, I'm Going To Get Another Drink, But We'll Finish This Off In A Second Yeah? Sounds Good' Reaction.
If You've Ever Heard That Sentence, And Possibly NEVER, EVER Seen The Person Again, You Are Guilty Of This Practice.
But I Digress.
A Lot Has Actually Happened.
(I Wrote That Bit Nearly A Month Ago, Haha. This Is Progress.)
SO YEAH, Not Much Has Been Happening.
I've Realised That This Is Probably Because I Haven't Been To College In Two And A Half Weeks, Which Is Definitely Stupid.
And Completely Unnecessary.
I've Also Realised That Skipping This Much College Has Probably Weakened My 'Remembered For Eternity' Status.
I Like To Think That In Twenty Years People From College Will Be Searching Whatever's Replaced MySpace, Facebook Or Friends Reunited For Me, Telling Their Children Of Our Antics, However Big Or Small.
Nobody Else Seems That Worried About Being Remembered, Which Has Made Me Sort Of Take A Second Look At My Worry.
It's Probably Quite Egotistical, Thinking That I Could Possibly Have Made Any Impact At All On Anyone, Or Even Everyone, Which Is The Spot I Was Aiming For.
But I Don't Much Mind.
I Want People To Remember Me As 'The One That Got Away', 'The Pop Goff', 'The Indecisive Wreck', Absolutely Whatever They See Me As, As Long As I'm Remembered.
And That's Probably Really Messed Up In Itself, But I Don't Know.
If Anything I'm Glad I'm Worried About It, Rather Than Assuming I Won't Be Remembered.
Education Is Really Odd I Think.
You're Forced Into Contact With All These People Who Could Only Share The Need Of A Government Enforced Scheme, Yet Somehow You Make Friends.
In Some Cases More Than Friends, And Then You Just Have Weird 'Is This How They Do It In 'Saved By The Bell'?' Physical Contact.
Not That There's Anything Wrong With 'Saved By The Bell' Contact, Kelly Kapowski - I Wouldn't Have To Think Twice, But Every So Often A Jessie Spano Comes Along Without You Noticing.
And Then Jessie Spano Goes On To Act In 'Showgirls' Where She Acts Out Various Things She Stood Against In High School, And No It Isn't Empowering For Women, It's Just Sexist, And The Film Flops And Her Career Is Ruined.
I TOTALLY LOST WHAT I WAS MEANING HALF WAY THROUGH THE 'SAVED BY THE BELL' METAPHOR AND FELT IT WAS NECESSARY TO BRING IT TO ITS NATURAL CONCLUSION.
But I Definitely Think It's Weird That People Make Friends For Life In The Town They're Born In - Surely In An Ideal World The Person Who Is Perfect For You Could Be Anywhere In The World, And I Don't Know If It's A 'You're Stuck With Them' Mentality Or Whatever Else, But It Seems To Work.
We Need More Legendary Moments.
I Definitely Had Them All The Time Just Under Two Years Ago, And I Don't Like To Think That That's The Interesting, Almost Adventurous Part Of My Life Over.
In Sitcoms People Always Have Those 'Do You Remember That Time...' Moments, And I Think We Need To Seek Those Out.
Upnorthapolooza Was One For Sure, And I'll Never Forget What I Remember Of That For My Entire Life, And Bristol Was An Experience Definitely, But We Need To Get Out Of Our Comfort Zones For Interesting Things To Happen.
It's From 'Photograph' By Weezer.
It's A Total Tune, From The Green Album.
I Have No Idea Why Not Everyone Loves Weezer, They're So Good.
They're Credible Pop Punk I Reckon.
Get Into It.
And I Know I Said I Wouldn't Post Any More Music, But I Got Over Myself, And Figured It Was Rather Selfish Not To.
I Realise That I Haven't Written In Weeks, Maybe Months In Fact, And For That I Apologise.
However, I Couldn't Really Think Of Anything Worth Writing About, For A While.
A Lot Has Happened, But I Couldn't Find A Way To Put It Into An Interesting Read.
Lots Of 'I Guess You Had To Be There' Moments, Which Always Suck.
You Know When You Find Yourself In A Conversation With Someone Who's Talking About People You've Never Met, And The Story Isn't Funny Enough To Redeem The Fact That You Don't Know Who They're Talking About?
That Is One Of My Greatest Fears, Because You Never Know Quite How To React.
There's Fake Laughter, But Fake Laughter Is Often Very Readable.
My Favourite Is The 'One Second, I'm Going To Get Another Drink, But We'll Finish This Off In A Second Yeah? Sounds Good' Reaction.
If You've Ever Heard That Sentence, And Possibly NEVER, EVER Seen The Person Again, You Are Guilty Of This Practice.
But I Digress.
A Lot Has Actually Happened.
(I Wrote That Bit Nearly A Month Ago, Haha. This Is Progress.)
SO YEAH, Not Much Has Been Happening.
I've Realised That This Is Probably Because I Haven't Been To College In Two And A Half Weeks, Which Is Definitely Stupid.
And Completely Unnecessary.
I've Also Realised That Skipping This Much College Has Probably Weakened My 'Remembered For Eternity' Status.
I Like To Think That In Twenty Years People From College Will Be Searching Whatever's Replaced MySpace, Facebook Or Friends Reunited For Me, Telling Their Children Of Our Antics, However Big Or Small.
Nobody Else Seems That Worried About Being Remembered, Which Has Made Me Sort Of Take A Second Look At My Worry.
It's Probably Quite Egotistical, Thinking That I Could Possibly Have Made Any Impact At All On Anyone, Or Even Everyone, Which Is The Spot I Was Aiming For.
But I Don't Much Mind.
I Want People To Remember Me As 'The One That Got Away', 'The Pop Goff', 'The Indecisive Wreck', Absolutely Whatever They See Me As, As Long As I'm Remembered.
And That's Probably Really Messed Up In Itself, But I Don't Know.
If Anything I'm Glad I'm Worried About It, Rather Than Assuming I Won't Be Remembered.
Education Is Really Odd I Think.
You're Forced Into Contact With All These People Who Could Only Share The Need Of A Government Enforced Scheme, Yet Somehow You Make Friends.
In Some Cases More Than Friends, And Then You Just Have Weird 'Is This How They Do It In 'Saved By The Bell'?' Physical Contact.
Not That There's Anything Wrong With 'Saved By The Bell' Contact, Kelly Kapowski - I Wouldn't Have To Think Twice, But Every So Often A Jessie Spano Comes Along Without You Noticing.
And Then Jessie Spano Goes On To Act In 'Showgirls' Where She Acts Out Various Things She Stood Against In High School, And No It Isn't Empowering For Women, It's Just Sexist, And The Film Flops And Her Career Is Ruined.
I TOTALLY LOST WHAT I WAS MEANING HALF WAY THROUGH THE 'SAVED BY THE BELL' METAPHOR AND FELT IT WAS NECESSARY TO BRING IT TO ITS NATURAL CONCLUSION.
But I Definitely Think It's Weird That People Make Friends For Life In The Town They're Born In - Surely In An Ideal World The Person Who Is Perfect For You Could Be Anywhere In The World, And I Don't Know If It's A 'You're Stuck With Them' Mentality Or Whatever Else, But It Seems To Work.
We Need More Legendary Moments.
I Definitely Had Them All The Time Just Under Two Years Ago, And I Don't Like To Think That That's The Interesting, Almost Adventurous Part Of My Life Over.
In Sitcoms People Always Have Those 'Do You Remember That Time...' Moments, And I Think We Need To Seek Those Out.
Upnorthapolooza Was One For Sure, And I'll Never Forget What I Remember Of That For My Entire Life, And Bristol Was An Experience Definitely, But We Need To Get Out Of Our Comfort Zones For Interesting Things To Happen.
Monday 25 August 2008
DANCE TO THE SOUND OF SIRENS.
The New Bloc Party Album Is Amazing.
I'd Say It's Their Second Best Album, After 'Silent Alarm.'
'Silent Alarm' Is Just One Of Those Albums That Is Associated With Wicked Stuff Happening In My Life, And I Now Almost Look At It As If The Album Itself Brought On All The Events That Were Happening At That Time In My Life.
The Only Other Album I Think I Do That With Is 'For Screening Purposes Only', Except That Is Associated With This Insane Autumn I Had Once During 'The Wilderness Years'.
It Is Definitely Possible Test Icicles Brought On The Events That Ended 'The Wilderness Years', I'd Like To Think They Were The Breakthrough Moment, Haha.
So Anyway I Haven't Written In Ages, Blah Blah Blah, I've Been Writing Lyrics Or Poems Or Novels Depending On How You Read What I've Written, It's All A Bit Bent Out Of Shape And Excellent But For My Eyes Only.
It Isn't Yet My Duty To Write, And I Hope That I'll Never Be Forced To Write And That It Will Always Be Something I Do And Find Interesting And Fun.
College Killed It For Me For A Bit, Because I Felt I Was Having To Write About Onomatopoeia Found In Radiohead Lyrics. But With My Results I Discovered I Didn't Have To At All, I Got A 'U' In My English Coursework But A 'B' In My Media Coursework, Where I Mostly Wrote About The Phallic Symbolism Of Guitars. I'd Been Reading A Lot Of JG Ballard, And He Can Link Almost Anything To Sex Based Death, So I Felt Like Shoving Prose About Cocks And Androgyny In A Pregnant Woman's Face Was My Last Hurrah, Collegewise.
But Anyway, I'm Back Into Writing This Thing.
This Long Weekend Was Reading Festival.
It Was Awesome.
I Got There Thursday Afternoon After A Train Journey Which Involved Hiding Beer From The Ticket Man And Throwing A Kid's Bike Around So Him And His Dad Could Fit On With Us And All Our Junk.
It Was Fun, At First I Was All 'Oh Mannnn, I Can't Swear In Front Of A Kid, And The Guys I'm With Are', But The Dad Shouted 'Oh For Fuck's Sake' About Fitting His Bike On The Train, Which Lulled Me Into A State Of Tipsy Relaxation.
The Walk After The Train Was Horrible.
I Was With This Guy John I Met Who Was Pretty Funny, He Had This Massive Sports Bag On One Shoulder Which Looked Like It Really Hurt, And It Just Took Us Fucking Ages Cos Of All The Posh Kids Coming Home For A Wash After One Night.
Then The Queue Was Totally Manic, Took So Long.
It Was Made Less Painful By The Guy Shouting Brilliant Mythology Based Slogans.
The Best Was 'Spartans, What Is Your Profession?', To Which The Whole Crowd Went 'Awooh, Awooh, Awooh!'
He Looked So Pleased With Himself.
Thing Is, He Got A Bit Too Cocky, And Chanted 'I AM SPARTACUS.'
Some People Joined In, Saying They Were Spartacus, But Most Said He Was A Fucking Knobhead.
Which I Felt Was Harsh But Really Funny.
Then I 'Unpacked' (Read As 'Threw My Bag In A Tent And Got My Vodka Out') And Sat About With Everyone Smoking And Drinking For About Thirteen Hours.
We Literally Only Moved To Take A Piss Or Find More Drink.
It Was Great.
Then Was Friday.
I Went To See The Future Of The Left With Various People Who Left And Met Rob And Frankie About Half Way Through Their Set.
They Were Amazing, Such A Good Start To The Weekend.
'Colin Is A Pussy, A Very Pretty Pussy' And 'Better Hedgehog Than Porcupine' Are Two Of The Best Lyrics Ever.
Then I Met Up With Sam And Jonny And Went To See John Cooper Clarke.
He Was So Funny, And When He Read 'Evidently Chickentown' I Got So Fired Up I Nearly Started A Fight With A Phil Jupitus Fan.
Phil Jupitus Is To Stand Up Comedy What The Fratellis Are To Alternative Music.
They Both Make Fat Lager Louts Feel Like They're Cultured.
This Guy Wouldn't Stop Shouting 'Bring On Phil Jupitus', So I Told Him To Fuck Off.
And He Should've Fucked Off, Not Acknowledging The Genius That is John Cooper Clarke.
Jonny Went As Far As To Say He Hoped He Died.
I TOTALLY Agreed.
Then I Saw Pete And The Pirates (Nothing To Shout About), Dizzee Rascal (Incredible) And Then Took A Break Until QOTSA.
I Don't Want This To Turn Into A Review Of The Entire Weekend, I'm More About Human Interest I Like To Think, Which Is Why I Will Now Mostly Talk About People And That.
Oh And Rage Were Totally Killah, But That Was Predictable.
Friday Night Was Awesome, I Sat Around The Really Hilariously Bad Campfire (We Were Just Burning Things We'd Used, Like Condoms And Chairs) With Cheney And Grace And Jonny And Sam And That.
It Was Fun, But Freezing Cold.
Somehow I Was Way Colder Than Everyone Else, It's Probably Something To Do With Not Eating Meat, Everything Else Is Apparently.
It's Why I Get More Attacked By Mosquitoes, And That Is The Cleanest One I Can Bother To Say, I Don't Want To Get Into The Quagmire Of Bodily Fluids That Is Being A Vegetarian.
Hahahaha.
Then Was Saturday.
I Saw British Sea Power With Curtis, Emily And Harry, Who Stunned Me.
I Saw Them On Jools Holland A Few Months Ago, And Thought They Were Pretty Average, But They Have This Song 'Harriet' That Is Just Brilliant. They Were All Around Excellent Actually.
Then I Went To See Santogold On My Own, Who Was Wicked.
She Had Dancers And A Live Band Which Was Rad, Dub-Pop Sounds Way Better With A Live Bass.
Unfortunately, Santogold Was Slightly Upstaged During Her Set.
I MET THE GUITARIST OF FUCKING BLOC PARTY.
He Was Stood Behind Me During Her Whole Set.
I Turned Round And Did One Of Those Gasped 'FUCK's, Turned Around About Five Minutes Later To Say Hi And Shake His Hand.
I Get Totally Starstruck.
But It Was One Of Those Moments Where I Was Like 'This Guy Is In One Of My Favourite Bands, If I Don't Say Anything I Will Regret It For Basically The Rest Of My Life.'
After That I Was So Hyped I Had To Have One Of Those Celebratory Cigarettes.
Normally I Smoke Because I'm A Bit Wound Up Or Bored, But This Time It Was What I Imagine A Post-Sex Smoke Is Like.
I Walked To The Main Stage To See Who Was Playing (The Subways) And Met This Gurl Who Was Probably The Best Dressed Person I Have Ever Seen.
She Ran At Me And Had This Speech At Me:
'Can I Just Say That Your Chucks Are Awesome And That You Look Amazing With That Blue Eyeliner On? Is It From Superdrug? I'm Wearing The Gold And Green Superdrug Ones Today, Look!'
And I Thanked Her, And Said She Was Dressed Amazingly, And That I Wished More People Bothered So Much And At The Same Time Didn't Care What People Thought.
She Has Inspired Me To Take The Richey Edwards Look I Have Been Craving To Tackle Head On. I'm No Longer Afraid Of Being Asked If I'm A Gurl, Because That's Only Embarrassing When You're Trying To Force Your Gender On People You Want To Sleep With, And I Don't Really Want To Sleep With Anyone Any More, The Past Is A Grotesque Animal As Georgie Fruit Would Say, Plus If You Look At People Having Sex It Is Kind Of A Hilarious Pastime, Just Bashing Stuff Into Someone Else's Stuff.
Like Revision And Sleeping, I'll Do It When I Have To.
Hahaha.
Or You Know, Am In Love, As Incredibly Hilarious As That Idea Is, The Single People Are Sluts Now And It Bores Me To The Point Of Insanity.
My Latest Pledge Of Abstinence Is More Out Of Protest Than Asexuality.
ANYWAY, Then I Saw The Mystery Jets.
They Were Okay.
They Were Missing Something.
It Might've Been Russell From Bloc Party.
Then We All Went Back To The Camp To Drink As Much Alcohol As We Could Before We Had To Return To The Main Arena.
Four Pounds A Pint Makes Me Spit Blood At Short Women Who Don't Want To Take My Money And ID Me.
I Went To See The Raconteurs With Curtis And Emily, They Were Wicked.
I Stayed With Them For Bloc Party, We Got Really Close And Then I Got Out Because I Smoked Too Much And Felt Faint.
Bloc Party Were Amazing Though, They Were Really Fun As Opposed To Their Normal Slightly Serious Selves.
They Played Every Song I Wanted Them To, Which Was Nice Of Them.
After Bloc Party I Went Straight To The NME Tent For The Manic Street Preachers.
However, They Weren't On Until Twenty Past Ten.
I Sat Through About Forty Minutes Of Bullet For My Valentine.
I Now Consider Them The Worst Band In The World.
I Spoke To Loads Of People Who Had The Same Idea As Me, Who'd Come Early For The Manics And Had To Sit Through Metal Bullshit.
One Guy Came Up To Me And Went 'You're Not Here For This Are You?'
I Replied 'FUCK NO MAN! This Is Probably The Worst Band Ever!'
And Then We Had A Really Long Chat About How Good The Manic Street Preachers Are And How Shit Metal Is.
Some Guys Then Overheard, And The Guy I Was Talking To Left And They Came Over, And Were Like 'We Overheard You Talking To That Guy, I Am So Sick Of This Fucking Band, How Can You Enjoy What Is Basically Rumbling And Sounding Like A Fucking Idiot?'
They Then Finished, And Everyone Stood Outside The Tent Cheered As The Metal Kids Left The Tent And We Piled In.
I Got Really Close To The Front, And Was Stood Next To These Welsh Kids Who Were So Hyped For Them That It Made ME Even More Hyped For Them.
The Gurl Asked Me What I Hoped They'd Play, And I Said Just Loads Of Generation Terrorists And The Holy Bible, She Agreed And Then These Two Guys Behind Me Came In And Went 'Good Choice Man!'.
These Guys Were Who I Was To Spend The Rest Of My Evening With.
They Were Absolutely Hilarious.
They Had A Bottle Of Vodka And Loads Of Weed, And Were Very Generous Souls.
They Kept Making Jokes About How They Couldn't Wait For Rage Against The Machine And Their New Views On Politics, And How Zach De La Rocha Is Actually Well Into WMDs And Iraq And George Bush.
It Was So Funny And Stupid.
The Shorter Of The Two Guys Then Went To some Guy Stood Near Us 'Oh Man, I Can't Wait For The New Rage Stuff, I Hear They're Gonna Play It Tonight! I Got A Recording Of It On The Internet, It Sounds So Good, I Know All The Lyrics Already.'
The Guy He Was Speaking To Laughed A Bit And Nodded Along.
The Guy Telling Him All This Then Sang This Song:
'Bomb Bomb Bomb
Bomb Bomb Iran
Bomb Bomb Bomb
Bomb Bomb Iran.'
It Was Fucking Hilarious.
Like, Totally Dumbass Humour, But Hilarious.
Then The Manics Came On And It Was One Of The Most Amazing Things I've Ever Seen.
They Played 'You Love Us', 'Of Walking Abortion', 'Faster', 'Motorcycle Emptiness' And 'Little Baby Nothing', Which Are Some Of My Favourite Songs Ever.
Singing 'Culture, Alienation, Boredom And Despair' At Strangers Acting As Friends Was Absolutely Perfect, I Never Wanted That Moment To End.
And Then 'Motorcycle Emptiness' Was Just As Massive, The Two Guys I Met Somehow Barndanced To It With The Biggest Smiles On Their Faces, It Was Just So Fucking Rad, All Of It.
Then I Went Back To The Camp, The Manics Had Finished Much Later Than The Killers And When Everyone Asked Where I'd Been They Didn't Seem That Ecstatic When They Said 'Oh, We Went To See The Killers'.
As Opposed To Me Who Was Like 'FUCK DUDE, I LITERALLY SAW THE MANICS, NICKY WIRE WAS THERE, IT WAS ONE OF THE HIGH POINTS OF MY LIFE!'
Saturday Night Was Much More Understated Than Friday Night, We Had A Fire And Turned Band Names Into Porno Names.
I Made Sure All Of Mine Were A Bit Sinister, And Described Them As Graphically As I Could.
I Was In That Mood I Always Fall Into At Reading, Which Is Inspired By Salt And Pepa's Classic 'Push It', Because I Say Disgusting Things Until Nobody Laughs.
Examples Of Mine Were 'Black Kids', 'Kids In Glass Houses' And 'Manic Street Preachers.'
People Asked How 'Manic Street Preachers' Was At All Pornish, Or Even Disgusting, And I Went On To Explain That It Would Involve Those Mentalists You Get On Oxford Street Getting Down With Some Young Thang In The Middle Of Leicester Square Whilst Reciting The Book Of Revelations.
I Laughed My Arse Off.
I Was Alone.
The Best Anyone Came Up With Was 'Machine Head'.
I Think Marcos Said It.
Genius.
Then I'm Going To Skip Sunday, I Spent It Mostly Alone Watching Amazing Bands.
Yeasayer Was A Highlight.
So Was Crystal Castles.
And Tenacious D Were Just Hilariously Funny.
I AM FREE ALL OF THIS WEEK.
COME HANG OUT WITH ME, I DRESS WELL AND AM WILLING TO INTERACT WITH STRANGERS.
If You Googled Something Like 'Preacher Porn' And Stumbled Upon This By Accident, Get In Touch, We'll Hang Out.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'd Say It's Their Second Best Album, After 'Silent Alarm.'
'Silent Alarm' Is Just One Of Those Albums That Is Associated With Wicked Stuff Happening In My Life, And I Now Almost Look At It As If The Album Itself Brought On All The Events That Were Happening At That Time In My Life.
The Only Other Album I Think I Do That With Is 'For Screening Purposes Only', Except That Is Associated With This Insane Autumn I Had Once During 'The Wilderness Years'.
It Is Definitely Possible Test Icicles Brought On The Events That Ended 'The Wilderness Years', I'd Like To Think They Were The Breakthrough Moment, Haha.
So Anyway I Haven't Written In Ages, Blah Blah Blah, I've Been Writing Lyrics Or Poems Or Novels Depending On How You Read What I've Written, It's All A Bit Bent Out Of Shape And Excellent But For My Eyes Only.
It Isn't Yet My Duty To Write, And I Hope That I'll Never Be Forced To Write And That It Will Always Be Something I Do And Find Interesting And Fun.
College Killed It For Me For A Bit, Because I Felt I Was Having To Write About Onomatopoeia Found In Radiohead Lyrics. But With My Results I Discovered I Didn't Have To At All, I Got A 'U' In My English Coursework But A 'B' In My Media Coursework, Where I Mostly Wrote About The Phallic Symbolism Of Guitars. I'd Been Reading A Lot Of JG Ballard, And He Can Link Almost Anything To Sex Based Death, So I Felt Like Shoving Prose About Cocks And Androgyny In A Pregnant Woman's Face Was My Last Hurrah, Collegewise.
But Anyway, I'm Back Into Writing This Thing.
This Long Weekend Was Reading Festival.
It Was Awesome.
I Got There Thursday Afternoon After A Train Journey Which Involved Hiding Beer From The Ticket Man And Throwing A Kid's Bike Around So Him And His Dad Could Fit On With Us And All Our Junk.
It Was Fun, At First I Was All 'Oh Mannnn, I Can't Swear In Front Of A Kid, And The Guys I'm With Are', But The Dad Shouted 'Oh For Fuck's Sake' About Fitting His Bike On The Train, Which Lulled Me Into A State Of Tipsy Relaxation.
The Walk After The Train Was Horrible.
I Was With This Guy John I Met Who Was Pretty Funny, He Had This Massive Sports Bag On One Shoulder Which Looked Like It Really Hurt, And It Just Took Us Fucking Ages Cos Of All The Posh Kids Coming Home For A Wash After One Night.
Then The Queue Was Totally Manic, Took So Long.
It Was Made Less Painful By The Guy Shouting Brilliant Mythology Based Slogans.
The Best Was 'Spartans, What Is Your Profession?', To Which The Whole Crowd Went 'Awooh, Awooh, Awooh!'
He Looked So Pleased With Himself.
Thing Is, He Got A Bit Too Cocky, And Chanted 'I AM SPARTACUS.'
Some People Joined In, Saying They Were Spartacus, But Most Said He Was A Fucking Knobhead.
Which I Felt Was Harsh But Really Funny.
Then I 'Unpacked' (Read As 'Threw My Bag In A Tent And Got My Vodka Out') And Sat About With Everyone Smoking And Drinking For About Thirteen Hours.
We Literally Only Moved To Take A Piss Or Find More Drink.
It Was Great.
Then Was Friday.
I Went To See The Future Of The Left With Various People Who Left And Met Rob And Frankie About Half Way Through Their Set.
They Were Amazing, Such A Good Start To The Weekend.
'Colin Is A Pussy, A Very Pretty Pussy' And 'Better Hedgehog Than Porcupine' Are Two Of The Best Lyrics Ever.
Then I Met Up With Sam And Jonny And Went To See John Cooper Clarke.
He Was So Funny, And When He Read 'Evidently Chickentown' I Got So Fired Up I Nearly Started A Fight With A Phil Jupitus Fan.
Phil Jupitus Is To Stand Up Comedy What The Fratellis Are To Alternative Music.
They Both Make Fat Lager Louts Feel Like They're Cultured.
This Guy Wouldn't Stop Shouting 'Bring On Phil Jupitus', So I Told Him To Fuck Off.
And He Should've Fucked Off, Not Acknowledging The Genius That is John Cooper Clarke.
Jonny Went As Far As To Say He Hoped He Died.
I TOTALLY Agreed.
Then I Saw Pete And The Pirates (Nothing To Shout About), Dizzee Rascal (Incredible) And Then Took A Break Until QOTSA.
I Don't Want This To Turn Into A Review Of The Entire Weekend, I'm More About Human Interest I Like To Think, Which Is Why I Will Now Mostly Talk About People And That.
Oh And Rage Were Totally Killah, But That Was Predictable.
Friday Night Was Awesome, I Sat Around The Really Hilariously Bad Campfire (We Were Just Burning Things We'd Used, Like Condoms And Chairs) With Cheney And Grace And Jonny And Sam And That.
It Was Fun, But Freezing Cold.
Somehow I Was Way Colder Than Everyone Else, It's Probably Something To Do With Not Eating Meat, Everything Else Is Apparently.
It's Why I Get More Attacked By Mosquitoes, And That Is The Cleanest One I Can Bother To Say, I Don't Want To Get Into The Quagmire Of Bodily Fluids That Is Being A Vegetarian.
Hahahaha.
Then Was Saturday.
I Saw British Sea Power With Curtis, Emily And Harry, Who Stunned Me.
I Saw Them On Jools Holland A Few Months Ago, And Thought They Were Pretty Average, But They Have This Song 'Harriet' That Is Just Brilliant. They Were All Around Excellent Actually.
Then I Went To See Santogold On My Own, Who Was Wicked.
She Had Dancers And A Live Band Which Was Rad, Dub-Pop Sounds Way Better With A Live Bass.
Unfortunately, Santogold Was Slightly Upstaged During Her Set.
I MET THE GUITARIST OF FUCKING BLOC PARTY.
He Was Stood Behind Me During Her Whole Set.
I Turned Round And Did One Of Those Gasped 'FUCK's, Turned Around About Five Minutes Later To Say Hi And Shake His Hand.
I Get Totally Starstruck.
But It Was One Of Those Moments Where I Was Like 'This Guy Is In One Of My Favourite Bands, If I Don't Say Anything I Will Regret It For Basically The Rest Of My Life.'
After That I Was So Hyped I Had To Have One Of Those Celebratory Cigarettes.
Normally I Smoke Because I'm A Bit Wound Up Or Bored, But This Time It Was What I Imagine A Post-Sex Smoke Is Like.
I Walked To The Main Stage To See Who Was Playing (The Subways) And Met This Gurl Who Was Probably The Best Dressed Person I Have Ever Seen.
She Ran At Me And Had This Speech At Me:
'Can I Just Say That Your Chucks Are Awesome And That You Look Amazing With That Blue Eyeliner On? Is It From Superdrug? I'm Wearing The Gold And Green Superdrug Ones Today, Look!'
And I Thanked Her, And Said She Was Dressed Amazingly, And That I Wished More People Bothered So Much And At The Same Time Didn't Care What People Thought.
She Has Inspired Me To Take The Richey Edwards Look I Have Been Craving To Tackle Head On. I'm No Longer Afraid Of Being Asked If I'm A Gurl, Because That's Only Embarrassing When You're Trying To Force Your Gender On People You Want To Sleep With, And I Don't Really Want To Sleep With Anyone Any More, The Past Is A Grotesque Animal As Georgie Fruit Would Say, Plus If You Look At People Having Sex It Is Kind Of A Hilarious Pastime, Just Bashing Stuff Into Someone Else's Stuff.
Like Revision And Sleeping, I'll Do It When I Have To.
Hahaha.
Or You Know, Am In Love, As Incredibly Hilarious As That Idea Is, The Single People Are Sluts Now And It Bores Me To The Point Of Insanity.
My Latest Pledge Of Abstinence Is More Out Of Protest Than Asexuality.
ANYWAY, Then I Saw The Mystery Jets.
They Were Okay.
They Were Missing Something.
It Might've Been Russell From Bloc Party.
Then We All Went Back To The Camp To Drink As Much Alcohol As We Could Before We Had To Return To The Main Arena.
Four Pounds A Pint Makes Me Spit Blood At Short Women Who Don't Want To Take My Money And ID Me.
I Went To See The Raconteurs With Curtis And Emily, They Were Wicked.
I Stayed With Them For Bloc Party, We Got Really Close And Then I Got Out Because I Smoked Too Much And Felt Faint.
Bloc Party Were Amazing Though, They Were Really Fun As Opposed To Their Normal Slightly Serious Selves.
They Played Every Song I Wanted Them To, Which Was Nice Of Them.
After Bloc Party I Went Straight To The NME Tent For The Manic Street Preachers.
However, They Weren't On Until Twenty Past Ten.
I Sat Through About Forty Minutes Of Bullet For My Valentine.
I Now Consider Them The Worst Band In The World.
I Spoke To Loads Of People Who Had The Same Idea As Me, Who'd Come Early For The Manics And Had To Sit Through Metal Bullshit.
One Guy Came Up To Me And Went 'You're Not Here For This Are You?'
I Replied 'FUCK NO MAN! This Is Probably The Worst Band Ever!'
And Then We Had A Really Long Chat About How Good The Manic Street Preachers Are And How Shit Metal Is.
Some Guys Then Overheard, And The Guy I Was Talking To Left And They Came Over, And Were Like 'We Overheard You Talking To That Guy, I Am So Sick Of This Fucking Band, How Can You Enjoy What Is Basically Rumbling And Sounding Like A Fucking Idiot?'
They Then Finished, And Everyone Stood Outside The Tent Cheered As The Metal Kids Left The Tent And We Piled In.
I Got Really Close To The Front, And Was Stood Next To These Welsh Kids Who Were So Hyped For Them That It Made ME Even More Hyped For Them.
The Gurl Asked Me What I Hoped They'd Play, And I Said Just Loads Of Generation Terrorists And The Holy Bible, She Agreed And Then These Two Guys Behind Me Came In And Went 'Good Choice Man!'.
These Guys Were Who I Was To Spend The Rest Of My Evening With.
They Were Absolutely Hilarious.
They Had A Bottle Of Vodka And Loads Of Weed, And Were Very Generous Souls.
They Kept Making Jokes About How They Couldn't Wait For Rage Against The Machine And Their New Views On Politics, And How Zach De La Rocha Is Actually Well Into WMDs And Iraq And George Bush.
It Was So Funny And Stupid.
The Shorter Of The Two Guys Then Went To some Guy Stood Near Us 'Oh Man, I Can't Wait For The New Rage Stuff, I Hear They're Gonna Play It Tonight! I Got A Recording Of It On The Internet, It Sounds So Good, I Know All The Lyrics Already.'
The Guy He Was Speaking To Laughed A Bit And Nodded Along.
The Guy Telling Him All This Then Sang This Song:
'Bomb Bomb Bomb
Bomb Bomb Iran
Bomb Bomb Bomb
Bomb Bomb Iran.'
It Was Fucking Hilarious.
Like, Totally Dumbass Humour, But Hilarious.
Then The Manics Came On And It Was One Of The Most Amazing Things I've Ever Seen.
They Played 'You Love Us', 'Of Walking Abortion', 'Faster', 'Motorcycle Emptiness' And 'Little Baby Nothing', Which Are Some Of My Favourite Songs Ever.
Singing 'Culture, Alienation, Boredom And Despair' At Strangers Acting As Friends Was Absolutely Perfect, I Never Wanted That Moment To End.
And Then 'Motorcycle Emptiness' Was Just As Massive, The Two Guys I Met Somehow Barndanced To It With The Biggest Smiles On Their Faces, It Was Just So Fucking Rad, All Of It.
Then I Went Back To The Camp, The Manics Had Finished Much Later Than The Killers And When Everyone Asked Where I'd Been They Didn't Seem That Ecstatic When They Said 'Oh, We Went To See The Killers'.
As Opposed To Me Who Was Like 'FUCK DUDE, I LITERALLY SAW THE MANICS, NICKY WIRE WAS THERE, IT WAS ONE OF THE HIGH POINTS OF MY LIFE!'
Saturday Night Was Much More Understated Than Friday Night, We Had A Fire And Turned Band Names Into Porno Names.
I Made Sure All Of Mine Were A Bit Sinister, And Described Them As Graphically As I Could.
I Was In That Mood I Always Fall Into At Reading, Which Is Inspired By Salt And Pepa's Classic 'Push It', Because I Say Disgusting Things Until Nobody Laughs.
Examples Of Mine Were 'Black Kids', 'Kids In Glass Houses' And 'Manic Street Preachers.'
People Asked How 'Manic Street Preachers' Was At All Pornish, Or Even Disgusting, And I Went On To Explain That It Would Involve Those Mentalists You Get On Oxford Street Getting Down With Some Young Thang In The Middle Of Leicester Square Whilst Reciting The Book Of Revelations.
I Laughed My Arse Off.
I Was Alone.
The Best Anyone Came Up With Was 'Machine Head'.
I Think Marcos Said It.
Genius.
Then I'm Going To Skip Sunday, I Spent It Mostly Alone Watching Amazing Bands.
Yeasayer Was A Highlight.
So Was Crystal Castles.
And Tenacious D Were Just Hilariously Funny.
I AM FREE ALL OF THIS WEEK.
COME HANG OUT WITH ME, I DRESS WELL AND AM WILLING TO INTERACT WITH STRANGERS.
If You Googled Something Like 'Preacher Porn' And Stumbled Upon This By Accident, Get In Touch, We'll Hang Out.
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Wednesday 16 April 2008
I'M GONNA TAKE MY TIME, AND SHE'S GONNA GET HER'S BEFORE I, GET MINE.
I Know It's Such A Shit Song, But Snoop Dogg Has Lyrics I Would Die For.
And The Hot Chip Cover Of That Song Is Amazing.
Look It Up On Hype Machine, I'd Post It But I Really Can't Be Bothered, It Takes So Long And Nobody Ever Really Cares.
So I Haven't Written In Fucking Ages, But Luckily That Means That I Should Have Loads To Write About.
Bear With Me, Because This WILL Be Stream-Of-Consciousness-Esque.
Mainly Due To The Fact That I Don't Remember Anything Having Happened, So I'll Write As It Comes To Me.
I Think I Might Start Writing Stream Of Consciousness Prose, See What Comes Out, Then Overanalyse It Until My Thoughts Are Other People's Comedy.
So, The First Funny Thing That Happened To Me Since I Last Wrote Was Probably Last Tuesday Night, When Me, Curtis, Ren, Hannah, Chess, Lucy, Hayley And Tahaany (Not All On The Same Train, That Would've Been Messy And Ganglike) Went To This Really Terrible Gig At The Boileroom.
I Really Don't Mind If You're Reading This Thinking 'Oh My Friend Put That On!' Or 'I'm In One Of Those Bands', Come And Find Me. The Guy That Put It On Actually Seemed Safe, This Is In No Way An Attack, Just A Plea For People To Realise What Stunning Music Is Coming Out Locally.
The Spunkxcore Movement Is Really Gaining Momentum, Catch It.
You Heard. Catch The Spunk.
Catch It With Both Hands, Cos Friend, It Is Massive.
That Was An Immature Self-Indulgent Joke.
I Chuffing Loved It.
BUT YEAH.
The Train There Was Kind Of Hilarious.
These Guys In Joggers Had Sort Of, Been Intimidating Me At The Station, Asking For Cigarettes And My Wallet. I'd Made A Friend By Telling Them All To Fuck Off. It Was Bold, Probably, But You Must Realise That, Like Bears, You Can Tell If Groups Of Kids Are Actually Going To Be Violent By How They Approach You. Normally If They Walk Slowly You'll Be Fine. If They Stare At You, That's Bad. If They Sit Down Next To You, You've Normally Won.
But On The Train They Asked All The Ladies To Suck Their Dicks.
To Be Fair, If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get.
However, They Didn't Get Anything But Shunned.
Then They Left, By Pushing The Train Guy Out Of The Way Quite Violently.
I Asked If He Was Alright.
I'm Trying This New Thing Of Actually Just Being Nice, It's Sort Of, Post-Post-Modern.
He Said 'Yeah Thanks Mate. Anyway, My Son's Bigger Than Him, He'll Find Them.'
No Laugh.
I Laughed, He Didn't.
Hahaha.
When We Got There, We Sat In The Garden Smoking And Drinking And Talking Through Almost Every Band, Until The Bar Shut Cos Too Many Young Kids Got In And Faked The Hand Marks, And Then Me, Chess And Curtis Went On A Bar Run.
We Went To TGI Friday's And Had Sambucas.
We Went To Some Little Posh Bar And Had Tequilas.
Tequila Sucks.
Then We Ran Back.
It Was A Lot Of Money Spent In A Horrible, Awkward Semi-Run.
But I Liked It.
Then We Got Back There And Just Did The Same Again.
That Was Pretty Much The End Of Anything Funny Happening.
Then Last Weekend I Had A Free House.
On Friday Night Some People Came Round, We Got A Bit Drunk And Listened To 'Is This It.'
I Felt Really Mid-20s, Having Found The Perfect 'Let's Not Go Too Crazy Guyyyys' Music.
But You Know, We Had Drink Parasols, Toffee Vodkat And Make-Up, So It Was Okay.
Me And Tom 'Secretly' Put Make Up On.
Tom Did The Perfect Impression Of Chris Crocker.
Look Him Up, It Was So Funny.
I Just Looked Like Myself With Make Up On.
Make Up Doesn't Really Change How I Look.
Just A Bit Dark-Eyed.
Eye Make-Up And Cigarettes Form My Edge.
Although It's Sort Of Like The Edge Of A Really Shit Pizza, Where There's No Crunch When You Bite It.
Those Pizzas Make Me Wonder If There's Any Point To Anything At All.
Then I Don't Remember Much Else.
Saturday I Pottered About, Cooking Really Extravagant Meals For Myself.
In The Evening We Went To NJ's Party Which Was Wicked, We All Just Got Really Drunk.
Billy Kept Exchanging Vodka For Haribo With The Children.
I Did Nothing Of The Sort.
I Just Nicked All The Haribo Hearts.
None Of The Adults Looked Impressed When I Went 'Oh Billy, Trust You To Be Sat In The Kid's Room, Legs Akimbo.'
On The Way Home We Got Penalty Warnings.
I Quite Liked It.
Sunday In An Attempt To Clean My House I Smashed A Dinner Plate And Two Vodka Bottles.
Swish.
That Was Sunday, Really.
Nothing Much Has Happened This Week.
Had A Rad Band Practice.
And Tonight I Watched Edward 'Scissorhands', Which Is An Amazing Film.
I Like When He Killed The Bully.
And How Good He Is At Cutting Stuff.
It's Also Hilarious That The Reason He Doesn't Have Proper Hands Is Because His Maker Died The Day He Bought Them For Him.
It's A Pretty Messed Up Film.
He Gets Semi-Raped.
Messy, I'm Sure You Can Imagine.
Err Yeah I'm Bored So I'll Write Again Soon.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
And The Hot Chip Cover Of That Song Is Amazing.
Look It Up On Hype Machine, I'd Post It But I Really Can't Be Bothered, It Takes So Long And Nobody Ever Really Cares.
So I Haven't Written In Fucking Ages, But Luckily That Means That I Should Have Loads To Write About.
Bear With Me, Because This WILL Be Stream-Of-Consciousness-Esque.
Mainly Due To The Fact That I Don't Remember Anything Having Happened, So I'll Write As It Comes To Me.
I Think I Might Start Writing Stream Of Consciousness Prose, See What Comes Out, Then Overanalyse It Until My Thoughts Are Other People's Comedy.
So, The First Funny Thing That Happened To Me Since I Last Wrote Was Probably Last Tuesday Night, When Me, Curtis, Ren, Hannah, Chess, Lucy, Hayley And Tahaany (Not All On The Same Train, That Would've Been Messy And Ganglike) Went To This Really Terrible Gig At The Boileroom.
I Really Don't Mind If You're Reading This Thinking 'Oh My Friend Put That On!' Or 'I'm In One Of Those Bands', Come And Find Me. The Guy That Put It On Actually Seemed Safe, This Is In No Way An Attack, Just A Plea For People To Realise What Stunning Music Is Coming Out Locally.
The Spunkxcore Movement Is Really Gaining Momentum, Catch It.
You Heard. Catch The Spunk.
Catch It With Both Hands, Cos Friend, It Is Massive.
That Was An Immature Self-Indulgent Joke.
I Chuffing Loved It.
BUT YEAH.
The Train There Was Kind Of Hilarious.
These Guys In Joggers Had Sort Of, Been Intimidating Me At The Station, Asking For Cigarettes And My Wallet. I'd Made A Friend By Telling Them All To Fuck Off. It Was Bold, Probably, But You Must Realise That, Like Bears, You Can Tell If Groups Of Kids Are Actually Going To Be Violent By How They Approach You. Normally If They Walk Slowly You'll Be Fine. If They Stare At You, That's Bad. If They Sit Down Next To You, You've Normally Won.
But On The Train They Asked All The Ladies To Suck Their Dicks.
To Be Fair, If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get.
However, They Didn't Get Anything But Shunned.
Then They Left, By Pushing The Train Guy Out Of The Way Quite Violently.
I Asked If He Was Alright.
I'm Trying This New Thing Of Actually Just Being Nice, It's Sort Of, Post-Post-Modern.
He Said 'Yeah Thanks Mate. Anyway, My Son's Bigger Than Him, He'll Find Them.'
No Laugh.
I Laughed, He Didn't.
Hahaha.
When We Got There, We Sat In The Garden Smoking And Drinking And Talking Through Almost Every Band, Until The Bar Shut Cos Too Many Young Kids Got In And Faked The Hand Marks, And Then Me, Chess And Curtis Went On A Bar Run.
We Went To TGI Friday's And Had Sambucas.
We Went To Some Little Posh Bar And Had Tequilas.
Tequila Sucks.
Then We Ran Back.
It Was A Lot Of Money Spent In A Horrible, Awkward Semi-Run.
But I Liked It.
Then We Got Back There And Just Did The Same Again.
That Was Pretty Much The End Of Anything Funny Happening.
Then Last Weekend I Had A Free House.
On Friday Night Some People Came Round, We Got A Bit Drunk And Listened To 'Is This It.'
I Felt Really Mid-20s, Having Found The Perfect 'Let's Not Go Too Crazy Guyyyys' Music.
But You Know, We Had Drink Parasols, Toffee Vodkat And Make-Up, So It Was Okay.
Me And Tom 'Secretly' Put Make Up On.
Tom Did The Perfect Impression Of Chris Crocker.
Look Him Up, It Was So Funny.
I Just Looked Like Myself With Make Up On.
Make Up Doesn't Really Change How I Look.
Just A Bit Dark-Eyed.
Eye Make-Up And Cigarettes Form My Edge.
Although It's Sort Of Like The Edge Of A Really Shit Pizza, Where There's No Crunch When You Bite It.
Those Pizzas Make Me Wonder If There's Any Point To Anything At All.
Then I Don't Remember Much Else.
Saturday I Pottered About, Cooking Really Extravagant Meals For Myself.
In The Evening We Went To NJ's Party Which Was Wicked, We All Just Got Really Drunk.
Billy Kept Exchanging Vodka For Haribo With The Children.
I Did Nothing Of The Sort.
I Just Nicked All The Haribo Hearts.
None Of The Adults Looked Impressed When I Went 'Oh Billy, Trust You To Be Sat In The Kid's Room, Legs Akimbo.'
On The Way Home We Got Penalty Warnings.
I Quite Liked It.
Sunday In An Attempt To Clean My House I Smashed A Dinner Plate And Two Vodka Bottles.
Swish.
That Was Sunday, Really.
Nothing Much Has Happened This Week.
Had A Rad Band Practice.
And Tonight I Watched Edward 'Scissorhands', Which Is An Amazing Film.
I Like When He Killed The Bully.
And How Good He Is At Cutting Stuff.
It's Also Hilarious That The Reason He Doesn't Have Proper Hands Is Because His Maker Died The Day He Bought Them For Him.
It's A Pretty Messed Up Film.
He Gets Semi-Raped.
Messy, I'm Sure You Can Imagine.
Err Yeah I'm Bored So I'll Write Again Soon.
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Monday 31 March 2008
LET'S JUST BIN THE INVITATION.
Sometimes The Titles Of These Mean Something, Sometimes They're Just A Nice Lyric.
I Like That Lyric A Bit.
Of Course, In The Original Patrick Wolf Context It Means Something Beautiful And Romantic, But At This Point For Me, I Have Been Invited To College And Keep Waking Up About Four Hours Late For It.
I Wish That Was A Joke, I Woke Up At Quarter To Twelve Today, That Lost Hour Wasn't Lost On Me, Bad Times.
I'd Really Hoped This Week Was A Fresh Start N'All. Haha.
(Let's Go) Get Lost (Live At Motel Mozaique) - Patrick Wolf
Also, That Song Has A Bit Of Patrick Wolf Just Talking.
He Acts As A Salesman But It Still Sounds Really Beautiful...I Don't Care How Lame That Is, I'm A Lame Person Probably.
So I Haven't Written In A Week, I'm Sorry For That, Nothing's Inspired Me In Ages, But Upon Reflection There's Been More Than Enough To Write About.
Tuesday I Went To College, And As Always When I'm There, Teachers Were Amazed.
And I Wish That Was In A 'Ahh Yeah, Ben Turned Up Muthafuckah, Let's Burn This Place Down In Ecstasy' Way, But It Wasn't.
I Kind Of Wish I Had The Motivation To Go, But I'm Never Given A Chance To Slip Back Into An Expected Routine, What With All The Handouts And Head Shakes, So I Probably Never Will.
I Just Need A Time Out Really, Two Weeks To Sleep And Get Really Hungover, Haha.
Wednesday I Had My Interview For Westminster University.
That Day Was A Joke.
As Always I Started The Uni Day Off With A Bit Of 'Reel Around The Fountain' On The Train.
It Reminds Me Of Coming Out Of LCC And Waiting To Meet Dylan Sat Between These Two Old Ladies Who Shared Mints And Conversation Over Me.
It Was Really Really Funny For Some Reason, And I Had A Sort Of, Out Of Body Experience To Gain The True Comedic Value In The Moment - Just Me In All Grey Smiling Sat Between Two Old Ladies, I Was A Post-Punk Paddington Bear.
But Yeah, I Got The Quarter Past Train, And My Interview Was At Two.
PLENTY OF TIME, SURELY.
You Would Think So, But Harrow, Where Westminster University Is, Is Nearer Watford Than Waterloo.
And That's Not A Clever Play On Words, The Train On The Opposite Tracks When I Eventually Got There Was Going To Watford.
I Got To The Station About Ten Minutes Past Two O'Clock, Which Basically Meant I Was Fucked.
But I Asked A Lady Where The Uni Was, And Walked Really Fast, And Was There By Quarter Past.
THEN I Was At The Wrong Entrance, And Had To Walk Around Finding The Right One.
THEN They'd Left Without Me, So I Had To Find The Room They Were In.
The Lift Experience Was Really Funny, It Was Basically Full And I Was Trapped In The Back Right Corner (The Opposite Corner To The Buttons), And I Asked A Guy If He Could 'Push The Button That Led To The Third Floor.'
It Was All Very Poorly Worded.
He Stared At Me After Pressing The Button, And I Felt Slightly Violated.
Everyone In That Lift Was Definitely Undressing Me With Their Eyes.
'You're Not From Watford, Can I See Under Your Shirt?' Their Eyes SCREAMED At Me.
Luckily The Third Floor Was The First Stop, So I Got Out Before They Could Exert Their Zombie-Like Power On My Weak Cotton Attire.
I Walked Up And Down This Hall For Ages, Looking For Room 315.
The Numbered Rooms Jumped From 314 To 316, But They Weren't All Odd - It Went 310, 311, 312, 313, 314, 316, 317...
I Felt Led On.
So, I Knocked On 316 And Asked The Bearded Henry VIIIth Lookalike Where 315 Was.
'THIS Is Room 315! What's Your Name Then?'
'Are You Sure This Is Room 315? The Door Says 316, This Place Is Terribly Confusing.'
I Find Myself Saying Words Like 'Terribly' In Situations Where I Have To Break The Ice.
So I Sat Down And Apologised For My Lateness.
Although, Kanye Was Right:
'Y'all Should Be Honoured By My Lateness, That I'd Even Turn Up For This Fake...'
There Was This One Gurl Who Spoke Exactly Like The Bullied Gurl From 'Donnie Darko.'
Every Time She Spoke All I Could Hear In My Head Was 'SHUT UP! SHUT UP!'.
In My Head I Drifted Off Into A World Where I Was Donnie Darko, And She Had A Notebook Dedicated To Me, And Then I Started To Laugh A Bit And The Homosexual Northern Guy Looked At Me For A Really Long Time.
The First Question I Got Asked Was 'What Is Journalism?'.
My Answer Made The Fat Nerd Guy (Who I Have Another Anecdote About Later) Roll His Eyes.
I Was All 'I Think It's An Art Form Sometimes. I Don't Mean Trevor Macdonald Is A Painter, But Like, It Can Inspire People. For Me People Like Jon Savage And John Peel Are Good Examples Of This, And By 'Inspire' I Don't Necessarily Mean It'll Make A Person Write, Or Present A Radio Show, But It Could Put Across What They're Reporting On In An Inspiring Way, Which Could Make People Go And Get Involved In Whatever That Might Be.'
The Presenter Stared At Me.
I Could Tell He Was A Very 'Science' Person As Soon As I'd Rambled On About Punk And Jon Savage For A Little Bit Too Long, And Realised I Now Had To Approach The Thing In A Very Clinical Way.
The Fat Nerd Guy's Answer Was Basically A Really Annoying Way Of Saying 'Journalists Tell People What Goes On In The World.'
Throughout The Entire Interview I Kept Looking Around At Everyone Making Up A Back Story For Them.
There Was A Gurl Who Had No Skin Showing, Because She Was Pierced That Much.
One Of Her Questions Was 'Is This Place Diverse, Cos I Got Told College Would Be But There Was Nobody Like Me There.'
In My Head I Went:
'SHE'S A
PUNK PUNK
PUNK ROCKUH
PUNK PUNK
PUNK ROCKAH
SHE'S A
PUNK PUNK
PUNK ROCKAHHHHHHHH.'
Again, I Couldn't Hold In The Laughter.
There Was Another Gurl Who Was From East London.
She Was My Favourite, I Reckon.
When Asked What Story She Would Write About If Given A Front Page To Fill, She Said She'd Talk About All The Knife Crimes That Go Unreported, Cos 'My Friend Got Stabbed And Like, Didn't Report It Cos He Wanted To Get His Family Involved Instead, Get Some Proper Justice, You Know?'
And I Wish I Was Making That Up, But She Genuinely Said That.
She'd Brought Her Friend Along For Moral Support As Well, And She Was Literally The Funniest Person I've Ever Seen.
She Looked Like Vicky Pollard, If Vicky Pollard Sniffed Loads Of Glue And Ate More Pork Scratchings.
I Really Hate 'Little Britain', Catchphrase-Based Sketch Shows Are Kind Of Weak, But She Really Did Look Like That.
So Anyway, After All That We Went On A Tour.
I Opened The Door For The Fat Nerdy Guy A Few Times, And He Just Stared At Me Like We Were In Direct Competition And He Had His Eyes On The Prize.
I Felt That Was A Bit Rude.
So I Asked Him This:
'Were You In Any Of The Harry Potter Films?'
'No?'
'Oh Right, You Look Like Someone I Saw In One Of Them.'
The Homosexual Northern Guy Got My Dig (He Did The Widening Of The Eyes People Do When They Catch On To A Corker, Yes, I Said Corker) And Laughed Quite A Lot.
This Guy Looked EXACTLY Like Crabbe Or Goyle, Which To Me Was Really Funny, And Clearly To The Northern Guy Also.
After All That I Got The Train Home.
I Listened To Mostly Joy Division, It Had Been A Black Day.
On The Main Train Home I Was Forced To Sit Next To This Old Man.
At First He Looked Really Normal Businessman-Like, But I Looked A Bit Closer And He Was Writing A Poem.
Not A List, A Poem.
It Was Really Weird, And It Instantly Made Me Like Him.
I Had A Read And It Was Good Stuff.
I Gave Him A Bit More Space, Prior To All Of This I'd Been Rather Selfish With My Corner.
We Never Spoke But It Affected Me A Bit, The Idea That A Guy In A Suit Can Still Be Creative.
Nice.
Then Thursday Was The First Of The Four Hour Lie In Phenomenon.
I Went In For Music Tech At Least.
Friday I Similarly Didn't Go In.
In The Evening I Went To See Lady And The Lost Boys Though, Which Was Good, I Think.
Something Happened And I Decided I'd Drink Myself Into Toxicity.
Which Actually Made Me Really Enjoy Myself, If Ever There Was An Advert For Absolute Binge Drinking I Am It.
Becca Drove Me And Jonny There Which Was Rad, I Was DJ And Cranked Out The Classics (5ive's 'If You're Getting Down', But Most Importantly Sisqo's 'The Thong Song').
The First Band On Actually SUCKED, Like, They Were A Soundscape Band.
Me And Becca Stood There, And I Genuinely Thought The Rest Of My Life Was Going To Be That Single Chord.
We Left And Just Sat About For A Bit, Using 'Code.'
You'll Never Know What It Is.
Then I Think Lady And The Lost Boys Were On, They Were Really Great, Although There Was A Sense Of Despair Which I Couldn't Put My Finger On.
I Don't Remember Coming Home, Except For Jumping Out Of Becca's Car At The Traffic Lights, Haha.
I Hope I Wasn't A Problem.
I Spent All My Money On Drink.
And About Half An Hour Ago, When Me And Billy Were Going To MacDonald's, A Really Nice Thing Happened, It's The First Thing That's Made Me Feel Like This For Aaaaaages.
I Exaggerate, But It Was Nice.
Here Is Another Song:
Catch - The Cure
It's Lush, Trust Me, It'll Cheer You Up.
PHWOAR.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I Like That Lyric A Bit.
Of Course, In The Original Patrick Wolf Context It Means Something Beautiful And Romantic, But At This Point For Me, I Have Been Invited To College And Keep Waking Up About Four Hours Late For It.
I Wish That Was A Joke, I Woke Up At Quarter To Twelve Today, That Lost Hour Wasn't Lost On Me, Bad Times.
I'd Really Hoped This Week Was A Fresh Start N'All. Haha.
(Let's Go) Get Lost (Live At Motel Mozaique) - Patrick Wolf
Also, That Song Has A Bit Of Patrick Wolf Just Talking.
He Acts As A Salesman But It Still Sounds Really Beautiful...I Don't Care How Lame That Is, I'm A Lame Person Probably.
So I Haven't Written In A Week, I'm Sorry For That, Nothing's Inspired Me In Ages, But Upon Reflection There's Been More Than Enough To Write About.
Tuesday I Went To College, And As Always When I'm There, Teachers Were Amazed.
And I Wish That Was In A 'Ahh Yeah, Ben Turned Up Muthafuckah, Let's Burn This Place Down In Ecstasy' Way, But It Wasn't.
I Kind Of Wish I Had The Motivation To Go, But I'm Never Given A Chance To Slip Back Into An Expected Routine, What With All The Handouts And Head Shakes, So I Probably Never Will.
I Just Need A Time Out Really, Two Weeks To Sleep And Get Really Hungover, Haha.
Wednesday I Had My Interview For Westminster University.
That Day Was A Joke.
As Always I Started The Uni Day Off With A Bit Of 'Reel Around The Fountain' On The Train.
It Reminds Me Of Coming Out Of LCC And Waiting To Meet Dylan Sat Between These Two Old Ladies Who Shared Mints And Conversation Over Me.
It Was Really Really Funny For Some Reason, And I Had A Sort Of, Out Of Body Experience To Gain The True Comedic Value In The Moment - Just Me In All Grey Smiling Sat Between Two Old Ladies, I Was A Post-Punk Paddington Bear.
But Yeah, I Got The Quarter Past Train, And My Interview Was At Two.
PLENTY OF TIME, SURELY.
You Would Think So, But Harrow, Where Westminster University Is, Is Nearer Watford Than Waterloo.
And That's Not A Clever Play On Words, The Train On The Opposite Tracks When I Eventually Got There Was Going To Watford.
I Got To The Station About Ten Minutes Past Two O'Clock, Which Basically Meant I Was Fucked.
But I Asked A Lady Where The Uni Was, And Walked Really Fast, And Was There By Quarter Past.
THEN I Was At The Wrong Entrance, And Had To Walk Around Finding The Right One.
THEN They'd Left Without Me, So I Had To Find The Room They Were In.
The Lift Experience Was Really Funny, It Was Basically Full And I Was Trapped In The Back Right Corner (The Opposite Corner To The Buttons), And I Asked A Guy If He Could 'Push The Button That Led To The Third Floor.'
It Was All Very Poorly Worded.
He Stared At Me After Pressing The Button, And I Felt Slightly Violated.
Everyone In That Lift Was Definitely Undressing Me With Their Eyes.
'You're Not From Watford, Can I See Under Your Shirt?' Their Eyes SCREAMED At Me.
Luckily The Third Floor Was The First Stop, So I Got Out Before They Could Exert Their Zombie-Like Power On My Weak Cotton Attire.
I Walked Up And Down This Hall For Ages, Looking For Room 315.
The Numbered Rooms Jumped From 314 To 316, But They Weren't All Odd - It Went 310, 311, 312, 313, 314, 316, 317...
I Felt Led On.
So, I Knocked On 316 And Asked The Bearded Henry VIIIth Lookalike Where 315 Was.
'THIS Is Room 315! What's Your Name Then?'
'Are You Sure This Is Room 315? The Door Says 316, This Place Is Terribly Confusing.'
I Find Myself Saying Words Like 'Terribly' In Situations Where I Have To Break The Ice.
So I Sat Down And Apologised For My Lateness.
Although, Kanye Was Right:
'Y'all Should Be Honoured By My Lateness, That I'd Even Turn Up For This Fake...'
There Was This One Gurl Who Spoke Exactly Like The Bullied Gurl From 'Donnie Darko.'
Every Time She Spoke All I Could Hear In My Head Was 'SHUT UP! SHUT UP!'.
In My Head I Drifted Off Into A World Where I Was Donnie Darko, And She Had A Notebook Dedicated To Me, And Then I Started To Laugh A Bit And The Homosexual Northern Guy Looked At Me For A Really Long Time.
The First Question I Got Asked Was 'What Is Journalism?'.
My Answer Made The Fat Nerd Guy (Who I Have Another Anecdote About Later) Roll His Eyes.
I Was All 'I Think It's An Art Form Sometimes. I Don't Mean Trevor Macdonald Is A Painter, But Like, It Can Inspire People. For Me People Like Jon Savage And John Peel Are Good Examples Of This, And By 'Inspire' I Don't Necessarily Mean It'll Make A Person Write, Or Present A Radio Show, But It Could Put Across What They're Reporting On In An Inspiring Way, Which Could Make People Go And Get Involved In Whatever That Might Be.'
The Presenter Stared At Me.
I Could Tell He Was A Very 'Science' Person As Soon As I'd Rambled On About Punk And Jon Savage For A Little Bit Too Long, And Realised I Now Had To Approach The Thing In A Very Clinical Way.
The Fat Nerd Guy's Answer Was Basically A Really Annoying Way Of Saying 'Journalists Tell People What Goes On In The World.'
Throughout The Entire Interview I Kept Looking Around At Everyone Making Up A Back Story For Them.
There Was A Gurl Who Had No Skin Showing, Because She Was Pierced That Much.
One Of Her Questions Was 'Is This Place Diverse, Cos I Got Told College Would Be But There Was Nobody Like Me There.'
In My Head I Went:
'SHE'S A
PUNK PUNK
PUNK ROCKUH
PUNK PUNK
PUNK ROCKAH
SHE'S A
PUNK PUNK
PUNK ROCKAHHHHHHHH.'
Again, I Couldn't Hold In The Laughter.
There Was Another Gurl Who Was From East London.
She Was My Favourite, I Reckon.
When Asked What Story She Would Write About If Given A Front Page To Fill, She Said She'd Talk About All The Knife Crimes That Go Unreported, Cos 'My Friend Got Stabbed And Like, Didn't Report It Cos He Wanted To Get His Family Involved Instead, Get Some Proper Justice, You Know?'
And I Wish I Was Making That Up, But She Genuinely Said That.
She'd Brought Her Friend Along For Moral Support As Well, And She Was Literally The Funniest Person I've Ever Seen.
She Looked Like Vicky Pollard, If Vicky Pollard Sniffed Loads Of Glue And Ate More Pork Scratchings.
I Really Hate 'Little Britain', Catchphrase-Based Sketch Shows Are Kind Of Weak, But She Really Did Look Like That.
So Anyway, After All That We Went On A Tour.
I Opened The Door For The Fat Nerdy Guy A Few Times, And He Just Stared At Me Like We Were In Direct Competition And He Had His Eyes On The Prize.
I Felt That Was A Bit Rude.
So I Asked Him This:
'Were You In Any Of The Harry Potter Films?'
'No?'
'Oh Right, You Look Like Someone I Saw In One Of Them.'
The Homosexual Northern Guy Got My Dig (He Did The Widening Of The Eyes People Do When They Catch On To A Corker, Yes, I Said Corker) And Laughed Quite A Lot.
This Guy Looked EXACTLY Like Crabbe Or Goyle, Which To Me Was Really Funny, And Clearly To The Northern Guy Also.
After All That I Got The Train Home.
I Listened To Mostly Joy Division, It Had Been A Black Day.
On The Main Train Home I Was Forced To Sit Next To This Old Man.
At First He Looked Really Normal Businessman-Like, But I Looked A Bit Closer And He Was Writing A Poem.
Not A List, A Poem.
It Was Really Weird, And It Instantly Made Me Like Him.
I Had A Read And It Was Good Stuff.
I Gave Him A Bit More Space, Prior To All Of This I'd Been Rather Selfish With My Corner.
We Never Spoke But It Affected Me A Bit, The Idea That A Guy In A Suit Can Still Be Creative.
Nice.
Then Thursday Was The First Of The Four Hour Lie In Phenomenon.
I Went In For Music Tech At Least.
Friday I Similarly Didn't Go In.
In The Evening I Went To See Lady And The Lost Boys Though, Which Was Good, I Think.
Something Happened And I Decided I'd Drink Myself Into Toxicity.
Which Actually Made Me Really Enjoy Myself, If Ever There Was An Advert For Absolute Binge Drinking I Am It.
Becca Drove Me And Jonny There Which Was Rad, I Was DJ And Cranked Out The Classics (5ive's 'If You're Getting Down', But Most Importantly Sisqo's 'The Thong Song').
The First Band On Actually SUCKED, Like, They Were A Soundscape Band.
Me And Becca Stood There, And I Genuinely Thought The Rest Of My Life Was Going To Be That Single Chord.
We Left And Just Sat About For A Bit, Using 'Code.'
You'll Never Know What It Is.
Then I Think Lady And The Lost Boys Were On, They Were Really Great, Although There Was A Sense Of Despair Which I Couldn't Put My Finger On.
I Don't Remember Coming Home, Except For Jumping Out Of Becca's Car At The Traffic Lights, Haha.
I Hope I Wasn't A Problem.
I Spent All My Money On Drink.
And About Half An Hour Ago, When Me And Billy Were Going To MacDonald's, A Really Nice Thing Happened, It's The First Thing That's Made Me Feel Like This For Aaaaaages.
I Exaggerate, But It Was Nice.
Here Is Another Song:
Catch - The Cure
It's Lush, Trust Me, It'll Cheer You Up.
PHWOAR.
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Monday 24 March 2008
I'M NOT SURE WHAT HAPPINESS MEANS, BUT I LOOK IN YOUR EYES AND I KNOW THAT IT ISN'T THIS.
Hooray For B-Sides I Say.
I Found A Treasure Chest (Read 'Website') Of Smiths B-Sides About A Week Ago.
All The Stuff With Sandie Shaw And This Absolute Tune Called 'Jeane.'
I'd Load It Up But I've Decided None Of You Have My Love Of Music.
Nobody Ever Talks To Me About Music Any More, In The Immortal Words Of Fred Durst:
'It's All About The 'He Says She Says' Bullshit.'
And I Know, I Know, We're Teenagers, Love Starved Teenagers Like The Ones Off Of The Telly, But It's All Temporary, These People We Ache Over Will Be Little More Than A Second's Worth Of A Hovered Mouse On 'Friends Reunited' In Ten Year's Time When Nostalgia Sets In, Oh What A Terrible Thing...
BUT YEAH, MORE MUSIC TALK.
To Be Honest I Only Crave It Because I Have Brilliant Iggy Pop Related Anecdotes...
The Last Week Or So Has Been Alright.
Today I Had Band Practice*, Watched 'Control' For The Fifth Time In A Month And Went For A Walk Listening To 'Closer', Almost Entirely Sure I Was 2008's Answer To Ian Curtis.
Thursday Night Was A Bit Of Fun, I Got Hit On In The Queue To Jaxx (I Know, I Know, It's A Terrible Place, I Should Be At The Hacienda Or Something).
This Was Probably Down To My Wildly Apologetic Nature - People Pushed And Pushed And I Probably Touched More Than A Few Breasts.
A Masculine Man Would've Gone 'WAAAYYYY' Or Something, But I Apologised Profusely, Isn't It An Actual Thing That Japanese Businessmen Use The Rush Hour Traffic To Touch Up Women?
And If You Think I've Disgracefully Imagined That, CLICK HERE.
When We Eventually Got In (Partially Down To Me Looking A Bit Like A Gurl, Probably) Me And Billy Had A Dance To T-Pain, And Then We All Just Went And Got Fucked In The Room That Plays Cheesy Music.
Some People Call It 'The Cheese Room'.
I Refuse To, Because It Makes It Sound Like You Regularly Go There, And, Yet Again I REFUSE To Say I'm A Regular At A Place Where People Who Do Cocaine Do Cocaine Because They Think It's Edgy.
If I Did Cocaine It'd Be Edgy, But When Meatheads Come Out Of Cubicles Looking Angry Touching Their Noses, It Just Isn't.
So Yeah We Just Got Wasted Listening To The Nolan Sisters And Brutally Dancing.
And This Time I Mean ACTUALLY Brutally, I Got Headbutted Like Nine Times.
Then I Walked Home From The Plough And Horses Again, I Like That Walk A Lot, It Takes Like Forty Minutes And You Can Hear The Birds Waking Up Because Their Body Clocks Have Been Fucked By Pollution.
If There Was Ever A Rage Against The Machine Lyric, There It Is...
Friday Was A Much More Low Key Deal.
It Was Full Of Things I Proper Didn't Care About.
Nice.
Saturday Was Loads Better.
I Walked Into Town To Get Some Beer (I Had Very Little Money And Was Going Out In The Evening, So Figured I Should Get Pretty Drunk Before I Went).
Then I Came Home, Drank Beer And Watched 'Day Of The Dead.'
It's This Really Old Hilariously Depressing Zombie Movie.
There's A Feel Of Doom Running Throughout, And All The Characters Are Really One Dimensional.
There's The 'Hopeful Scientists', 'The Masculine As Army Men' And 'The 'I Don't Give A Fuck What Happens, While We're In This Bunker I Am Getting Wasted' Wasters.'
And The Army Men Threaten The One Woman With Rape And Violence, And Pretty Much Threaten Everyone Else With Violence.
At The End The Main Target Of Their Bullying Goes Out Of The Bunker And Lets All The Zombies In, As He's About To Die Of Blood Loss.
The Single Punk Rock Moment In The Film Is Where The Army Leader Is Getting Ripped Apart By Zombies, And He's Just Screaming 'CHOKE ON IT, CHOKE ON ITTTTTT!', Talking About His Flesh, Basically.
I Chose To Overlook The Obvious Sexual Connotations There, And Saw It As Absolutely Genius.
Jonny Says That When Faced With A Zombie, He'd Appeal To It's Sexual Drive.
Everyone Knows That Zombies Are Powered By Pure Instinct, And Sex Drive Is, Apparently, A Huge Part Of Your Instincts.
So It'd Probably Work.
I Said That I'd Flash Them.
I Think That My Last Move Must Be Completely Unusual Of Me.
And Also, Because Everybody Is So Appalled By The Sight Of Me I Might Not Even Get Eaten.
And I Know Exactly What You're Thinking.
'You've Got Too Much Time On Your Hands Mate.'
And You'd Be Right.
Saturday Night Was Good Stuff Though.
We Went Out For Chess' Birthday To A Bar In Reading.
The Maccabees Were DJing But We Didn't See Them, The Last Train Was Quite Early And I Hadn't Nicked Enough Money Off Of My Mum For A Taxi.
Instead We Drank A Lot Of Wine And Had Some Chats.
I Kicked A Glass Over In A Rage At Harriet.
I Then Immediately Felt Terrible, And Picked Up All The Glass.
I Only Cut The Backs Of My Hands, Which Is Good....?
Truth Be Told, I Was Pretty Much Trashed.
I Kept Hi5ing Chess, But I Don't Remember What For.
And The Barman Was Hitting On Me.
He Had A Misfits Shirt.
I Think Later In The Night I Actually Said 'Man, The Misfits Have Some Hits.'
Which They Don't, Really.
Not Post-Danzig.
Not At All.
Danzig, For Me, WAS The Misfits.
Then Sunday I Slept Pretty Much All Day.
Sometimes I Wish I Could Do That Every Day, My Life In My Dreams Is So Much More Realistic In It's Dealing Out Of Fair Shares.
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*We're Awesome.
I Found A Treasure Chest (Read 'Website') Of Smiths B-Sides About A Week Ago.
All The Stuff With Sandie Shaw And This Absolute Tune Called 'Jeane.'
I'd Load It Up But I've Decided None Of You Have My Love Of Music.
Nobody Ever Talks To Me About Music Any More, In The Immortal Words Of Fred Durst:
'It's All About The 'He Says She Says' Bullshit.'
And I Know, I Know, We're Teenagers, Love Starved Teenagers Like The Ones Off Of The Telly, But It's All Temporary, These People We Ache Over Will Be Little More Than A Second's Worth Of A Hovered Mouse On 'Friends Reunited' In Ten Year's Time When Nostalgia Sets In, Oh What A Terrible Thing...
BUT YEAH, MORE MUSIC TALK.
To Be Honest I Only Crave It Because I Have Brilliant Iggy Pop Related Anecdotes...
The Last Week Or So Has Been Alright.
Today I Had Band Practice*, Watched 'Control' For The Fifth Time In A Month And Went For A Walk Listening To 'Closer', Almost Entirely Sure I Was 2008's Answer To Ian Curtis.
Thursday Night Was A Bit Of Fun, I Got Hit On In The Queue To Jaxx (I Know, I Know, It's A Terrible Place, I Should Be At The Hacienda Or Something).
This Was Probably Down To My Wildly Apologetic Nature - People Pushed And Pushed And I Probably Touched More Than A Few Breasts.
A Masculine Man Would've Gone 'WAAAYYYY' Or Something, But I Apologised Profusely, Isn't It An Actual Thing That Japanese Businessmen Use The Rush Hour Traffic To Touch Up Women?
And If You Think I've Disgracefully Imagined That, CLICK HERE.
When We Eventually Got In (Partially Down To Me Looking A Bit Like A Gurl, Probably) Me And Billy Had A Dance To T-Pain, And Then We All Just Went And Got Fucked In The Room That Plays Cheesy Music.
Some People Call It 'The Cheese Room'.
I Refuse To, Because It Makes It Sound Like You Regularly Go There, And, Yet Again I REFUSE To Say I'm A Regular At A Place Where People Who Do Cocaine Do Cocaine Because They Think It's Edgy.
If I Did Cocaine It'd Be Edgy, But When Meatheads Come Out Of Cubicles Looking Angry Touching Their Noses, It Just Isn't.
So Yeah We Just Got Wasted Listening To The Nolan Sisters And Brutally Dancing.
And This Time I Mean ACTUALLY Brutally, I Got Headbutted Like Nine Times.
Then I Walked Home From The Plough And Horses Again, I Like That Walk A Lot, It Takes Like Forty Minutes And You Can Hear The Birds Waking Up Because Their Body Clocks Have Been Fucked By Pollution.
If There Was Ever A Rage Against The Machine Lyric, There It Is...
Friday Was A Much More Low Key Deal.
It Was Full Of Things I Proper Didn't Care About.
Nice.
Saturday Was Loads Better.
I Walked Into Town To Get Some Beer (I Had Very Little Money And Was Going Out In The Evening, So Figured I Should Get Pretty Drunk Before I Went).
Then I Came Home, Drank Beer And Watched 'Day Of The Dead.'
It's This Really Old Hilariously Depressing Zombie Movie.
There's A Feel Of Doom Running Throughout, And All The Characters Are Really One Dimensional.
There's The 'Hopeful Scientists', 'The Masculine As Army Men' And 'The 'I Don't Give A Fuck What Happens, While We're In This Bunker I Am Getting Wasted' Wasters.'
And The Army Men Threaten The One Woman With Rape And Violence, And Pretty Much Threaten Everyone Else With Violence.
At The End The Main Target Of Their Bullying Goes Out Of The Bunker And Lets All The Zombies In, As He's About To Die Of Blood Loss.
The Single Punk Rock Moment In The Film Is Where The Army Leader Is Getting Ripped Apart By Zombies, And He's Just Screaming 'CHOKE ON IT, CHOKE ON ITTTTTT!', Talking About His Flesh, Basically.
I Chose To Overlook The Obvious Sexual Connotations There, And Saw It As Absolutely Genius.
Jonny Says That When Faced With A Zombie, He'd Appeal To It's Sexual Drive.
Everyone Knows That Zombies Are Powered By Pure Instinct, And Sex Drive Is, Apparently, A Huge Part Of Your Instincts.
So It'd Probably Work.
I Said That I'd Flash Them.
I Think That My Last Move Must Be Completely Unusual Of Me.
And Also, Because Everybody Is So Appalled By The Sight Of Me I Might Not Even Get Eaten.
And I Know Exactly What You're Thinking.
'You've Got Too Much Time On Your Hands Mate.'
And You'd Be Right.
Saturday Night Was Good Stuff Though.
We Went Out For Chess' Birthday To A Bar In Reading.
The Maccabees Were DJing But We Didn't See Them, The Last Train Was Quite Early And I Hadn't Nicked Enough Money Off Of My Mum For A Taxi.
Instead We Drank A Lot Of Wine And Had Some Chats.
I Kicked A Glass Over In A Rage At Harriet.
I Then Immediately Felt Terrible, And Picked Up All The Glass.
I Only Cut The Backs Of My Hands, Which Is Good....?
Truth Be Told, I Was Pretty Much Trashed.
I Kept Hi5ing Chess, But I Don't Remember What For.
And The Barman Was Hitting On Me.
He Had A Misfits Shirt.
I Think Later In The Night I Actually Said 'Man, The Misfits Have Some Hits.'
Which They Don't, Really.
Not Post-Danzig.
Not At All.
Danzig, For Me, WAS The Misfits.
Then Sunday I Slept Pretty Much All Day.
Sometimes I Wish I Could Do That Every Day, My Life In My Dreams Is So Much More Realistic In It's Dealing Out Of Fair Shares.
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*We're Awesome.
Tuesday 18 March 2008
THERE IS JUST ONE THING REALLY BUGGING ME.
How Do They Make Pringles From Rice?
To Me It Seems Impossible - Rice Into A Crisp?
Explain It To Me, Because Rice Always Seems Very Against Changing Form.
It's One Of Many Reasons I've Never Actually Eaten Rice.
At Least, Not In Its Non-Pringle Form.
So, Answers On A Postcard, Because I Am Stumped.
Today's Song Is An Absolute Corker, And Its The First Smiths Song I Feel I Can Post On Here, Because It's Only Partially A Smiths Song.
It's The Sandie Shaw Version Of 'Hand In Glove' - It's Basically The Smiths Without Morrissey.
I Saw The Top Of The Pops Performance Of It And Was Just In Awe, Johnny Marr Always Looks Kool But In That Performance He Really Shines, YouTube It.
I Would Put The Video Here But I Want You To Hear The Song More Than Anything.
The Smiths (Ft. Sandie Shaw) - Hand In Glove
This Past Week Has Been Well Strange.
Thursday I Think I Went To Fleet, Which Was Hilarious.
As Always Murtha Said I Wouldn't Get Into Jaxx Because Of How I Was Dressed.
I Looked Bloody Marvellous - Purple Cardigan Done Up To Perfection, Grey T-Shirt, CLEAN SHOES.
I Just Very Rarely Wear Shirts.
I Tried My One Shirt On Today And Looked Almost Too Respectable.
But Sort Of, 'I Produced Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man's EP, Let's Have A Chat' Respectable, If You Know What I Mean.
BUT ANYWAY YEAH I GOT TRASHED.
I Remember Dancing In A Way That I Class As Sort Of 'Two-Step Metal', But Others Described As 'Gettin' Low, In The Lil Jon Sense.'
Whenever I Dance It Is Ironic.
But Irony And Sarcasm Are Lost On Men With Fully Developed Shoulders And Polo Shirts.
I Spent All My Money, And I Mean All My Money, On Vodka And Cokes.
I Looked Like A Superstar I'm Sure, Sitting At The Bar, Performing 'The Wink And The Gun' At Strangers.
No, It's Not Sexual, It Is This:
And I'm Not Going To Lie, I Looked Almost Exactly Like Will Smith In That Picture.
People Loved It.
My Skool Friend Mitch, Who I Haven't Seen In Years, Got An Eyeful Of My Wink And Gun.
He Bloody Loved It.
The Three Or Four Women He Was With Did Not.
Then In The Taxi On The Way Home The Driver Was A Bellend About Driving Us Home (To Be Fair I Hate My Responsibilities Too, And By That I Mean 'Waking Up And Going To College') So We All Muttered Different Insults Under Our Breath.
I Got Out On The Wrong Side Of Farnborough, Because I Wanted To Walk Home From Fleet And Thought That Would Do.
It Was Freezing, But I Also Didn't Have Enough Money To Go Any Further And I Hate To Be A Bother.
TO BE HONEST, I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT WEEK THIS WAS, BUT I HAVEN'T CHRONICLED IT YET SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN LAST THURSDAY, AND IF IT WAS THIS HAS GONE EVER SO SLOWLY.
OH NO WAIT IT WAS THE THURSDAY BEFORE, COS REN WAS THERE AND LAST WEEK SHE WAS IN ICELAND.
OKAY GOOD, I'M GLAD THAT'S SORTED OUT.
THIS Weekend Was Really Odd.
Friday We Went To A Pub In Farnham, I Didn't Much Like It There, It Was Very Dingy And Full Of Old People.
Two Actual Punks Were Stood Behind Me And Jonny At The Bar, And I Heard What They Were Saying To Each Other.
It Was Something Like 'Look At These Young People, Look At His Shoes!'.
I Immediately Turned Round And Went 'Cheers' And Looked One Of Them In The Eye.
I Then Realised That Punks Aren't Actually Afraid Of Confrontation.
They LOVE It, In Fact.
Luckily Jonny Had Got His Drink At That Second, And Grabbed Me By The Shoulder And Said 'Come On My Luvverrrr.'
They Looked Pissed That We'd Implied A Capability Of Homosexuality Of Ourselves.
Clearly Nazi Punks, Then...
Some Gurl From My New Psychology Class Was There, And Because I'm Yet To Know Anyone In My Psychology Class I Kind Of Didn't Believe She Knew Who I Was, Because I Didn't Know Who She Was At All.
She Stroked My Face Which Was Really Weird, I Don't Stroke The Faces Of People I Know Well, Let Alone Strangers.
I Was Definitely Freaked Out.
But Then There Was A Dwarf.
I Told My Mum I Saw A Midget And She Was Like 'Do You Mean Midget Or Dwarf? Because A Midget Is Just A Really Small Person, And A Dwarf Is Noticeably Different.'
But This Was A Dwarf.
I Kept Drunkenly Making The Joke Where You Go 'Oh Guys Look, There's The Midget Again' And Just Pointing At People Of Average Height.
I Found It Absolutely Hilarious.
I Was Alone In This Feeling.
Then Saturday We Got Told There Was A Warehouse Party In Woking.
We All Drove To Woking.
There Was No Warehouse Party.
There Were About Two Hundred Scene Kids Stood Outside A Warehouse, Oh Yeah, There Was That, But Everyone Was Too Afraid To Go In To The Warehouse.
Apparently One Of The Kids Who Didn't Like Us Because We Wore Cardigans And Didn't Like Bands With Names Like 'Open The Skies' And 'XEDGEXFORXLIFEX' Rang The Police On His Own Party.
Hilarious.
So We Just Had Some Macdonald's And Drove Home.
The Drive Was Fun Though.
There Was A Man In A Bush On A Road With No Lights.
Was Well Odd.
However, When I Got In I Had A Really Good Evening.
I Watched '100 Greatest Stand Ups' And Talked To Chess And Lucy For About Three Hours, Which Concluded With A Phone Call.
I Don't Even Think They Were Drunk, Which Actually Makes It Better In My Eyes, They Were Really Funny And Asked Me Some Really Odd Questions.
Was Good Stuff Though.
And Yesterday I Bonded With My Psychology Class By Laughing At My Teacher's Exposed Underwear.
Enough Said.
DOWNLOAD THAT SONG.
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To Me It Seems Impossible - Rice Into A Crisp?
Explain It To Me, Because Rice Always Seems Very Against Changing Form.
It's One Of Many Reasons I've Never Actually Eaten Rice.
At Least, Not In Its Non-Pringle Form.
So, Answers On A Postcard, Because I Am Stumped.
Today's Song Is An Absolute Corker, And Its The First Smiths Song I Feel I Can Post On Here, Because It's Only Partially A Smiths Song.
It's The Sandie Shaw Version Of 'Hand In Glove' - It's Basically The Smiths Without Morrissey.
I Saw The Top Of The Pops Performance Of It And Was Just In Awe, Johnny Marr Always Looks Kool But In That Performance He Really Shines, YouTube It.
I Would Put The Video Here But I Want You To Hear The Song More Than Anything.
The Smiths (Ft. Sandie Shaw) - Hand In Glove
This Past Week Has Been Well Strange.
Thursday I Think I Went To Fleet, Which Was Hilarious.
As Always Murtha Said I Wouldn't Get Into Jaxx Because Of How I Was Dressed.
I Looked Bloody Marvellous - Purple Cardigan Done Up To Perfection, Grey T-Shirt, CLEAN SHOES.
I Just Very Rarely Wear Shirts.
I Tried My One Shirt On Today And Looked Almost Too Respectable.
But Sort Of, 'I Produced Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man's EP, Let's Have A Chat' Respectable, If You Know What I Mean.
BUT ANYWAY YEAH I GOT TRASHED.
I Remember Dancing In A Way That I Class As Sort Of 'Two-Step Metal', But Others Described As 'Gettin' Low, In The Lil Jon Sense.'
Whenever I Dance It Is Ironic.
But Irony And Sarcasm Are Lost On Men With Fully Developed Shoulders And Polo Shirts.
I Spent All My Money, And I Mean All My Money, On Vodka And Cokes.
I Looked Like A Superstar I'm Sure, Sitting At The Bar, Performing 'The Wink And The Gun' At Strangers.
No, It's Not Sexual, It Is This:
And I'm Not Going To Lie, I Looked Almost Exactly Like Will Smith In That Picture.
People Loved It.
My Skool Friend Mitch, Who I Haven't Seen In Years, Got An Eyeful Of My Wink And Gun.
He Bloody Loved It.
The Three Or Four Women He Was With Did Not.
Then In The Taxi On The Way Home The Driver Was A Bellend About Driving Us Home (To Be Fair I Hate My Responsibilities Too, And By That I Mean 'Waking Up And Going To College') So We All Muttered Different Insults Under Our Breath.
I Got Out On The Wrong Side Of Farnborough, Because I Wanted To Walk Home From Fleet And Thought That Would Do.
It Was Freezing, But I Also Didn't Have Enough Money To Go Any Further And I Hate To Be A Bother.
TO BE HONEST, I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT WEEK THIS WAS, BUT I HAVEN'T CHRONICLED IT YET SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN LAST THURSDAY, AND IF IT WAS THIS HAS GONE EVER SO SLOWLY.
OH NO WAIT IT WAS THE THURSDAY BEFORE, COS REN WAS THERE AND LAST WEEK SHE WAS IN ICELAND.
OKAY GOOD, I'M GLAD THAT'S SORTED OUT.
THIS Weekend Was Really Odd.
Friday We Went To A Pub In Farnham, I Didn't Much Like It There, It Was Very Dingy And Full Of Old People.
Two Actual Punks Were Stood Behind Me And Jonny At The Bar, And I Heard What They Were Saying To Each Other.
It Was Something Like 'Look At These Young People, Look At His Shoes!'.
I Immediately Turned Round And Went 'Cheers' And Looked One Of Them In The Eye.
I Then Realised That Punks Aren't Actually Afraid Of Confrontation.
They LOVE It, In Fact.
Luckily Jonny Had Got His Drink At That Second, And Grabbed Me By The Shoulder And Said 'Come On My Luvverrrr.'
They Looked Pissed That We'd Implied A Capability Of Homosexuality Of Ourselves.
Clearly Nazi Punks, Then...
Some Gurl From My New Psychology Class Was There, And Because I'm Yet To Know Anyone In My Psychology Class I Kind Of Didn't Believe She Knew Who I Was, Because I Didn't Know Who She Was At All.
She Stroked My Face Which Was Really Weird, I Don't Stroke The Faces Of People I Know Well, Let Alone Strangers.
I Was Definitely Freaked Out.
But Then There Was A Dwarf.
I Told My Mum I Saw A Midget And She Was Like 'Do You Mean Midget Or Dwarf? Because A Midget Is Just A Really Small Person, And A Dwarf Is Noticeably Different.'
But This Was A Dwarf.
I Kept Drunkenly Making The Joke Where You Go 'Oh Guys Look, There's The Midget Again' And Just Pointing At People Of Average Height.
I Found It Absolutely Hilarious.
I Was Alone In This Feeling.
Then Saturday We Got Told There Was A Warehouse Party In Woking.
We All Drove To Woking.
There Was No Warehouse Party.
There Were About Two Hundred Scene Kids Stood Outside A Warehouse, Oh Yeah, There Was That, But Everyone Was Too Afraid To Go In To The Warehouse.
Apparently One Of The Kids Who Didn't Like Us Because We Wore Cardigans And Didn't Like Bands With Names Like 'Open The Skies' And 'XEDGEXFORXLIFEX' Rang The Police On His Own Party.
Hilarious.
So We Just Had Some Macdonald's And Drove Home.
The Drive Was Fun Though.
There Was A Man In A Bush On A Road With No Lights.
Was Well Odd.
However, When I Got In I Had A Really Good Evening.
I Watched '100 Greatest Stand Ups' And Talked To Chess And Lucy For About Three Hours, Which Concluded With A Phone Call.
I Don't Even Think They Were Drunk, Which Actually Makes It Better In My Eyes, They Were Really Funny And Asked Me Some Really Odd Questions.
Was Good Stuff Though.
And Yesterday I Bonded With My Psychology Class By Laughing At My Teacher's Exposed Underwear.
Enough Said.
DOWNLOAD THAT SONG.
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Wednesday 12 March 2008
I KNOW EVERYTHING CHANGES, ALL THE CITIES AND FACES.
Believe It Or Not, And I'm Very Happy To Say, That Is In Fact A Sugababes Lyric.
Rob Introduced To Me How Kajungah The Song 'About You Now' Is.
Girls Aloud Are More Consistently Good, No Doubt, But Sugababes Have Some Gems.
It's A Shame They'll Never Break America Really...
Oh And Today's Download Is A Surprise, But A Worthy Surprise.
If You Click The Link You'll See What It Is Anyway.
I Find This Song Absolutely Hilarious Yet The Sentiment Is Bang On.
SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE-ISE-ISE
This Past Week Has Had A Few Moments Of Wonder Actually.
Friday Night I Went To See Kid Harpoon, The Support Was Arthur And Helsinki (Otherwise Known As That Guy Out Of Babyshambles' Solo Project) Who Were Both Pretty Good.
Kid Harpoon However Were Really Really Good, Which I Hadn't Expected To Be Honest, My Prior Knowledge Of Them Was Two Kind Of Shit Acoustic Recordings From SXSW A Few Years Ago.
But They Were Really Good - Ren Said She Looked Over At Me A Few Times And I Was Just Smiling My Face Off, Which Is Rare At Any Point.
Me And Tom Were Drinking Corona All Night, I Felt Like Such A Businessman With A Bottle Of Beer With A Lime In It.
'Masculine But Edgy', Right?
I Think I Actually Transferred Back To The Vodka And Cokes After A Few Of Them - You Know How I Do.
The Rest Of The Weekend Was Kind Of Average, I Watched Loads Of Football, Which Was Evened Out By The 'Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me, Going Down The Garden To Eat Worms' Kurt Cobain Mentality I Fell Asleep Under.
Monday Was An Altogether Different Kettle Of Fish.
In Music Tech, Our Teacher Showed Us This Song By OINGO BOINGO.
Oingo Boingo Is The Genius That Is Danny Elfman's Electro Band.
They're A Total Devo Rip Off, Which Was Kind of Disappointing As I Love Danny Elfman's Other Music.
However, This Song And Its Video Make Him More Punk Rock To Me Than I Had Ever Imagined He Could Be.
How Disgraceful Is That?!
He's The Ginger Lead Singer By The Way.
Then I Had To Record My Vocals For My Sting Cover.
It Sounds A Bit Like It Was Made By The Mentally Ill All Slowed Down From Electro Shock Therapy As A 'Project' To Keep Them Off Of The Streets. In Victorian Times.
In Other Words It Is Terrible, And I Never Even Liked 'Every Breath You Take' - To Me Sting Is A Joke.
So I Got This Guy To Sing Over It And He's Got This Really Emo Voice, It Sounds So Messed Up But In A Wicked Way.
Then Harriet, Soph And Jess Came Round For Tea Which Was Alright, Harriet Ate A Bit Of Chocolate I'd Had Fully In My Mouth And Then Spat It In My Drink, I Think I've Got The Clap At The Very Least, Things Haven't Been The Same Since.
We Just Watched Music Videos Really.
And I Had A Driving Lesson That Was SHIT, I Stalled For The First Time And I Wasn't Allowed To Drive Home Because I Was So Appalling.
Tuesday Was A Waste, Nothing Of Merit Happened At All At All At All, That I Can Remember.
I Beat The Big Show As Ray Gunn (Was It Ray Gunn Or Billy Gunn? I Know One Is A Wrestler And One Is A Porn Star) On Becca's Wrestlemania Gameboy Game - Becca Was Amazed, It Means She Can't Come On Lad's Night And That She Is In Fact A Big Gurl.
Then Today I Had My First Lesson In My New Psychology Class.
It Is Rad, We Watched A Video On Jack The Ripper (I Knew Too Much And Had To Cover Up With Ignorance, I'm Sure Knowing Ridiculous Amounts About Victorian Murderers Does Not Give Off A Good First Impression) And My Teacher Is Really Nice, Even If We Do Work In Complete Silence.
They Have A Running Joke That They're All Boning Her - Classic.
I Almost Joined In, But Felt That It Was Too Soon.
It Was Funny, I Got My Folder Out And Chinese Whispers Ensued - 'He's Got A Pink Folder, He's Got A Pink Folder, He's Got A Pink Folder, You've Got A Pink Folder?'
'Oh This Old Thang?'
They Loved It.
I'll Keep You Updated With Who Joke Shags Her And Whatnot...
Then Tutorial Was Excellent, My Tutor Is So Rad.
I've Recently Been Asking Myself How I Should Thank Him At The End Of The Year (He's Done More For Me This Year Than Most Of My Parents Have) And I Cannot Think Of A Straight And Adequate Way To Thank Him.
Beer - Sports Teacher.
Chocolates - Mono Et Mono.
Flowers - I've Never Bought Anybody Flowers And When I Do You Can Bet I'll Be Twenty Five And On The Seventy Second Blind Date Of Desperation.
I'd Love To Have An Excuse To Buy Someone Flowers Other Than 'It'll Be Well Funny.'
I Wish I Had An Excuse For Most Things That Wasn't 'It'll Be Well Funny' Really....
THEN I Came Home, Jonny And Rob Turned Up With Beer And We Drank And Watched Music Videos.
Rob Then Left, And Me And Jonny Thought It'd Be Hilarious To Watch Literally Tens Of Michael Jackson Videos (Including The Fourteen Minute Long Video For 'Thriller' And 'Earth Song').
It Really Was Hilarious.
But I Realised That Until Around The Release Of 'Bad', Michael Jackson Could Literally Do No Wrong.
Then....Well We've All Heard 'Earth Song.'
'What About BABY BOYSSSSSS' Is An Actual Lyric.
After That I Had Band Practice.
Which Was Amazing.
I'm Still Getting Used To Jonesy Being Really, Really Complimentary.
But I Guess He Is Only Human And We ARE Quit Kazuki...
We Recorded All Of Our New Songs For Him And He's Doing The Lyrics As We Speak.
Our EP Will Be A Concept EP, But I Can't Possibly Give You Any More Details.
We're Playing In May With Cables, Wow! Pigeon Eyes And Saxon Sunday Who Are All Total Babes And Excellent Musicians, If You Don't Come You'll Miss All The Hot Action.
Until Next Time Four Interesting Things Happen To Me, Many Happy Returns.
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Rob Introduced To Me How Kajungah The Song 'About You Now' Is.
Girls Aloud Are More Consistently Good, No Doubt, But Sugababes Have Some Gems.
It's A Shame They'll Never Break America Really...
Oh And Today's Download Is A Surprise, But A Worthy Surprise.
If You Click The Link You'll See What It Is Anyway.
I Find This Song Absolutely Hilarious Yet The Sentiment Is Bang On.
SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE-ISE-ISE
This Past Week Has Had A Few Moments Of Wonder Actually.
Friday Night I Went To See Kid Harpoon, The Support Was Arthur And Helsinki (Otherwise Known As That Guy Out Of Babyshambles' Solo Project) Who Were Both Pretty Good.
Kid Harpoon However Were Really Really Good, Which I Hadn't Expected To Be Honest, My Prior Knowledge Of Them Was Two Kind Of Shit Acoustic Recordings From SXSW A Few Years Ago.
But They Were Really Good - Ren Said She Looked Over At Me A Few Times And I Was Just Smiling My Face Off, Which Is Rare At Any Point.
Me And Tom Were Drinking Corona All Night, I Felt Like Such A Businessman With A Bottle Of Beer With A Lime In It.
'Masculine But Edgy', Right?
I Think I Actually Transferred Back To The Vodka And Cokes After A Few Of Them - You Know How I Do.
The Rest Of The Weekend Was Kind Of Average, I Watched Loads Of Football, Which Was Evened Out By The 'Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me, Going Down The Garden To Eat Worms' Kurt Cobain Mentality I Fell Asleep Under.
Monday Was An Altogether Different Kettle Of Fish.
In Music Tech, Our Teacher Showed Us This Song By OINGO BOINGO.
Oingo Boingo Is The Genius That Is Danny Elfman's Electro Band.
They're A Total Devo Rip Off, Which Was Kind of Disappointing As I Love Danny Elfman's Other Music.
However, This Song And Its Video Make Him More Punk Rock To Me Than I Had Ever Imagined He Could Be.
How Disgraceful Is That?!
He's The Ginger Lead Singer By The Way.
Then I Had To Record My Vocals For My Sting Cover.
It Sounds A Bit Like It Was Made By The Mentally Ill All Slowed Down From Electro Shock Therapy As A 'Project' To Keep Them Off Of The Streets. In Victorian Times.
In Other Words It Is Terrible, And I Never Even Liked 'Every Breath You Take' - To Me Sting Is A Joke.
So I Got This Guy To Sing Over It And He's Got This Really Emo Voice, It Sounds So Messed Up But In A Wicked Way.
Then Harriet, Soph And Jess Came Round For Tea Which Was Alright, Harriet Ate A Bit Of Chocolate I'd Had Fully In My Mouth And Then Spat It In My Drink, I Think I've Got The Clap At The Very Least, Things Haven't Been The Same Since.
We Just Watched Music Videos Really.
And I Had A Driving Lesson That Was SHIT, I Stalled For The First Time And I Wasn't Allowed To Drive Home Because I Was So Appalling.
Tuesday Was A Waste, Nothing Of Merit Happened At All At All At All, That I Can Remember.
I Beat The Big Show As Ray Gunn (Was It Ray Gunn Or Billy Gunn? I Know One Is A Wrestler And One Is A Porn Star) On Becca's Wrestlemania Gameboy Game - Becca Was Amazed, It Means She Can't Come On Lad's Night And That She Is In Fact A Big Gurl.
Then Today I Had My First Lesson In My New Psychology Class.
It Is Rad, We Watched A Video On Jack The Ripper (I Knew Too Much And Had To Cover Up With Ignorance, I'm Sure Knowing Ridiculous Amounts About Victorian Murderers Does Not Give Off A Good First Impression) And My Teacher Is Really Nice, Even If We Do Work In Complete Silence.
They Have A Running Joke That They're All Boning Her - Classic.
I Almost Joined In, But Felt That It Was Too Soon.
It Was Funny, I Got My Folder Out And Chinese Whispers Ensued - 'He's Got A Pink Folder, He's Got A Pink Folder, He's Got A Pink Folder, You've Got A Pink Folder?'
'Oh This Old Thang?'
They Loved It.
I'll Keep You Updated With Who Joke Shags Her And Whatnot...
Then Tutorial Was Excellent, My Tutor Is So Rad.
I've Recently Been Asking Myself How I Should Thank Him At The End Of The Year (He's Done More For Me This Year Than Most Of My Parents Have) And I Cannot Think Of A Straight And Adequate Way To Thank Him.
Beer - Sports Teacher.
Chocolates - Mono Et Mono.
Flowers - I've Never Bought Anybody Flowers And When I Do You Can Bet I'll Be Twenty Five And On The Seventy Second Blind Date Of Desperation.
I'd Love To Have An Excuse To Buy Someone Flowers Other Than 'It'll Be Well Funny.'
I Wish I Had An Excuse For Most Things That Wasn't 'It'll Be Well Funny' Really....
THEN I Came Home, Jonny And Rob Turned Up With Beer And We Drank And Watched Music Videos.
Rob Then Left, And Me And Jonny Thought It'd Be Hilarious To Watch Literally Tens Of Michael Jackson Videos (Including The Fourteen Minute Long Video For 'Thriller' And 'Earth Song').
It Really Was Hilarious.
But I Realised That Until Around The Release Of 'Bad', Michael Jackson Could Literally Do No Wrong.
Then....Well We've All Heard 'Earth Song.'
'What About BABY BOYSSSSSS' Is An Actual Lyric.
After That I Had Band Practice.
Which Was Amazing.
I'm Still Getting Used To Jonesy Being Really, Really Complimentary.
But I Guess He Is Only Human And We ARE Quit Kazuki...
We Recorded All Of Our New Songs For Him And He's Doing The Lyrics As We Speak.
Our EP Will Be A Concept EP, But I Can't Possibly Give You Any More Details.
We're Playing In May With Cables, Wow! Pigeon Eyes And Saxon Sunday Who Are All Total Babes And Excellent Musicians, If You Don't Come You'll Miss All The Hot Action.
Until Next Time Four Interesting Things Happen To Me, Many Happy Returns.
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Wednesday 5 March 2008
SUDDENLY I STOP, AND I KNOW IT'S TOO LATE.
Today I'm Only Going To Put One Song Up, Because This One Took Twenty Minutes To Upload.
It's The Album Version Of 'A Forest' By The Cure, From 'Seventeen Seconds.'
It's Really Amazing, The Intro Somehow Sets It Up To Be Better Than The Single Version, It Really Affects It.
The Cure - A Forest
So Have A Listen To That.
I AM VERY MUCH SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN MORE THAN A WEEK.
Maybe Even Two.
That Is Terrible Of Me, I'm Ashamed, I've Scalded Myself For It On More Than One Occasion.
And I Actually Mean 'Scald', Which Is Rather A 1930s Practice, Meaning 'To Burn With Boiling Liquid Or Hot Steam.'
Captain Beefheart Would Be Proud Of My Methods, Rumour Has It That During The Recording Of 'Trout Mask Replica' He Literally Beat His Band If They Hit A Wrong Note.
Such A Genius...
I've Been Having All Sorts Of Odd Dreams.
Last Night I Dreamt That Me And Some Friends - By Which I Mean 'Dream Friends', Not Actual Friends That I Know - Were At A Train Station, And One Of Them Liked The Same Gurl As Me, And Kept Talking To Me In About Her In A Competitive Way.
I Walked Off And He Had Literally Cut My Arm Off.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.
Unless It Means That Subconsciously I Am So Ridiculously Confident In Myself That The Only Way I Think I Can Be Beaten Is If I Were To Lose A Limb Or Two.
But I Very Much Doubt That, Sometimes I Am So Pessimistic I Refuse To Believe I Even Deserve Limbs.
And For Some Reason It Made Me Think Of When I First Got Contact Lenses.
They Didn't Work, Cos My Eyes Are Weirdly Shaped - I Think I Did That Thing Where You Push Your Eyelids Really Hard Into Your Eyes To Create A Game Where You're Falling Through Multi-Coloured Squares Too Much As A Child, If You've No Idea What I Mean By That PUSH YOUR EYELIDS INTO YOUR EYES REALLY HARD - But I Could See Enough To Get By.
And It Made Me Think About How Much Nicer The World Is When You Don't Know How Ugly People You're Talking To Are.
And Then I Thought 'Hmm, Well If My Eyes Are Like This Forever, My Confidence Will Shoot Right Up, As I Will Naturally Assume That Everyone Is Ugly.'
And, Continuing With This Stream Of Consciousness, I Thought About That Gandhi Quote:
'An Eye For An Eye Makes The Whole World Blind.'
Which Led Me To Think Of The Positive Implications Of Such A Proverb.
If Everyone WAS Blind, The World Would Be A Much Friendlier Place I Reckon.
Of Course, You Couldn't Enjoy Art Or Photography Or Film Or Whatever, But You'd Still Have Music, And Literature Would Exist Only In Audiobook Form.
AND AFTER ALL OF THIS DEEP THOUGHT, I WENT TO THE OPTICIAN'S AND THE PROBLEM WAS CORRECTED.
And Everyone's Still Ugly.
Hahaha.
As You Can Tell From That Anecdote, Not Much Has Actually Happened This Week At All.
Friday Night Was A Really Good Night, Jonny Drove Us To The West End Centre In Aldershot ('The Westy' Is So 'I'm Fourteen And Have A Local' I Feel, I Doubt People In Brixton Call Brixton Academy 'The Academy', And If They Do They've No Idea What 'Academy' Means) To See Wow! Pigeon Eyes Support Pneu.
Wow! Pigeon Eyes Were Really Good, Their New Stuff Is Excellent.
Then The Room Changed And Three Bands Played A Track Each In A Jools Holland Style.
We, Being The Clever Bunch We Are, Decided We Go In For Every Third Song So That We Only Saw Shield Your Eyes.
We Soon Lost Track Of How Many Songs Had Been Played And Just Didn't Go In For Ages.
I Think I Saw Two Shield Your Eyes Tracks, Then Got Lost In Drinking And Talking To Various People About Things I'm Struggling To Remember.
It Was A Really Good Night Though.
I Had Some Good Chatz.
I Only Went Back In To See Pneu's Last Song, And I'm Kind Of Gutted I Didn't See More Of Them, They Were Insane.
The Guitarist Was Looping Everything He Played, And The Drummer Was So Fast It Just Didn't Make Sense How He'd Become So Aware Of Timing.
But Yeah A Really Good Night.
This Week Has Been Kind Of Appalling, I Keep Bumping Into Or Being Forced To Converse With People I Either Don't Want To Look Appalling In Front Of Or Do Not Have The Time For.
I Used To Embrace The Act Of Talking To People I Really Dislike, But In Recent Times My Love Of Such Activities Has Waned, And I See It For What It Is.
And Obviously Nobody Likes Looking Appalling In Front Of People They Only Want To Look Good In Front Of, If They Did They'd Do It All The Time, On Purpose.
So Give Me A Call Or Something, I Really Would Like A Phone Call Every Now And Then, I Think People Don't Care Enough About Other People So Let's Do Something About It And Ask Each Other How We Are And What We've Been Up To And Where We Got Our Clothes From, Yeah?
Oh And Go Download The New Charlatans' Album, It's Really Good And Free On The XFM Website.
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It's The Album Version Of 'A Forest' By The Cure, From 'Seventeen Seconds.'
It's Really Amazing, The Intro Somehow Sets It Up To Be Better Than The Single Version, It Really Affects It.
The Cure - A Forest
So Have A Listen To That.
I AM VERY MUCH SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN MORE THAN A WEEK.
Maybe Even Two.
That Is Terrible Of Me, I'm Ashamed, I've Scalded Myself For It On More Than One Occasion.
And I Actually Mean 'Scald', Which Is Rather A 1930s Practice, Meaning 'To Burn With Boiling Liquid Or Hot Steam.'
Captain Beefheart Would Be Proud Of My Methods, Rumour Has It That During The Recording Of 'Trout Mask Replica' He Literally Beat His Band If They Hit A Wrong Note.
Such A Genius...
I've Been Having All Sorts Of Odd Dreams.
Last Night I Dreamt That Me And Some Friends - By Which I Mean 'Dream Friends', Not Actual Friends That I Know - Were At A Train Station, And One Of Them Liked The Same Gurl As Me, And Kept Talking To Me In About Her In A Competitive Way.
I Walked Off And He Had Literally Cut My Arm Off.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.
Unless It Means That Subconsciously I Am So Ridiculously Confident In Myself That The Only Way I Think I Can Be Beaten Is If I Were To Lose A Limb Or Two.
But I Very Much Doubt That, Sometimes I Am So Pessimistic I Refuse To Believe I Even Deserve Limbs.
And For Some Reason It Made Me Think Of When I First Got Contact Lenses.
They Didn't Work, Cos My Eyes Are Weirdly Shaped - I Think I Did That Thing Where You Push Your Eyelids Really Hard Into Your Eyes To Create A Game Where You're Falling Through Multi-Coloured Squares Too Much As A Child, If You've No Idea What I Mean By That PUSH YOUR EYELIDS INTO YOUR EYES REALLY HARD - But I Could See Enough To Get By.
And It Made Me Think About How Much Nicer The World Is When You Don't Know How Ugly People You're Talking To Are.
And Then I Thought 'Hmm, Well If My Eyes Are Like This Forever, My Confidence Will Shoot Right Up, As I Will Naturally Assume That Everyone Is Ugly.'
And, Continuing With This Stream Of Consciousness, I Thought About That Gandhi Quote:
'An Eye For An Eye Makes The Whole World Blind.'
Which Led Me To Think Of The Positive Implications Of Such A Proverb.
If Everyone WAS Blind, The World Would Be A Much Friendlier Place I Reckon.
Of Course, You Couldn't Enjoy Art Or Photography Or Film Or Whatever, But You'd Still Have Music, And Literature Would Exist Only In Audiobook Form.
AND AFTER ALL OF THIS DEEP THOUGHT, I WENT TO THE OPTICIAN'S AND THE PROBLEM WAS CORRECTED.
And Everyone's Still Ugly.
Hahaha.
As You Can Tell From That Anecdote, Not Much Has Actually Happened This Week At All.
Friday Night Was A Really Good Night, Jonny Drove Us To The West End Centre In Aldershot ('The Westy' Is So 'I'm Fourteen And Have A Local' I Feel, I Doubt People In Brixton Call Brixton Academy 'The Academy', And If They Do They've No Idea What 'Academy' Means) To See Wow! Pigeon Eyes Support Pneu.
Wow! Pigeon Eyes Were Really Good, Their New Stuff Is Excellent.
Then The Room Changed And Three Bands Played A Track Each In A Jools Holland Style.
We, Being The Clever Bunch We Are, Decided We Go In For Every Third Song So That We Only Saw Shield Your Eyes.
We Soon Lost Track Of How Many Songs Had Been Played And Just Didn't Go In For Ages.
I Think I Saw Two Shield Your Eyes Tracks, Then Got Lost In Drinking And Talking To Various People About Things I'm Struggling To Remember.
It Was A Really Good Night Though.
I Had Some Good Chatz.
I Only Went Back In To See Pneu's Last Song, And I'm Kind Of Gutted I Didn't See More Of Them, They Were Insane.
The Guitarist Was Looping Everything He Played, And The Drummer Was So Fast It Just Didn't Make Sense How He'd Become So Aware Of Timing.
But Yeah A Really Good Night.
This Week Has Been Kind Of Appalling, I Keep Bumping Into Or Being Forced To Converse With People I Either Don't Want To Look Appalling In Front Of Or Do Not Have The Time For.
I Used To Embrace The Act Of Talking To People I Really Dislike, But In Recent Times My Love Of Such Activities Has Waned, And I See It For What It Is.
And Obviously Nobody Likes Looking Appalling In Front Of People They Only Want To Look Good In Front Of, If They Did They'd Do It All The Time, On Purpose.
So Give Me A Call Or Something, I Really Would Like A Phone Call Every Now And Then, I Think People Don't Care Enough About Other People So Let's Do Something About It And Ask Each Other How We Are And What We've Been Up To And Where We Got Our Clothes From, Yeah?
Oh And Go Download The New Charlatans' Album, It's Really Good And Free On The XFM Website.
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Thursday 21 February 2008
I SEE PEOPLE TURN THEIR HEADS AND QUICKLY LOOK AWAY.
The TWO Songs I've Decided To Give You Today Are Both By Women But In Very Different Ways.
The First Is A Live Version Of 'Summer In The City' By Regina Spektor, Who I've Been Completely In Love With For At Least A Year Now. This Song Has Lyrics To Match Any Song Ever - It Perfectly Sets Off Really Really Sad With Really Really Funny, Which Is An Enviable Ability.
Listen Out For The Lyric 'And I Did Feel Like Cumming, But I Also Felt Like Crying' In Particular.
Regina Spektor - Summer In The City (Live)
The Second Is 'Bang' From The Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Debut EP.
I'm Knocking Out Rarities Like You Wouldn't Believe Right?
Although You Can Get That EP In Most Decent Independent Music Shops.
This Track Is More Outwardly Offensive Than Regina Spektor's One, The Chorus' Line Is Just 'As A Fuck Son You Suck.'
Apparently When It Was First Released Jo Whiley Played It On Radio 1 Without Realising What Karen O Sings In The Chorus.
John Peel Made Mistakes, But He Was A Character.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Bang
Today's Been A Really Strange Day.
I Woke Up At Like Eleven, But Only Got Out Of Bed At About Half One After Reading Albert Camus' 'The Outsider' For A While.
The Last Line I Read Was 'And It Was Like Giving Four Sharp Knocks At The Door Of Unhappiness.'
It's About A Guy Who Feels No Emotion, Who Then Kills An Arab.
I Think The Cure Wrote 'Killing An Arab' About This Book Actually, Weird That I've Only Just Realised That.
It's Really Interesting Though, I Haven't Decided Yet Just How Pretentious It Is To Read French Mid-20th Century Literature.
So I Woke Up, Sat About For A Bit Doing Nothing At All And Then Wandered Into Town To Open A Bank Account.
I've Never Had A Bank Account, And Feel Far Less Punk Rock For Now Having One.
In The Bank Though, Hilarious Things Happened.
I Sat Down, In A Sort Of, Half-Moon Chair Arrangement Whilst Waiting For My Turn.
The Woman Asked What I Wanted To Do, And Then Said That My Identification Wouldn't Do.
The Old Guy Sat Next To Me Jokingly Said 'Corr, You Want To GIVE Them Money, Not Rob Them!'
I Laughed, And After This Point I Couldn't Put My Headphones Back In As I So Dearly Wished I Could.
'So What Do You Do, Student Are You?'
'Yeah, Yeah.'
'You At The Sixth Form?'
'Yeah.'
'You Local?'
I Choked Down A Laugh. I Knew Farnborough Was The Middle Ages In Disguise, But That Line Summed It Up.
'Yeah, Live Just Down The Road Actually.'
'Nice, Not On That Totlands Estate Do Ya? Fucking Hell....Liberties.'
I Am A Very Anti-Political Person.
I'm So Anti-Politics That I Don't Even Class Myself As An Anarchist Or Nihilist Or Any Of Those Things That Mean You're Anti-Politics. And This Man's Immediate Dive Into A Political Stance Which I Disagreed With Was Very Discomforting.
'So, What Do You Study At College?'
'Psychology...English Language -'
At This Point The Man Interrupted With The Single Most Cliché Question Ever Asked.
'English Language? And, You Don't Pay For That Do You?'
'No, I Don't.'
'And, As A Taxpayer Myself, Why Should I Pay For You To Study English Language?'
At This Point I Must Tell You That My Mood Was Very Much Sour.
The Day Hadn't Been A Good One - I Contemplated Lying In Bed Until It Got Dark Again And Then Just Falling Asleep, Spirits Were Low.
So I Decided That I Was Not Going To Let This Man Get Away With Such Confrontational Ways.
'WELL ONE DAY I AM GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD, AND WHEN I DO I WILL ALLOW YOU TO SAY YOU HAD A PART IN THAT.'
I Did My Sinister Giggle And He Stared For A While.
Then Changed The Subject To Margaret Thatcher.
He Said She Did A Lot Of Good.
I Said I Wasn't Alive But Thought She Was Probably Quite Damaging From What I've Heard.
Then Some Cockney OAP Slut Came In And Started Telling Me I Didn't Know I Was Born.
I Am All Too Aware I Was Born.
I Just Don't Appreciate It Very Much.
Then She Went On About Outdoor Toilets.
I Decided To Just Go All Out Weirdo, Giggling To Myself And Disjointedly Saying 'Some Places Still Don't Even Have Outdoor Toilets, Your Mum Knows How To Make Toffee Does She? I Never Liked Toffee Anyway...'
All Phrases Were Very Much Muttered, I'm An Anti-Confrontation Kind Of Guy Usually.
Then The Guy Was All 'When I Was A Lad Chocolate Was Still Rationed', To Which I Just Outright Said I Didn't Like Chocolate Very Much Anyway.
There's Only So Many Times You Can Laugh In An 'Oh You You're Terrible You Are' Way.
Then They Both Went, The Guy Shook My Hand (?) And The Woman Waved.
Was Well Odd.
My Bank Account Got Sorted Pretty Quick.
I Noticed That There Is An Air Filter Thing At The Back Of The Cash Machine In That NatWest, And Was Wondering How Hard It Could Be To Get In The Air Filter, And Then Just Nick All The Money.
At No Point Did I Contemplate It, But I Definitely Saw How It Was Possible.
Then I Got Out.
I Bought A Bar Of Fruit And Nut Just To Spite That Old Man's Rationed Childhood.
In Response To The Age Old Question 'If You Could Go Back In Time And Meet Someone, Who Would You Meet?' My Answer Has Changed.
I Would Now Go And Meet That Guy, As A Child, With A Fuckload Of Cadbury's And Eat The Fuck Out Of It In His Outdoor Toilet.
Wanker.
Hahahahaha.
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The First Is A Live Version Of 'Summer In The City' By Regina Spektor, Who I've Been Completely In Love With For At Least A Year Now. This Song Has Lyrics To Match Any Song Ever - It Perfectly Sets Off Really Really Sad With Really Really Funny, Which Is An Enviable Ability.
Listen Out For The Lyric 'And I Did Feel Like Cumming, But I Also Felt Like Crying' In Particular.
Regina Spektor - Summer In The City (Live)
The Second Is 'Bang' From The Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Debut EP.
I'm Knocking Out Rarities Like You Wouldn't Believe Right?
Although You Can Get That EP In Most Decent Independent Music Shops.
This Track Is More Outwardly Offensive Than Regina Spektor's One, The Chorus' Line Is Just 'As A Fuck Son You Suck.'
Apparently When It Was First Released Jo Whiley Played It On Radio 1 Without Realising What Karen O Sings In The Chorus.
John Peel Made Mistakes, But He Was A Character.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Bang
Today's Been A Really Strange Day.
I Woke Up At Like Eleven, But Only Got Out Of Bed At About Half One After Reading Albert Camus' 'The Outsider' For A While.
The Last Line I Read Was 'And It Was Like Giving Four Sharp Knocks At The Door Of Unhappiness.'
It's About A Guy Who Feels No Emotion, Who Then Kills An Arab.
I Think The Cure Wrote 'Killing An Arab' About This Book Actually, Weird That I've Only Just Realised That.
It's Really Interesting Though, I Haven't Decided Yet Just How Pretentious It Is To Read French Mid-20th Century Literature.
So I Woke Up, Sat About For A Bit Doing Nothing At All And Then Wandered Into Town To Open A Bank Account.
I've Never Had A Bank Account, And Feel Far Less Punk Rock For Now Having One.
In The Bank Though, Hilarious Things Happened.
I Sat Down, In A Sort Of, Half-Moon Chair Arrangement Whilst Waiting For My Turn.
The Woman Asked What I Wanted To Do, And Then Said That My Identification Wouldn't Do.
The Old Guy Sat Next To Me Jokingly Said 'Corr, You Want To GIVE Them Money, Not Rob Them!'
I Laughed, And After This Point I Couldn't Put My Headphones Back In As I So Dearly Wished I Could.
'So What Do You Do, Student Are You?'
'Yeah, Yeah.'
'You At The Sixth Form?'
'Yeah.'
'You Local?'
I Choked Down A Laugh. I Knew Farnborough Was The Middle Ages In Disguise, But That Line Summed It Up.
'Yeah, Live Just Down The Road Actually.'
'Nice, Not On That Totlands Estate Do Ya? Fucking Hell....Liberties.'
I Am A Very Anti-Political Person.
I'm So Anti-Politics That I Don't Even Class Myself As An Anarchist Or Nihilist Or Any Of Those Things That Mean You're Anti-Politics. And This Man's Immediate Dive Into A Political Stance Which I Disagreed With Was Very Discomforting.
'So, What Do You Study At College?'
'Psychology...English Language -'
At This Point The Man Interrupted With The Single Most Cliché Question Ever Asked.
'English Language? And, You Don't Pay For That Do You?'
'No, I Don't.'
'And, As A Taxpayer Myself, Why Should I Pay For You To Study English Language?'
At This Point I Must Tell You That My Mood Was Very Much Sour.
The Day Hadn't Been A Good One - I Contemplated Lying In Bed Until It Got Dark Again And Then Just Falling Asleep, Spirits Were Low.
So I Decided That I Was Not Going To Let This Man Get Away With Such Confrontational Ways.
'WELL ONE DAY I AM GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD, AND WHEN I DO I WILL ALLOW YOU TO SAY YOU HAD A PART IN THAT.'
I Did My Sinister Giggle And He Stared For A While.
Then Changed The Subject To Margaret Thatcher.
He Said She Did A Lot Of Good.
I Said I Wasn't Alive But Thought She Was Probably Quite Damaging From What I've Heard.
Then Some Cockney OAP Slut Came In And Started Telling Me I Didn't Know I Was Born.
I Am All Too Aware I Was Born.
I Just Don't Appreciate It Very Much.
Then She Went On About Outdoor Toilets.
I Decided To Just Go All Out Weirdo, Giggling To Myself And Disjointedly Saying 'Some Places Still Don't Even Have Outdoor Toilets, Your Mum Knows How To Make Toffee Does She? I Never Liked Toffee Anyway...'
All Phrases Were Very Much Muttered, I'm An Anti-Confrontation Kind Of Guy Usually.
Then The Guy Was All 'When I Was A Lad Chocolate Was Still Rationed', To Which I Just Outright Said I Didn't Like Chocolate Very Much Anyway.
There's Only So Many Times You Can Laugh In An 'Oh You You're Terrible You Are' Way.
Then They Both Went, The Guy Shook My Hand (?) And The Woman Waved.
Was Well Odd.
My Bank Account Got Sorted Pretty Quick.
I Noticed That There Is An Air Filter Thing At The Back Of The Cash Machine In That NatWest, And Was Wondering How Hard It Could Be To Get In The Air Filter, And Then Just Nick All The Money.
At No Point Did I Contemplate It, But I Definitely Saw How It Was Possible.
Then I Got Out.
I Bought A Bar Of Fruit And Nut Just To Spite That Old Man's Rationed Childhood.
In Response To The Age Old Question 'If You Could Go Back In Time And Meet Someone, Who Would You Meet?' My Answer Has Changed.
I Would Now Go And Meet That Guy, As A Child, With A Fuckload Of Cadbury's And Eat The Fuck Out Of It In His Outdoor Toilet.
Wanker.
Hahahahaha.
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Tuesday 19 February 2008
AND NOW I'M JADED, YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK.
I Chose This Song As My First Download Because It's Sort Of Quite A Lot Like Me In The Way It's Constructed.
What Do I Mean By That Exactly I Wonder...
A Bit French On The Outside But Full Of Dirty Words?
Very Repetitive And A Bit Shy In A Foul Mouthed Way?
Too Vague To Fuck?
Nouvelle Vague - Too Drunk To Fuck
Download It And See For Yourself (Click The Link And Follow The Instructions, It's A Zshare Link.)
Yesterday And Today Have Been Completely Fucked Up.
Yesterday I Did Nothing Until The Evening.
Please Somebody Volunteer To Look After Me In The Daytime, You Can Come Round If You Like.
We Can Have Soda And Cake And Pie...
I DIGRESS.
Anyway, Last Night Me, Jonny, NJ And Dylan Went Out Driving.
It Has Been A Dream Of Mine For Many Years To Go To Compton - I Always See The Sign On The Way To/From Guildford On The Hog's Back And Think 'Shit, That'd Be Such A Funny Place To Visit.'
So We Went There With The Intention Of Going To A Pub In Compton.
One Of The Roads In Compton Was LITERALLY Called 'The Street', And Another 'The Avenue' - Like That Roll Deep Song?
I Know My Obscure Top 40 Hitz...
We Came Across A Pub, Not Far Into The VIllage.
It Was Called, Rather Ominously, 'THE HARROW.'
I Was Really Afraid Of Going In - There Was Nobody In There, And We Walked In To Phil Collins.
Anywhere That Plays Phil Collins I Feel Has An Heir Of Doom About It - It Is By Definition Music To Conduct Surgery To.
So We Walked In And The Barman/Owner Started Talking To Us.
'What Can I Get You? You Guys A Band? Let Me Show You Where I Want You To Play, Would You Play Here In The Summer?'
I Was Very Much Freaked Out.
We Just Wanted A Quiet Drink In Compton, We Didn't Want No Trouble In Compton.
The City Of Compton.
He Started Asking Us What We Sounded Like.
He Was Into 'The Hot Chip.'
We Said We Sounded Like That.
Dylan Added 'Yeah That And The Horrors.'
Which Is Probably More Accurate, But Less Mainstream.
Speaking Of Mainstream, He Said My Hair Was Very Mainstream.
He Then Said I Looked Like A Gay Punk.
Which Is ACTUALLY The Look I Have Forever Aimed For.
He Then Asked His Wife If I Looked Gay.
She Hesitated Then Agreed With Him.
Deep Down She Definitely Wants To Bed Me.
Anyway, The Night Progressed And He Was Giving Us Free Drinks And Free Snacks.
He Was Probably A Really Nice Guy.
He Told Us Of Morocco (Where He Was From) And Late Nights With David Bowie's Manager And Ashlee Simpson.
I Asserted My Masculinity By Saying She Was Hot.
He Didn't Believe I Meant It, It Was Clear From His Non-Committal 'Yeah Man...'
After A Few More Drinks And Stories, He Got All These Instruments Out.
He Bullied Dylan And Jonny Into Playing Them.
He Then Wanted Me To Sing.
He Kept Singing About My White Shoes And Mainstream Hair Do.
That's A Good Rhyme, But He Made Sure It Didn't FLow So Elegantly.
He Was Singing For Ten Minutes To A Blues Backing About HP Sauce, Just Staring At Me And Nodding.
It Was Too Comical For Me, And I Had To Use The Bathroom.
He Probably Thought I Was Masturbating Over Him - I WAS Gay And All...
When I Came Out He Was Still Pestering Me To Sing.
He Was All 'Come On Man, You Can Sing About Anything!'
He Continued To Sing About Beer Glasses And Women Leaving Him And Not Getting Laid And Stuff, It Was Really Odd.
NJ Just Sat There Staring At His Beer As If To Say 'We Don't Deserve This.'
He Then Asked Why I Refused To Sing, To Which I Had The Ultimate Comebackkkkkk.
'WELL, ALL MY MUSICAL HEROES ARE PEOPLE WHO SPEND DAYS OR WEEKS ON THEIR LYRICS, LIKE MORRISSEY OR DAVID BOWIE, AND I THINK IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT THAT LYRICS MEAN SOMETHING TO A PERSON.'
No Reply.
I Owned Him.
By This Point, Him, Drunk Dylan And A Very Afraid Jonny Had Been Jamming For Probably Half An Hour.
It Conjured Images Of The 'Where's Your Head At?' Video - Dissatisfied Monkeys Being Forced To Play Instruments Against Their Own Will.
I Wondered If It Was Really A Good Idea To Come To Compton, And If We Were Ever Going To Leave.
I Kept Thinking Of Alan Partridge Moments That Were Synonymous With MOMENTS I WAS HAVING TO LIVE THROUGH, And He Kept Pestering Me To Sing Until Eventually I Stared At My Watch Just Enough For It To Move To A Reasonably Late Hour.
Upon Our Departure Me And Jonny Instinctually Quoted The Alan Partridge Episode In Which Alan Has A Stalker Who Chases Him.
Jonny Said, To The Guy's 'See You Next Sunday!' 'YOU'LL BE BLOODY LUCKY!'
When We Got In The Car I Shouted 'BLOODY....MENTALIST!'
It Was Classic.
Then We Drove Home And A Drunk Dylan Pondered Over Returning There.
I'm Very Much Against It, I'm Not A Gay Punk Performing Monkey...
Today Was A Very Different State Of Affairs.
I Had To Wake Up At 6am For My Bournemouth University Activity Day.
The Drive Up Was Killah, XFM Died Around Fleet So We Had Radio 1.
They Played 'Please Don't Stop The Music' By Rihanna, And All I Could Think Was 'Ben, I Know You're Tired, But DO NOT Let Your Dad Know You're In Love With Rihanna's Album.'
I Was Tapping Away Like Deuce Bigalow To That Hit...
I Got There A Bit Early.
It Would Appear That I Didn't Get The Memo That Said All Applicants Must Refuse To Brush Their Teeth/Eat A Mint/Obtain Friendly Breath - Literally All The Other Applicants I Spoke To Had Disgusting Breath.
After A Two Hour Car Ride That's Hardly What I Needed - A Reason To Vomit, That Is.
I Had To Write An Essay On A Journalist I Find Very Inspirational.
I Wrote About Jon Savage, Although Technically I Could've Written About John Peel, Who Is Probably The Single Most Influential Man In Music Of The Last 30 Years Who Wasn't A Musician Besides Perhaps Tony Wilson.
FUCK THEY'RE BOTH JOURNALISTS AREN'T THEY?
I Well Should've Written About Tony Wilson...
The Lady Came Round And Asked Me A Bunch Of Questions.
The First Thing I Said To Her Was 'OH NO, There Goes My Individual Status...' In Response To Her Comment That They Already Had A Student There With My Hairstyle.
She Laughed.
She Then Commented That Not Many People My Age Know Who Jon Savage Is, And Very Few Actually Want To Be Music Journalists Any More.
I Said That Was Surprising As I Could Think Of Very Little Else I'd Do Instead.
She Asked If I Had Any Work Experience - She Seemed Proper Up For Making Excuses For Me, I Said I Had None Because However Great The Farnborough College Might Supposedly Be, The Area Is Not.
She Liked That And Said She'd Tick The Box Anyway.
It Felt A Bit Like Falling In Love.
She Then Asked If I Had A Part Time Job.
'Right,' I Thought, 'Here Is Where I Milk The Single-Parentdom That Is My Life. It Finally Comes In Handy After Being An Excuse Only For Delinquency And Low Attendance Rates.'
'I Don't Really Get The Time To Have A Part Time Job, I Go To Live With My Dad At Weekends Up In London.'
'Oh, Sorry, That's Fair Enough.'
YES.
'Do You Go To Gigs With Your Dad? For Some Reason I Have That Feeling.'
'That Is An Odd Instinct, But Yeah I Do A Lot, We Went To See Interpol A Few Months Ago, It Was Amazing.'
'Excellent! Okay And You Write A Blog?'
'Yeah, I'm Just Moving It From MySpace To Blogspot Actually. It's An Awkward Transition.'
'Brilliant. Okay That's Great Ben, Really Great, See You Later.'
THEN RADIO WAS A BIT DULL, I PUT SOME INTERESTING EMPHASES ON WORDS LIKE 'OLYMPIAKOS' AND 'BENITEZ.'
TV Was My Domain.
I Had To Interview A Gurl And Then She Had To Interview Me.
I Asked These Questions:
'What's Your Name Then? Where Are You From? And What Do You Write About In Buckinghamshire? What Other Than The University Do You Like About Bournemouth? And What Do You See Yourself Doing In Twenty Years Time? So, Working At The Mirror, What Would Your Policy On Disgusting Amy Winehouse Pictures?'
Then I Came Back.
Had A Band Practice Which Felt Like It Was Going To Be The End Of Me, We Recorded A New Song HERE
Of Varied Quality.
Had A Quorn Chicken Sandwich And A Coke And Am Now Sat Here, Rather Disgusted By A Guy Who Full On Has My Hair And Cardigan.
I Am Going To Find Myself A Picture Of A Hair Cut And Do It Myself, Probably Tomorrow.
I'm Bored Of Trying To Look Good For Other People, Nobody Really Cares What Anyone Else Looks Like, Let's All Wear Yellow Macs And High Heels.
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What Do I Mean By That Exactly I Wonder...
A Bit French On The Outside But Full Of Dirty Words?
Very Repetitive And A Bit Shy In A Foul Mouthed Way?
Too Vague To Fuck?
Nouvelle Vague - Too Drunk To Fuck
Download It And See For Yourself (Click The Link And Follow The Instructions, It's A Zshare Link.)
Yesterday And Today Have Been Completely Fucked Up.
Yesterday I Did Nothing Until The Evening.
Please Somebody Volunteer To Look After Me In The Daytime, You Can Come Round If You Like.
We Can Have Soda And Cake And Pie...
I DIGRESS.
Anyway, Last Night Me, Jonny, NJ And Dylan Went Out Driving.
It Has Been A Dream Of Mine For Many Years To Go To Compton - I Always See The Sign On The Way To/From Guildford On The Hog's Back And Think 'Shit, That'd Be Such A Funny Place To Visit.'
So We Went There With The Intention Of Going To A Pub In Compton.
One Of The Roads In Compton Was LITERALLY Called 'The Street', And Another 'The Avenue' - Like That Roll Deep Song?
I Know My Obscure Top 40 Hitz...
We Came Across A Pub, Not Far Into The VIllage.
It Was Called, Rather Ominously, 'THE HARROW.'
I Was Really Afraid Of Going In - There Was Nobody In There, And We Walked In To Phil Collins.
Anywhere That Plays Phil Collins I Feel Has An Heir Of Doom About It - It Is By Definition Music To Conduct Surgery To.
So We Walked In And The Barman/Owner Started Talking To Us.
'What Can I Get You? You Guys A Band? Let Me Show You Where I Want You To Play, Would You Play Here In The Summer?'
I Was Very Much Freaked Out.
We Just Wanted A Quiet Drink In Compton, We Didn't Want No Trouble In Compton.
The City Of Compton.
He Started Asking Us What We Sounded Like.
He Was Into 'The Hot Chip.'
We Said We Sounded Like That.
Dylan Added 'Yeah That And The Horrors.'
Which Is Probably More Accurate, But Less Mainstream.
Speaking Of Mainstream, He Said My Hair Was Very Mainstream.
He Then Said I Looked Like A Gay Punk.
Which Is ACTUALLY The Look I Have Forever Aimed For.
He Then Asked His Wife If I Looked Gay.
She Hesitated Then Agreed With Him.
Deep Down She Definitely Wants To Bed Me.
Anyway, The Night Progressed And He Was Giving Us Free Drinks And Free Snacks.
He Was Probably A Really Nice Guy.
He Told Us Of Morocco (Where He Was From) And Late Nights With David Bowie's Manager And Ashlee Simpson.
I Asserted My Masculinity By Saying She Was Hot.
He Didn't Believe I Meant It, It Was Clear From His Non-Committal 'Yeah Man...'
After A Few More Drinks And Stories, He Got All These Instruments Out.
He Bullied Dylan And Jonny Into Playing Them.
He Then Wanted Me To Sing.
He Kept Singing About My White Shoes And Mainstream Hair Do.
That's A Good Rhyme, But He Made Sure It Didn't FLow So Elegantly.
He Was Singing For Ten Minutes To A Blues Backing About HP Sauce, Just Staring At Me And Nodding.
It Was Too Comical For Me, And I Had To Use The Bathroom.
He Probably Thought I Was Masturbating Over Him - I WAS Gay And All...
When I Came Out He Was Still Pestering Me To Sing.
He Was All 'Come On Man, You Can Sing About Anything!'
He Continued To Sing About Beer Glasses And Women Leaving Him And Not Getting Laid And Stuff, It Was Really Odd.
NJ Just Sat There Staring At His Beer As If To Say 'We Don't Deserve This.'
He Then Asked Why I Refused To Sing, To Which I Had The Ultimate Comebackkkkkk.
'WELL, ALL MY MUSICAL HEROES ARE PEOPLE WHO SPEND DAYS OR WEEKS ON THEIR LYRICS, LIKE MORRISSEY OR DAVID BOWIE, AND I THINK IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT THAT LYRICS MEAN SOMETHING TO A PERSON.'
No Reply.
I Owned Him.
By This Point, Him, Drunk Dylan And A Very Afraid Jonny Had Been Jamming For Probably Half An Hour.
It Conjured Images Of The 'Where's Your Head At?' Video - Dissatisfied Monkeys Being Forced To Play Instruments Against Their Own Will.
I Wondered If It Was Really A Good Idea To Come To Compton, And If We Were Ever Going To Leave.
I Kept Thinking Of Alan Partridge Moments That Were Synonymous With MOMENTS I WAS HAVING TO LIVE THROUGH, And He Kept Pestering Me To Sing Until Eventually I Stared At My Watch Just Enough For It To Move To A Reasonably Late Hour.
Upon Our Departure Me And Jonny Instinctually Quoted The Alan Partridge Episode In Which Alan Has A Stalker Who Chases Him.
Jonny Said, To The Guy's 'See You Next Sunday!' 'YOU'LL BE BLOODY LUCKY!'
When We Got In The Car I Shouted 'BLOODY....MENTALIST!'
It Was Classic.
Then We Drove Home And A Drunk Dylan Pondered Over Returning There.
I'm Very Much Against It, I'm Not A Gay Punk Performing Monkey...
Today Was A Very Different State Of Affairs.
I Had To Wake Up At 6am For My Bournemouth University Activity Day.
The Drive Up Was Killah, XFM Died Around Fleet So We Had Radio 1.
They Played 'Please Don't Stop The Music' By Rihanna, And All I Could Think Was 'Ben, I Know You're Tired, But DO NOT Let Your Dad Know You're In Love With Rihanna's Album.'
I Was Tapping Away Like Deuce Bigalow To That Hit...
I Got There A Bit Early.
It Would Appear That I Didn't Get The Memo That Said All Applicants Must Refuse To Brush Their Teeth/Eat A Mint/Obtain Friendly Breath - Literally All The Other Applicants I Spoke To Had Disgusting Breath.
After A Two Hour Car Ride That's Hardly What I Needed - A Reason To Vomit, That Is.
I Had To Write An Essay On A Journalist I Find Very Inspirational.
I Wrote About Jon Savage, Although Technically I Could've Written About John Peel, Who Is Probably The Single Most Influential Man In Music Of The Last 30 Years Who Wasn't A Musician Besides Perhaps Tony Wilson.
FUCK THEY'RE BOTH JOURNALISTS AREN'T THEY?
I Well Should've Written About Tony Wilson...
The Lady Came Round And Asked Me A Bunch Of Questions.
The First Thing I Said To Her Was 'OH NO, There Goes My Individual Status...' In Response To Her Comment That They Already Had A Student There With My Hairstyle.
She Laughed.
She Then Commented That Not Many People My Age Know Who Jon Savage Is, And Very Few Actually Want To Be Music Journalists Any More.
I Said That Was Surprising As I Could Think Of Very Little Else I'd Do Instead.
She Asked If I Had Any Work Experience - She Seemed Proper Up For Making Excuses For Me, I Said I Had None Because However Great The Farnborough College Might Supposedly Be, The Area Is Not.
She Liked That And Said She'd Tick The Box Anyway.
It Felt A Bit Like Falling In Love.
She Then Asked If I Had A Part Time Job.
'Right,' I Thought, 'Here Is Where I Milk The Single-Parentdom That Is My Life. It Finally Comes In Handy After Being An Excuse Only For Delinquency And Low Attendance Rates.'
'I Don't Really Get The Time To Have A Part Time Job, I Go To Live With My Dad At Weekends Up In London.'
'Oh, Sorry, That's Fair Enough.'
YES.
'Do You Go To Gigs With Your Dad? For Some Reason I Have That Feeling.'
'That Is An Odd Instinct, But Yeah I Do A Lot, We Went To See Interpol A Few Months Ago, It Was Amazing.'
'Excellent! Okay And You Write A Blog?'
'Yeah, I'm Just Moving It From MySpace To Blogspot Actually. It's An Awkward Transition.'
'Brilliant. Okay That's Great Ben, Really Great, See You Later.'
THEN RADIO WAS A BIT DULL, I PUT SOME INTERESTING EMPHASES ON WORDS LIKE 'OLYMPIAKOS' AND 'BENITEZ.'
TV Was My Domain.
I Had To Interview A Gurl And Then She Had To Interview Me.
I Asked These Questions:
'What's Your Name Then? Where Are You From? And What Do You Write About In Buckinghamshire? What Other Than The University Do You Like About Bournemouth? And What Do You See Yourself Doing In Twenty Years Time? So, Working At The Mirror, What Would Your Policy On Disgusting Amy Winehouse Pictures?'
Then I Came Back.
Had A Band Practice Which Felt Like It Was Going To Be The End Of Me, We Recorded A New Song HERE
Of Varied Quality.
Had A Quorn Chicken Sandwich And A Coke And Am Now Sat Here, Rather Disgusted By A Guy Who Full On Has My Hair And Cardigan.
I Am Going To Find Myself A Picture Of A Hair Cut And Do It Myself, Probably Tomorrow.
I'm Bored Of Trying To Look Good For Other People, Nobody Really Cares What Anyone Else Looks Like, Let's All Wear Yellow Macs And High Heels.
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Sunday 17 February 2008
A LEGACY SO FAR REMOVED, ONE DAY WILL BE IMPROVED.
I've Watched 'Control' Twice In Two Days.
I Genuinely Think It's The Best Drama Film I've Ever Seen, The Iconography Is Amazing.
Simple Shots Of Sam Riley (Playing Ian Curtis) Lying On A Bed Smoking Whilst Listening To David Bowie Are Somehow Awe-Inspiring.
Everything About It Is Perfect, There's Not A Word That Hasn't Been Thought Over For Hours It Seems, And The Second Time Around You See How His Suicide Is Constantly Hinted At Throughout The Film, With Split Second Sequences Of The Clothes Horse Dropping From The Ceiling And The Like. The Performances Are Insanely Convincing Too, When They First Play 'Transmission' On 'Something Else' It Actually Gave Me The Same Feeling That I Got When I Originally Watched The Real Joy Division Do The Exact Same Performance. If You've Ever So Much As Heard 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' I Think You'd Enjoy It.
This Is My First Post For Nearly Two Weeks, For That I Apologise, It's Not Even That I've Been Distracted.
I Wrote A New Entry On Wednesday And It Disappeared When I Hit The 'Send' Button, And Rather Than Try To Rewrite It I Saw It As A Sign That I Wasn't Meant To Enrich And Serve That Day.
Whenever I Attempt To Rewrite Something After It's Disappeared The Redraft Is Very Much A Dilute Version Of Its Predecessor, Kind Of Like When Gang Of Four Reformed And Re-Recorded 'Entertainment!' At The Age Of About Fifty And Discovered That Post-Punk Should Always Be A Young Person's Game...
BUT I DIGRESS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT A LOT HAS HAPPENED.
My LCC Interview Was A Joke.
I Walked Into The Little Interviewing Room And As I Sat Down The Man Of Questions Asked Me What Made Me Interesting.
I Immediately Retorted 'I Can Do Four Hundred Press Ups.'
Luckily We Shared A Laugh, After Which I Continued To Umm And Ahh.
I Then Did The Whole 'Be Intellectual, Answer A Question With A Question' Thing, And Said 'Well That Depends Entirely On What A Person Sees As Interesting, What Is 'Interesting'?'
He Rephrased The Question:
'What Do You Think Makes You Interesting?'
I Ummed And Ahhed And Erred And Hmmed To No Avail, And Ended Up Saying 'I Have No Idea, What An Excellent Question, I Guess I'm Pretty Average Then.'
Then I Was Asked Who Was Running For The American Presidency, I Only Knew The Two Of Any Interest, Then I Didn't Know Who The Vice-President Of America Is, And Then I Kind Of Wanted To Run Away With One Of The Macs That Were Sitting Behind Me - I Felt Like I Had To Gain Something Beyond A Laugh From My Two Hour Wait.
But I Didn't.
When My Dad Rang Me After It Turned Out That He Didn't Know Who The Vice-President Was Either, And He Used To Work For The Government, So Clearly Nobody Cares.
Mind You, I Do Feel Very Disappointed In Myself For Forgetting This Fella Is The Vice-President....
Hottie.
Then Thursday Involved Lots Of Moping And Eurgh-I-Wish-I-Wasn't-Hideousities.
The Evening Was Good Stuff Though.
Me, Jonny, Geyan And Jason Went Driving.
Seeing As It Was Valloween, I Decided We Had To Make It As Emo And Ironic As Possible.
So, I Was Drinking Alone In The Passenger Seat Of Jonny's Car Whilst DJing Such Classics As 'Cute Without The 'E'', 'The Sound Of Settling' And 'Disco 2000.'
Due To The Subversive Title 'Valloween', We Got On To The Topic Of The Supernatural.
Jonny Spoke Of A Road.
A Road Which, When Driven Down, Supposedly Makes A Face Appear In Your Rear View Mirror As Though Somebody Is Sat In The Middle Back Seat.
So Naturalisch We Drove Down It.
About Half Way Down The Road (Twas A Very Long Road) The Car Got Really Cold.
Geyan Tapped Me On The Shoulder And Asked If I Could See What He Could See On His Watch.
THE HANDS HAD MOVED TO MIDNIGHT AND STOPPED.
Then Immediately After I Noticed That, The Minute Hand Started Spinning, And Didn't Stop Spinning Until We Got Off Of The Road.
It Was So Creepy.
I Found It Amazing And Couldn't Stop Laughing, But The Others Got A Bit Worried That It Was Leading To The Man In The Mirror Business, Which I Don't Blame Them For.
If I'd Had My Sensible Hat On I'd Have No Doubt Suspected The Same.
Oh And Then About An Hour Later I Lost 'Valloween Blind Date' Again.
I Have Never Won.
THEN LAST NIGHT WAS GENIUS.
I'd Been Drinking At Home In Preparation For Going Out.
MSN Means I Wasn't Drinking Alone.
Jonny, Dylan And I (It Felt Right Then) Got The Train At Around Half Past Seven To The Boileroom In Guildford.
It Was The First Time I've Been There On A Saturday Night, I'd Heard It Was Normally Pretty Good.
We Accidentally Went On Screamo Night.
Turns Out This Week Has Been One Whole 'I'm Fourteen And No I Won't Clean My Room Mum, Gosh, I Am Not Your Slave' Experience...
We Met Sam, Chess, Lucy, Simon And Baker There Which Was Good Stuff.
At One Point In The Night Me, Chess And Lucy Got Stuck Talking To This Welsh Noel Fielding Lookalike.
Chess Laughed When He Spoke To Us, Because It Definitely Meant It Wasn't Noel Fielding, But It Looked To The Guy As If Chess Was A Person Of Racial Hatred.
He Was Drunk, And Said Something Like 'I'd Rather Lick My Nan Out Than Live In Wales.'
I Know It Was Screamo Night, But Do People Really Think It's Acceptable To Say Such Things To Female Strangers?
I Escaped On A Technicality - I Needed Another Drink.
Then The Evening Went On In A Similar Style.
A Man There DID Look Exceptionally Like Simon Pegg.
I Am Unsure As To Whether It Actually Was Him, Some People Were Convinced It Was.
Time Will Tell, As He Promised To 'Big Up The Farnborough Massive' Next Time He's On Jonathan Ross.
Sweet.
So Then We Continued Drinking And I Discovered Just How Metal My Hair Is - Me And One Of Rob's Friends Had A Fringe Off.
It Got To The Point Where We Had To Leave To Catch Our Train, So We Did.
This Train Journey Was One Of The Best Ever.
We Got On Our Train, And Dylan Mooned The Platform Opposite Us.
A Woman Noticed, She Laughed, It Was Good Dirty-Window-Making Fun.
Then However, A Group Of Three Middle-Aged Skinheads Noticed.
They Started To Make Wanker Signs At Us.
I Started Flicking V's And Making That Hand Gesture That Means 'Ooh Get You.'
They Started Towards The Underpass, I Originally Didn't Think They Were Coming To Get Us, I Thought Jonny And Dylan Were Making A Bigger Thing Of It Than It Was.
Then Dylan Looked Out Of The Train And Saw Them.
He Looked A Second Time, And They Saw Him.
They Started Towards Us.
All The Time I Was Laughing, I Just Thought They'd Originally Had The Wrong Platform Or Whatever.
But No.
The Tonkest One Got On At The Entrance In Front Of Us, And Was Shouting 'You Think That's Funny Do You? You Picked The Wrong People.'
He Headed Towards Dylan, And I Walked Forward, Pushed Him Back A Little And Said 'Woah Mate, Come On, This Has Got Out Of Hand, Was Just A Laugh Yeah?'
The Other Two Were Present By Now.
One Of Them Was Just As Angry As The First One, But The Other One Was Being Reasonable.
The First Guy Was Clearly Very Angry That I'd Touched Him And Just Kept Snarling, Holding His Fist Up To Me And Moving Closer To Me.
Reasonable Guy Said To Him 'No Don't Mate, It's Him You Want Isn't It?', But He Was Having None Of It.
Not For A While Anyway.
He Punched Me In The Face, And I Immediately Righted Myself And Went 'Sorry What?'
In My Head I Was Thinking, Albeit Drunkenly, 'Just Make This Legendary.'
At That Point I Thought My Nose Was Bleeding.
The Guy That Hit Me Then Went 'Yeah It Was Funny At The Time Wasn't It?'
'It Was Fucking Hilarious Mate.'
Somewhere In Amongst This Chaos Jonny Had Got Headbutted, And Cleverly Sat Down.
Two Guys Still Had Dylan In The Corner, And I Refused To Sit Down Until I Knew We Were All Going To Be Okay, It Sort Of Felt Like They Were Making Us Sit Down To Witness The Complete Death Of Dylan's Face.
But Reasonable Guy Then Said To Me 'If You Sit Down I'll Make Sure This Doesn't Become A Big Thing.'
'Alright Mate.'
I Patted Him On The Back And Sat Down.
They Walked Away And The Guy Who Hit Me Carried On Saying 'It Was A Laugh Was It?'
I Love Situations Like That, Because They Have To Win On A Physical Level, But We Want To Win On A Mental Level, So A Compromise Is Easily Reached.
High On Adrenalin I Had Contemplated Going For The Short Man's Family Jewels, But Figured It Would Be A Much Better Story If I Was Able To Say I'd Said Something Clever.
It Always Is.
I Think They Kept Shouting 'Fucking Students', Which Shows Exactly The Grade Of Meat We Were Dealing With.
It Also Definitely Pissed Them Off That We Were Taller Than Them.
When The Guy Was Growling Up At Me It Was So Tempting To Laugh My Head Off.
And That's It Really.
Music Recommendations:
Transmission - Joy Division
Oh My God - Ida Maria
Too Drunk To Fuck - Nouvelle Vague
Young Love Ft. Laura Marling - Mystery Jets
The Death Of A Digital Alarm Clock - Tubelord
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I Genuinely Think It's The Best Drama Film I've Ever Seen, The Iconography Is Amazing.
Simple Shots Of Sam Riley (Playing Ian Curtis) Lying On A Bed Smoking Whilst Listening To David Bowie Are Somehow Awe-Inspiring.
Everything About It Is Perfect, There's Not A Word That Hasn't Been Thought Over For Hours It Seems, And The Second Time Around You See How His Suicide Is Constantly Hinted At Throughout The Film, With Split Second Sequences Of The Clothes Horse Dropping From The Ceiling And The Like. The Performances Are Insanely Convincing Too, When They First Play 'Transmission' On 'Something Else' It Actually Gave Me The Same Feeling That I Got When I Originally Watched The Real Joy Division Do The Exact Same Performance. If You've Ever So Much As Heard 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' I Think You'd Enjoy It.
This Is My First Post For Nearly Two Weeks, For That I Apologise, It's Not Even That I've Been Distracted.
I Wrote A New Entry On Wednesday And It Disappeared When I Hit The 'Send' Button, And Rather Than Try To Rewrite It I Saw It As A Sign That I Wasn't Meant To Enrich And Serve That Day.
Whenever I Attempt To Rewrite Something After It's Disappeared The Redraft Is Very Much A Dilute Version Of Its Predecessor, Kind Of Like When Gang Of Four Reformed And Re-Recorded 'Entertainment!' At The Age Of About Fifty And Discovered That Post-Punk Should Always Be A Young Person's Game...
BUT I DIGRESS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT A LOT HAS HAPPENED.
My LCC Interview Was A Joke.
I Walked Into The Little Interviewing Room And As I Sat Down The Man Of Questions Asked Me What Made Me Interesting.
I Immediately Retorted 'I Can Do Four Hundred Press Ups.'
Luckily We Shared A Laugh, After Which I Continued To Umm And Ahh.
I Then Did The Whole 'Be Intellectual, Answer A Question With A Question' Thing, And Said 'Well That Depends Entirely On What A Person Sees As Interesting, What Is 'Interesting'?'
He Rephrased The Question:
'What Do You Think Makes You Interesting?'
I Ummed And Ahhed And Erred And Hmmed To No Avail, And Ended Up Saying 'I Have No Idea, What An Excellent Question, I Guess I'm Pretty Average Then.'
Then I Was Asked Who Was Running For The American Presidency, I Only Knew The Two Of Any Interest, Then I Didn't Know Who The Vice-President Of America Is, And Then I Kind Of Wanted To Run Away With One Of The Macs That Were Sitting Behind Me - I Felt Like I Had To Gain Something Beyond A Laugh From My Two Hour Wait.
But I Didn't.
When My Dad Rang Me After It Turned Out That He Didn't Know Who The Vice-President Was Either, And He Used To Work For The Government, So Clearly Nobody Cares.
Mind You, I Do Feel Very Disappointed In Myself For Forgetting This Fella Is The Vice-President....
Hottie.
Then Thursday Involved Lots Of Moping And Eurgh-I-Wish-I-Wasn't-Hideousities.
The Evening Was Good Stuff Though.
Me, Jonny, Geyan And Jason Went Driving.
Seeing As It Was Valloween, I Decided We Had To Make It As Emo And Ironic As Possible.
So, I Was Drinking Alone In The Passenger Seat Of Jonny's Car Whilst DJing Such Classics As 'Cute Without The 'E'', 'The Sound Of Settling' And 'Disco 2000.'
Due To The Subversive Title 'Valloween', We Got On To The Topic Of The Supernatural.
Jonny Spoke Of A Road.
A Road Which, When Driven Down, Supposedly Makes A Face Appear In Your Rear View Mirror As Though Somebody Is Sat In The Middle Back Seat.
So Naturalisch We Drove Down It.
About Half Way Down The Road (Twas A Very Long Road) The Car Got Really Cold.
Geyan Tapped Me On The Shoulder And Asked If I Could See What He Could See On His Watch.
THE HANDS HAD MOVED TO MIDNIGHT AND STOPPED.
Then Immediately After I Noticed That, The Minute Hand Started Spinning, And Didn't Stop Spinning Until We Got Off Of The Road.
It Was So Creepy.
I Found It Amazing And Couldn't Stop Laughing, But The Others Got A Bit Worried That It Was Leading To The Man In The Mirror Business, Which I Don't Blame Them For.
If I'd Had My Sensible Hat On I'd Have No Doubt Suspected The Same.
Oh And Then About An Hour Later I Lost 'Valloween Blind Date' Again.
I Have Never Won.
THEN LAST NIGHT WAS GENIUS.
I'd Been Drinking At Home In Preparation For Going Out.
MSN Means I Wasn't Drinking Alone.
Jonny, Dylan And I (It Felt Right Then) Got The Train At Around Half Past Seven To The Boileroom In Guildford.
It Was The First Time I've Been There On A Saturday Night, I'd Heard It Was Normally Pretty Good.
We Accidentally Went On Screamo Night.
Turns Out This Week Has Been One Whole 'I'm Fourteen And No I Won't Clean My Room Mum, Gosh, I Am Not Your Slave' Experience...
We Met Sam, Chess, Lucy, Simon And Baker There Which Was Good Stuff.
At One Point In The Night Me, Chess And Lucy Got Stuck Talking To This Welsh Noel Fielding Lookalike.
Chess Laughed When He Spoke To Us, Because It Definitely Meant It Wasn't Noel Fielding, But It Looked To The Guy As If Chess Was A Person Of Racial Hatred.
He Was Drunk, And Said Something Like 'I'd Rather Lick My Nan Out Than Live In Wales.'
I Know It Was Screamo Night, But Do People Really Think It's Acceptable To Say Such Things To Female Strangers?
I Escaped On A Technicality - I Needed Another Drink.
Then The Evening Went On In A Similar Style.
A Man There DID Look Exceptionally Like Simon Pegg.
I Am Unsure As To Whether It Actually Was Him, Some People Were Convinced It Was.
Time Will Tell, As He Promised To 'Big Up The Farnborough Massive' Next Time He's On Jonathan Ross.
Sweet.
So Then We Continued Drinking And I Discovered Just How Metal My Hair Is - Me And One Of Rob's Friends Had A Fringe Off.
It Got To The Point Where We Had To Leave To Catch Our Train, So We Did.
This Train Journey Was One Of The Best Ever.
We Got On Our Train, And Dylan Mooned The Platform Opposite Us.
A Woman Noticed, She Laughed, It Was Good Dirty-Window-Making Fun.
Then However, A Group Of Three Middle-Aged Skinheads Noticed.
They Started To Make Wanker Signs At Us.
I Started Flicking V's And Making That Hand Gesture That Means 'Ooh Get You.'
They Started Towards The Underpass, I Originally Didn't Think They Were Coming To Get Us, I Thought Jonny And Dylan Were Making A Bigger Thing Of It Than It Was.
Then Dylan Looked Out Of The Train And Saw Them.
He Looked A Second Time, And They Saw Him.
They Started Towards Us.
All The Time I Was Laughing, I Just Thought They'd Originally Had The Wrong Platform Or Whatever.
But No.
The Tonkest One Got On At The Entrance In Front Of Us, And Was Shouting 'You Think That's Funny Do You? You Picked The Wrong People.'
He Headed Towards Dylan, And I Walked Forward, Pushed Him Back A Little And Said 'Woah Mate, Come On, This Has Got Out Of Hand, Was Just A Laugh Yeah?'
The Other Two Were Present By Now.
One Of Them Was Just As Angry As The First One, But The Other One Was Being Reasonable.
The First Guy Was Clearly Very Angry That I'd Touched Him And Just Kept Snarling, Holding His Fist Up To Me And Moving Closer To Me.
Reasonable Guy Said To Him 'No Don't Mate, It's Him You Want Isn't It?', But He Was Having None Of It.
Not For A While Anyway.
He Punched Me In The Face, And I Immediately Righted Myself And Went 'Sorry What?'
In My Head I Was Thinking, Albeit Drunkenly, 'Just Make This Legendary.'
At That Point I Thought My Nose Was Bleeding.
The Guy That Hit Me Then Went 'Yeah It Was Funny At The Time Wasn't It?'
'It Was Fucking Hilarious Mate.'
Somewhere In Amongst This Chaos Jonny Had Got Headbutted, And Cleverly Sat Down.
Two Guys Still Had Dylan In The Corner, And I Refused To Sit Down Until I Knew We Were All Going To Be Okay, It Sort Of Felt Like They Were Making Us Sit Down To Witness The Complete Death Of Dylan's Face.
But Reasonable Guy Then Said To Me 'If You Sit Down I'll Make Sure This Doesn't Become A Big Thing.'
'Alright Mate.'
I Patted Him On The Back And Sat Down.
They Walked Away And The Guy Who Hit Me Carried On Saying 'It Was A Laugh Was It?'
I Love Situations Like That, Because They Have To Win On A Physical Level, But We Want To Win On A Mental Level, So A Compromise Is Easily Reached.
High On Adrenalin I Had Contemplated Going For The Short Man's Family Jewels, But Figured It Would Be A Much Better Story If I Was Able To Say I'd Said Something Clever.
It Always Is.
I Think They Kept Shouting 'Fucking Students', Which Shows Exactly The Grade Of Meat We Were Dealing With.
It Also Definitely Pissed Them Off That We Were Taller Than Them.
When The Guy Was Growling Up At Me It Was So Tempting To Laugh My Head Off.
And That's It Really.
Music Recommendations:
Transmission - Joy Division
Oh My God - Ida Maria
Too Drunk To Fuck - Nouvelle Vague
Young Love Ft. Laura Marling - Mystery Jets
The Death Of A Digital Alarm Clock - Tubelord
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