I SEE PEOPLE TURN THEIR HEADS AND QUICKLY LOOK AWAY.

The TWO Songs I've Decided To Give You Today Are Both By Women But In Very Different Ways.
The First Is A Live Version Of 'Summer In The City' By Regina Spektor, Who I've Been Completely In Love With For At Least A Year Now. This Song Has Lyrics To Match Any Song Ever - It Perfectly Sets Off Really Really Sad With Really Really Funny, Which Is An Enviable Ability.
Listen Out For The Lyric 'And I Did Feel Like Cumming, But I Also Felt Like Crying' In Particular.

Regina Spektor - Summer In The City (Live)


The Second Is 'Bang' From The Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Debut EP.
I'm Knocking Out Rarities Like You Wouldn't Believe Right?
Although You Can Get That EP In Most Decent Independent Music Shops.
This Track Is More Outwardly Offensive Than Regina Spektor's One, The Chorus' Line Is Just 'As A Fuck Son You Suck.'
Apparently When It Was First Released Jo Whiley Played It On Radio 1 Without Realising What Karen O Sings In The Chorus.
John Peel Made Mistakes, But He Was A Character.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Bang


Today's Been A Really Strange Day.
I Woke Up At Like Eleven, But Only Got Out Of Bed At About Half One After Reading Albert Camus' 'The Outsider' For A While.
The Last Line I Read Was 'And It Was Like Giving Four Sharp Knocks At The Door Of Unhappiness.'
It's About A Guy Who Feels No Emotion, Who Then Kills An Arab.
I Think The Cure Wrote 'Killing An Arab' About This Book Actually, Weird That I've Only Just Realised That.
It's Really Interesting Though, I Haven't Decided Yet Just How Pretentious It Is To Read French Mid-20th Century Literature.

So I Woke Up, Sat About For A Bit Doing Nothing At All And Then Wandered Into Town To Open A Bank Account.
I've Never Had A Bank Account, And Feel Far Less Punk Rock For Now Having One.
In The Bank Though, Hilarious Things Happened.

I Sat Down, In A Sort Of, Half-Moon Chair Arrangement Whilst Waiting For My Turn.
The Woman Asked What I Wanted To Do, And Then Said That My Identification Wouldn't Do.
The Old Guy Sat Next To Me Jokingly Said 'Corr, You Want To GIVE Them Money, Not Rob Them!'
I Laughed, And After This Point I Couldn't Put My Headphones Back In As I So Dearly Wished I Could.

'So What Do You Do, Student Are You?'
'Yeah, Yeah.'
'You At The Sixth Form?'
'Yeah.'
'You Local?'
I Choked Down A Laugh. I Knew Farnborough Was The Middle Ages In Disguise, But That Line Summed It Up.
'Yeah, Live Just Down The Road Actually.'
'Nice, Not On That Totlands Estate Do Ya? Fucking Hell....Liberties.'
I Am A Very Anti-Political Person.
I'm So Anti-Politics That I Don't Even Class Myself As An Anarchist Or Nihilist Or Any Of Those Things That Mean You're Anti-Politics. And This Man's Immediate Dive Into A Political Stance Which I Disagreed With Was Very Discomforting.
'So, What Do You Study At College?'
'Psychology...English Language -'

At This Point The Man Interrupted With The Single Most Cliché Question Ever Asked.
'English Language? And, You Don't Pay For That Do You?'
'No, I Don't.'
'And, As A Taxpayer Myself, Why Should I Pay For You To Study English Language?'

At This Point I Must Tell You That My Mood Was Very Much Sour.
The Day Hadn't Been A Good One - I Contemplated Lying In Bed Until It Got Dark Again And Then Just Falling Asleep, Spirits Were Low.
So I Decided That I Was Not Going To Let This Man Get Away With Such Confrontational Ways.

'WELL ONE DAY I AM GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD, AND WHEN I DO I WILL ALLOW YOU TO SAY YOU HAD A PART IN THAT.'

I Did My Sinister Giggle And He Stared For A While.
Then Changed The Subject To Margaret Thatcher.
He Said She Did A Lot Of Good.
I Said I Wasn't Alive But Thought She Was Probably Quite Damaging From What I've Heard.

Then Some Cockney OAP Slut Came In And Started Telling Me I Didn't Know I Was Born.
I Am All Too Aware I Was Born.
I Just Don't Appreciate It Very Much.
Then She Went On About Outdoor Toilets.
I Decided To Just Go All Out Weirdo, Giggling To Myself And Disjointedly Saying 'Some Places Still Don't Even Have Outdoor Toilets, Your Mum Knows How To Make Toffee Does She? I Never Liked Toffee Anyway...'
All Phrases Were Very Much Muttered, I'm An Anti-Confrontation Kind Of Guy Usually.
Then The Guy Was All 'When I Was A Lad Chocolate Was Still Rationed', To Which I Just Outright Said I Didn't Like Chocolate Very Much Anyway.
There's Only So Many Times You Can Laugh In An 'Oh You You're Terrible You Are' Way.
Then They Both Went, The Guy Shook My Hand (?) And The Woman Waved.
Was Well Odd.

My Bank Account Got Sorted Pretty Quick.
I Noticed That There Is An Air Filter Thing At The Back Of The Cash Machine In That NatWest, And Was Wondering How Hard It Could Be To Get In The Air Filter, And Then Just Nick All The Money.
At No Point Did I Contemplate It, But I Definitely Saw How It Was Possible.

Then I Got Out.
I Bought A Bar Of Fruit And Nut Just To Spite That Old Man's Rationed Childhood.
In Response To The Age Old Question 'If You Could Go Back In Time And Meet Someone, Who Would You Meet?' My Answer Has Changed.
I Would Now Go And Meet That Guy, As A Child, With A Fuckload Of Cadbury's And Eat The Fuck Out Of It In His Outdoor Toilet.
Wanker.

Hahahahaha.

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