DANCE TO THE SOUND OF SIRENS.

The New Bloc Party Album Is Amazing.
I'd Say It's Their Second Best Album, After 'Silent Alarm.'
'Silent Alarm' Is Just One Of Those Albums That Is Associated With Wicked Stuff Happening In My Life, And I Now Almost Look At It As If The Album Itself Brought On All The Events That Were Happening At That Time In My Life.
The Only Other Album I Think I Do That With Is 'For Screening Purposes Only', Except That Is Associated With This Insane Autumn I Had Once During 'The Wilderness Years'.
It Is Definitely Possible Test Icicles Brought On The Events That Ended 'The Wilderness Years', I'd Like To Think They Were The Breakthrough Moment, Haha.

So Anyway I Haven't Written In Ages, Blah Blah Blah, I've Been Writing Lyrics Or Poems Or Novels Depending On How You Read What I've Written, It's All A Bit Bent Out Of Shape And Excellent But For My Eyes Only.
It Isn't Yet My Duty To Write, And I Hope That I'll Never Be Forced To Write And That It Will Always Be Something I Do And Find Interesting And Fun.
College Killed It For Me For A Bit, Because I Felt I Was Having To Write About Onomatopoeia Found In Radiohead Lyrics. But With My Results I Discovered I Didn't Have To At All, I Got A 'U' In My English Coursework But A 'B' In My Media Coursework, Where I Mostly Wrote About The Phallic Symbolism Of Guitars. I'd Been Reading A Lot Of JG Ballard, And He Can Link Almost Anything To Sex Based Death, So I Felt Like Shoving Prose About Cocks And Androgyny In A Pregnant Woman's Face Was My Last Hurrah, Collegewise.

But Anyway, I'm Back Into Writing This Thing.

This Long Weekend Was Reading Festival.
It Was Awesome.

I Got There Thursday Afternoon After A Train Journey Which Involved Hiding Beer From The Ticket Man And Throwing A Kid's Bike Around So Him And His Dad Could Fit On With Us And All Our Junk.
It Was Fun, At First I Was All 'Oh Mannnn, I Can't Swear In Front Of A Kid, And The Guys I'm With Are', But The Dad Shouted 'Oh For Fuck's Sake' About Fitting His Bike On The Train, Which Lulled Me Into A State Of Tipsy Relaxation.
The Walk After The Train Was Horrible.
I Was With This Guy John I Met Who Was Pretty Funny, He Had This Massive Sports Bag On One Shoulder Which Looked Like It Really Hurt, And It Just Took Us Fucking Ages Cos Of All The Posh Kids Coming Home For A Wash After One Night.
Then The Queue Was Totally Manic, Took So Long.
It Was Made Less Painful By The Guy Shouting Brilliant Mythology Based Slogans.
The Best Was 'Spartans, What Is Your Profession?', To Which The Whole Crowd Went 'Awooh, Awooh, Awooh!'
He Looked So Pleased With Himself.
Thing Is, He Got A Bit Too Cocky, And Chanted 'I AM SPARTACUS.'
Some People Joined In, Saying They Were Spartacus, But Most Said He Was A Fucking Knobhead.
Which I Felt Was Harsh But Really Funny.

Then I 'Unpacked' (Read As 'Threw My Bag In A Tent And Got My Vodka Out') And Sat About With Everyone Smoking And Drinking For About Thirteen Hours.
We Literally Only Moved To Take A Piss Or Find More Drink.
It Was Great.

Then Was Friday.
I Went To See The Future Of The Left With Various People Who Left And Met Rob And Frankie About Half Way Through Their Set.
They Were Amazing, Such A Good Start To The Weekend.
'Colin Is A Pussy, A Very Pretty Pussy' And 'Better Hedgehog Than Porcupine' Are Two Of The Best Lyrics Ever.
Then I Met Up With Sam And Jonny And Went To See John Cooper Clarke.
He Was So Funny, And When He Read 'Evidently Chickentown' I Got So Fired Up I Nearly Started A Fight With A Phil Jupitus Fan.
Phil Jupitus Is To Stand Up Comedy What The Fratellis Are To Alternative Music.
They Both Make Fat Lager Louts Feel Like They're Cultured.
This Guy Wouldn't Stop Shouting 'Bring On Phil Jupitus', So I Told Him To Fuck Off.
And He Should've Fucked Off, Not Acknowledging The Genius That is John Cooper Clarke.
Jonny Went As Far As To Say He Hoped He Died.
I TOTALLY Agreed.

Then I Saw Pete And The Pirates (Nothing To Shout About), Dizzee Rascal (Incredible) And Then Took A Break Until QOTSA.
I Don't Want This To Turn Into A Review Of The Entire Weekend, I'm More About Human Interest I Like To Think, Which Is Why I Will Now Mostly Talk About People And That.

Oh And Rage Were Totally Killah, But That Was Predictable.

Friday Night Was Awesome, I Sat Around The Really Hilariously Bad Campfire (We Were Just Burning Things We'd Used, Like Condoms And Chairs) With Cheney And Grace And Jonny And Sam And That.
It Was Fun, But Freezing Cold.
Somehow I Was Way Colder Than Everyone Else, It's Probably Something To Do With Not Eating Meat, Everything Else Is Apparently.
It's Why I Get More Attacked By Mosquitoes, And That Is The Cleanest One I Can Bother To Say, I Don't Want To Get Into The Quagmire Of Bodily Fluids That Is Being A Vegetarian.
Hahahaha.

Then Was Saturday.
I Saw British Sea Power With Curtis, Emily And Harry, Who Stunned Me.
I Saw Them On Jools Holland A Few Months Ago, And Thought They Were Pretty Average, But They Have This Song 'Harriet' That Is Just Brilliant. They Were All Around Excellent Actually.
Then I Went To See Santogold On My Own, Who Was Wicked.
She Had Dancers And A Live Band Which Was Rad, Dub-Pop Sounds Way Better With A Live Bass.
Unfortunately, Santogold Was Slightly Upstaged During Her Set.
I MET THE GUITARIST OF FUCKING BLOC PARTY.
He Was Stood Behind Me During Her Whole Set.
I Turned Round And Did One Of Those Gasped 'FUCK's, Turned Around About Five Minutes Later To Say Hi And Shake His Hand.
I Get Totally Starstruck.
But It Was One Of Those Moments Where I Was Like 'This Guy Is In One Of My Favourite Bands, If I Don't Say Anything I Will Regret It For Basically The Rest Of My Life.'
After That I Was So Hyped I Had To Have One Of Those Celebratory Cigarettes.
Normally I Smoke Because I'm A Bit Wound Up Or Bored, But This Time It Was What I Imagine A Post-Sex Smoke Is Like.
I Walked To The Main Stage To See Who Was Playing (The Subways) And Met This Gurl Who Was Probably The Best Dressed Person I Have Ever Seen.
She Ran At Me And Had This Speech At Me:
'Can I Just Say That Your Chucks Are Awesome And That You Look Amazing With That Blue Eyeliner On? Is It From Superdrug? I'm Wearing The Gold And Green Superdrug Ones Today, Look!'
And I Thanked Her, And Said She Was Dressed Amazingly, And That I Wished More People Bothered So Much And At The Same Time Didn't Care What People Thought.
She Has Inspired Me To Take The Richey Edwards Look I Have Been Craving To Tackle Head On. I'm No Longer Afraid Of Being Asked If I'm A Gurl, Because That's Only Embarrassing When You're Trying To Force Your Gender On People You Want To Sleep With, And I Don't Really Want To Sleep With Anyone Any More, The Past Is A Grotesque Animal As Georgie Fruit Would Say, Plus If You Look At People Having Sex It Is Kind Of A Hilarious Pastime, Just Bashing Stuff Into Someone Else's Stuff.
Like Revision And Sleeping, I'll Do It When I Have To.
Hahaha.
Or You Know, Am In Love, As Incredibly Hilarious As That Idea Is, The Single People Are Sluts Now And It Bores Me To The Point Of Insanity.
My Latest Pledge Of Abstinence Is More Out Of Protest Than Asexuality.

ANYWAY, Then I Saw The Mystery Jets.
They Were Okay.
They Were Missing Something.
It Might've Been Russell From Bloc Party.

Then We All Went Back To The Camp To Drink As Much Alcohol As We Could Before We Had To Return To The Main Arena.
Four Pounds A Pint Makes Me Spit Blood At Short Women Who Don't Want To Take My Money And ID Me.
I Went To See The Raconteurs With Curtis And Emily, They Were Wicked.
I Stayed With Them For Bloc Party, We Got Really Close And Then I Got Out Because I Smoked Too Much And Felt Faint.
Bloc Party Were Amazing Though, They Were Really Fun As Opposed To Their Normal Slightly Serious Selves.
They Played Every Song I Wanted Them To, Which Was Nice Of Them.

After Bloc Party I Went Straight To The NME Tent For The Manic Street Preachers.
However, They Weren't On Until Twenty Past Ten.
I Sat Through About Forty Minutes Of Bullet For My Valentine.
I Now Consider Them The Worst Band In The World.
I Spoke To Loads Of People Who Had The Same Idea As Me, Who'd Come Early For The Manics And Had To Sit Through Metal Bullshit.
One Guy Came Up To Me And Went 'You're Not Here For This Are You?'
I Replied 'FUCK NO MAN! This Is Probably The Worst Band Ever!'
And Then We Had A Really Long Chat About How Good The Manic Street Preachers Are And How Shit Metal Is.
Some Guys Then Overheard, And The Guy I Was Talking To Left And They Came Over, And Were Like 'We Overheard You Talking To That Guy, I Am So Sick Of This Fucking Band, How Can You Enjoy What Is Basically Rumbling And Sounding Like A Fucking Idiot?'

They Then Finished, And Everyone Stood Outside The Tent Cheered As The Metal Kids Left The Tent And We Piled In.
I Got Really Close To The Front, And Was Stood Next To These Welsh Kids Who Were So Hyped For Them That It Made ME Even More Hyped For Them.
The Gurl Asked Me What I Hoped They'd Play, And I Said Just Loads Of Generation Terrorists And The Holy Bible, She Agreed And Then These Two Guys Behind Me Came In And Went 'Good Choice Man!'.
These Guys Were Who I Was To Spend The Rest Of My Evening With.
They Were Absolutely Hilarious.
They Had A Bottle Of Vodka And Loads Of Weed, And Were Very Generous Souls.
They Kept Making Jokes About How They Couldn't Wait For Rage Against The Machine And Their New Views On Politics, And How Zach De La Rocha Is Actually Well Into WMDs And Iraq And George Bush.
It Was So Funny And Stupid.
The Shorter Of The Two Guys Then Went To some Guy Stood Near Us 'Oh Man, I Can't Wait For The New Rage Stuff, I Hear They're Gonna Play It Tonight! I Got A Recording Of It On The Internet, It Sounds So Good, I Know All The Lyrics Already.'
The Guy He Was Speaking To Laughed A Bit And Nodded Along.
The Guy Telling Him All This Then Sang This Song:
'Bomb Bomb Bomb
Bomb Bomb Iran
Bomb Bomb Bomb
Bomb Bomb Iran.'
It Was Fucking Hilarious.
Like, Totally Dumbass Humour, But Hilarious.
Then The Manics Came On And It Was One Of The Most Amazing Things I've Ever Seen.
They Played 'You Love Us', 'Of Walking Abortion', 'Faster', 'Motorcycle Emptiness' And 'Little Baby Nothing', Which Are Some Of My Favourite Songs Ever.
Singing 'Culture, Alienation, Boredom And Despair' At Strangers Acting As Friends Was Absolutely Perfect, I Never Wanted That Moment To End.
And Then 'Motorcycle Emptiness' Was Just As Massive, The Two Guys I Met Somehow Barndanced To It With The Biggest Smiles On Their Faces, It Was Just So Fucking Rad, All Of It.
Then I Went Back To The Camp, The Manics Had Finished Much Later Than The Killers And When Everyone Asked Where I'd Been They Didn't Seem That Ecstatic When They Said 'Oh, We Went To See The Killers'.
As Opposed To Me Who Was Like 'FUCK DUDE, I LITERALLY SAW THE MANICS, NICKY WIRE WAS THERE, IT WAS ONE OF THE HIGH POINTS OF MY LIFE!'

Saturday Night Was Much More Understated Than Friday Night, We Had A Fire And Turned Band Names Into Porno Names.
I Made Sure All Of Mine Were A Bit Sinister, And Described Them As Graphically As I Could.
I Was In That Mood I Always Fall Into At Reading, Which Is Inspired By Salt And Pepa's Classic 'Push It', Because I Say Disgusting Things Until Nobody Laughs.
Examples Of Mine Were 'Black Kids', 'Kids In Glass Houses' And 'Manic Street Preachers.'
People Asked How 'Manic Street Preachers' Was At All Pornish, Or Even Disgusting, And I Went On To Explain That It Would Involve Those Mentalists You Get On Oxford Street Getting Down With Some Young Thang In The Middle Of Leicester Square Whilst Reciting The Book Of Revelations.
I Laughed My Arse Off.
I Was Alone.

The Best Anyone Came Up With Was 'Machine Head'.
I Think Marcos Said It.
Genius.

Then I'm Going To Skip Sunday, I Spent It Mostly Alone Watching Amazing Bands.
Yeasayer Was A Highlight.
So Was Crystal Castles.
And Tenacious D Were Just Hilariously Funny.

I AM FREE ALL OF THIS WEEK.
COME HANG OUT WITH ME, I DRESS WELL AND AM WILLING TO INTERACT WITH STRANGERS.
If You Googled Something Like 'Preacher Porn' And Stumbled Upon This By Accident, Get In Touch, We'll Hang Out.

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