I AM THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOYS.

Right So Okay I Havnae Written In Years. At Least An Actual Year I Reckon.

How Are You? I Have Missed You Like A Baby Misses His Blanket. My Life Has Gone A Bit Wild. On Halloween This Year (Hal-Entine's Day, As I Prefer To Call It) I Dressed As A Spoilt Victorian Child Zombie (Catch The Musical Reference If You Can) And Saw Afrikan Boy Live At 60 Million Postcards.

It Was Effing Hilarious.

Let's Just Say That If A Rapper Can't Autograph Your Shirt With His Name In A Proper Spelling, You're At The Wrong Gig.
AFIKANBOY4DWIN.
Hilarious.

We Also Went To These Freshers' House Party, They Were Total Douches About Not Letting People Who They Didn't Know In, Even When You Look Like Me - And By Me I Mean A Long Haired Tegan Or Sara With Some Facial Hair.

I Miss Writing This. I Mostly Write Stories Now, This Week Should See The Release Of My First Self-Published Story That I Am Going To Leave In Various Places In Bournemouth. Alternatively You Can E-Mail Me Your Address (b.e.n.m.e@hotmail.com) And I'll Just Send You An Issue. I Know This Seems Big Headed Or Whatever, But It'll Have Pictures And Shit, And Be The Only Place You Can Read The Story It Contains.

Nuff Self Promotion, If You Can Call It That At All - Promotion Normally Happens To Stuff That's Good.

I Don't Miss Farnborough One Bit.
I Miss The People Somewhat Substantially, But I Have Really Fuckin Good Friends Here Now.
I Miss Those People Who Live In Farnham, And Aldershot And Shit, But I Hope They'll Come Visit, You Know?
I Love The People Of Home But Ne'er The Surroundings.

Small Towns Make You A Better Person I Reckon. We Had To Make All Of Our Own Fun, Most Of Which Can Be Read In Ex-Posts Of This Shit.
I Like How 'This' Is An Anagram Of 'Shit.' It's Easier To Sound Hip Hop That Way.

My New House Is Awesome. My Housemates Are Genius, Even Though I Massively Hate Than DimeBag Murphy Don't Live Here. We Do Have Actual Tramps That Break Into Our Shed, And So We Left Them A Horrid Note (That We Pissed On) Saying 'FUCK OFF', Basically. With Their Left Over Can Of Special Brew. TAKING LIBERTIES.

Nik Actually Asked A Bunch Of People If They Wanted It 'Up The Bum' At Coyote Ugly, A Club Here, When He Was Wasted. It Was Classic.

SO BASICALLY - START OF THIS YEAR > START OF LAST YEAR.

Start Of Last Uni Year Is Only Two Posts Away Or Summink. Compare And Contrast.

LOVEOOOOOO IF YOU FOUND THIS.

I Might Write Again If I'm Not Drunk And Feel Int Right Mood.

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THE END OF YEAR WIND DOWN.

I Have No Money, No Booze And No Company.
I Am Losing Myself To A Life Of DVD Repeats, Books And Diet Irn Bru.
Why Diet Irn Bru?
Cos It's 40p Cheaper Than The Good Stuff, And I Have Literally £10 To Use Until Next Sunday.
I Am Not Eating Much, Because I Need To Keep My Food In Stock So That, If And When I Do Actually Get Hungry, I Can Eat Some Meat Free Shit From Asda.
I Bought Cheese And Vegetable Burgers.
I Am Well Afraid Of Them, What If They're Totally Rank?
That Leaves Me With A Jar Of Peanut Butter, Two Tofu Hot Dogs And Half A Bowl's Worth Of Nesquik.

And The Sun Is Shining, But I Don't Have The Energy To Walk Anywhere And The Bus Rinses My Balance. I Also Don't Have The Smokes To Walk Anywhere, Because I Can Only Afford Two More Packs While I'm Here And So Have To Cut Down.
I Have To Stay Here For Shorthand Exams And The Morrissey Concert - Which Will Be The Pinnacle Of My Life But I Cannot Afford To Drink At It.
Maybe That's A Good Thing.

I'm Also Running Out Of Contact Lenses, Which Is Just Insane.
I'm Running Out Of Fucking SIGHT.

'I Decree Today That Life Is
Simply Taking And Not Giving -
England Is Mine,
It Owes Me A Living.'

Give Me Loads Of Free Shit, I Could Seriously Live Off Of Those End-Of-Aisle Taster Sessions In Asda, In Fact I May Have To Do So.

If Only They Handed Out Cigarettes.

I Wanna Be Sedated.
Just Put Me Out Until Wednesday, Then I Can Fail My Shorthand Exam And Look Forward To Mozza.
I Need That Romeo And Juliet Poison.
Or Just A Handful Of Nytol.

Hahahaha.

I'm Half Joking And Half ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY DYING.

But Whatever.

I'm Putting Adverts On This Mother In The Hope That The Three Pence I'll Eventually Earn Will Buy Me Fags And Irn Bru.

Love Eternally

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I KEEP MINE HIDDEN.

I Write This Lying In My Bed At What I Can No Longer Accept To Call My Home.
Someone With Far More Knowledge And Experience Than I Once Said That In The 21st Century Friends Will Replace Family.
Home Is My Dirty Little Room In Bournemouth With A Lock On The Door And The TV Eye On The Wall.

I Am Currently Determining The Best Way To Get Out Of Going To France.
Don't Get Me Wrong, I've Always Liked France In The Past, But I Don't Like Being In The Middle Of Nowhere In Any Country, And Especially Not With My Family.
Every Boxing Day For As Long As I Can Remember I Have Gone To My Grandparents' For A Familywide Ordeal. I Think One Of The First Jokes I Ever Made Was That The Day Was Called Boxing Day Cos Of All The Fights That Occurred. In Fact One Of The Very First Posts On This Blog Was About How Ridiculous And Awful The Boxing Day Of 07 Was. So Now I Have To Spend Four Days In A Rundown House With Them Instead Of Being Warm And Happy With My Lovely Gurlfriend Taking Trips To London And Stuff.






Fuck It, I'm Going To Fake AIDs.